How do! It's another ideally apolitical political thread.

For those foreign types who might be unaware, a manifesto is what British political parties publish in the run up to an election. Essentially, it's a list of intentions (but not necessarily promises) of what they would do when elected.

And I thought it would be interesting to see what sort of intentions you would pledge if running for Parliament/Office/Local Equivalent. Now it goes without saying that I'm trusting you to keep this a good clean thread, and to keep some of your more robust views to yourself. Don't worry about the practicality, this is an 'ideal world' game! As ever, I shall begin.

1. Public Service? Publically Owned. Power. Water. Transport. All will be bought out by the state. No company should be allowed to make a profit on the building blocks of not just society but in the case of warmth and water, human life. Water, Gas, Electricity would all be supplied by nationalised suppliers. Rather than seeking to post colossal profits, they are there to cover their own running and maintenance costs, reducing bills for populace. Transportation. See above. There to cover their own running and maintenance costs, without seeking to make a profit. Prices would be set nationally. So cost-per-mile would be the same no matter where you live. Whilst this may put costs up in some areas (though I doubt it!) it would provide a more mobile workforce. For instance, I'll soon be getting the Train from Tunbridge Wells to Canary Wharf 5-6 days a week. The costs? £375 a month. This is a roughly 40 mile or so journey. Compare to Brighton-London, roughly double the mileage - £309 a month. The reason for the difference? Sheer corporate greed, and there is no call for this when providing a public service.

2. Drugs. As someone extremely anti-drugs, to hell with this Class A-whatever system in the UK. Absolute zero tolerance. If you are caught with a controlled or illegal substance, and do not have a valid research license or medical prescription? Then you are doing time, and winding up with a criminal record. No warnings. No slap on the wrist. The sentence will be determined by the amount.

3. Benefits. Reduce the *cash* payments to those claiming benefits. Single parent? You can expect a weekly delivery of baby's requirements. The state will clothe you, feed you and shelter you, but it will not pamper you. Want ciggies and drink? Work opportunities in your community will be made available, from gardening local green areas, to assisting in childcare. Caught abusing the benefits system? Thank you for opting out. Here's the local paper, job adverts start on page x.

4. Education. University Tuition fees are to stay as they are. However, certain qualifications (teaching, nursing, medicine, things immediately useful to society, therefore not stuff like theatre studies, media studies etc) will be full funded by the State, as long as you pass the whole course. Where there is an identified skills shortage, courses will be subisidised by the state until the shortage is supplied. Where the rules change, the change will not impact those already accepted on a course, or currently studying.

5. Care for the Elderly. Rigorous minimum standards of care to be applied to the private sector. Although potentially racist, anyone working in this sector that does not speak the native tongue, whether cleaner or home manager will have to pass a language skills competency case. This isn't because you're johnny foreigner, but because these are frail older persons, and it is imperative that all members of staff are able to interact with the patients. Read, write, speak and comprehend to a set level. This does not mean you have to ditch your accent, but you must be able to understand and be understood in English.

There, that about wraps up my manifesto! VOTE FOR MYSTERY!