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  1. #61
    Chaplain
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    Aint nothing wrong with you. We all grieve differently, who knows, maybe some little thing will come up and a memory will surface and you will feel what you feel you should. Its not like the grief police are gonna lock you up
    I agree with Mystery, if u need help talk to professionals, if they didnt work they wouldn't exist.
    Heres a vitual manly handshake and hug, best I can do.
    If I had to guess I would guess it hasnt sunk in yet, I wish u luck when it does. I bet your parents could use your strength at this time.

  2. #62

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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychosplodge View Post
    Was it a long illness? I've seen people react like that when they knew it was coming have watched someone suffer for years, and they let it out at the funeral, rather than at the death, because the death was a release from suffering.
    I'm not sure. Didn't really think she had anything that'd be terminal. But considering it was lungs, might have even been a long-term issue from childhood, since she first developed bad issues with her lungs at that time (my dad said that one of the things that got him to stop was she'd cough so bad around him that she'd cough up blood). And given that she'd been in a hospital recently and released without anyone saying any more than "Well, you're pretty sick, but go ahead and take some medicine and rest, you'll be fine," that doesn't exactly raise warning flags either. Ditto for her posting to Facebook in the latter half of last week.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Alaric View Post
    I bet your parents could use your strength at this time.
    Only one of them left, and she's in a nursing home, but at least they got her back to being cognizant of what's going on around her, so she might not take it well.

  3. #63

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    Erik, if it's any help - we're always our own worst critics, especially those of us of above average intelligence.

    Whilst my familial losses are thankfully well short of a sibling or parent, please don't think your reaction makes you broken.

    I was the same way when my last three Grandparents died. I just accepted it, and busied myself with other things.

    We may not always see eye to eye, and have heated exchanges, but I'm here for you if you want a stranger to vent at over PM.
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  4. #64
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    Sorry Erik I applied my experience to it and made assumptions.
    But me being wrong doesn't mean you your reaction is wrong. I think like the others have said the media prime you to react a certain way, and that's why you're questioning yourself. Everyone deals with grief in their own way.

    And I should have said earlier, sorry for your loss.

    However the process of robo-insemination is far too complex for the human mind!
    A knee high fence, my one weakness

  5. #65
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    Apathy and emotional numbness are two very symptoms of depression, so if you've had experience with that it can definitely contribute. Also as other have said everyone grieves differently. For me, I am completely calm at the time, almost numb. I won't start crying or feeling upset until much later on, and it's usually other people crying at the funeral that sets me off. Some people grieve intensely but never cry. (And then think that the emotions they're feeling cannot be grief, because society tells us that grief = tears.) There's no 'right' way.
    Kabal of Venomed Dreams

  6. #66

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    I'm sorry to hear about your loss, but as others have said, there's no real set way to grieve. It's different for everyone, the same as happiness or love, and we all deal with it in different ways. Not crying doesn't mean you didn't care, I mean we can see that clearly and we're not there with you.

    It kinda reminds me of an Only Fools and Horses episode, I believe the one after Grandad has died. I can't find a clip sadly, but it's a very poignant moment where Rodney is trying process the grief throughout the episode and just can't. He grows increasing resentful of Del, who is laughing and joking as always despite the loss, which Rodney sees as him not caring.

    Towards the end of the episode, it becomes clear that they're just processing it differently, and Del felt he had to put a smile on for the situation because he didn't know how to process it himself. It's a nice episode that gets across the differences in grieving pretty well. The human brain is as varied as it is complex, and we more often react unlike the way we expect to react, than we react in the way we're expected to.
    Read the above in a Tachikoma voice.

  7. #67

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    I took a day off from work and came in this morning to get stuff done (because otherwise, it'll pile up, and that's no good, especially with weekly pushes meaning shorter turnaround time). People who've heard are asking me what I'm doing at work... Um... I have stuff that needs done. Wouldn't be fair to put off that responsibility.

    But that day off was just weird. Kind of needed it because I'm also a bit sick (pretty much annual bronchitis attack, coughing up blood and other nastiness). Without any work to do, I just had to try to find some way to fill the time. I played a bunch of different games, had to set goals for myself just to achieve something and feel like I wasn't just wasting time. ("Goals" like plowing through a couple old raids in WoW to boost a character's rep level, or getting a couple more heroes to level 60 in Marvel Heroes.) Dying Light was kind of a no-go... that game gets too stressful at times, and after trying it for a bit I realized I probably shouldn't play something that increases stress levels. Just was a weird day. Didn't feel like watching TV or anything. Kind of felt annoyed I skipped on work, but, well, being sick also meant rest was a good idea.

    Trying to think too much. Always a problem. Too much thinking, not enough emotion. Probably would have fewer bitter online spats if I could sort out how to balance those.

  8. #68

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    Right, digit extracted from bodily cavity.

    Signed up with a GP, and got my appointment on Monday at 10:40.

    Time to go see if I can't fix my brain, yes?
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  9. #69
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    if he gets out a model head and a hammer, maybe don't stay for the whole appointment
    Twelve monkeys, eleven hats. One monkey is sad.

  10. #70

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    If someone gets out a model anything and a hammer, I'd probably have a slightly violent reaction.

    Bit of a "trigger," I suppose.

    (I should probably explain... That's not a joke. My dad would destroy stuff if people weren't being properly obedient little robots. My mom's nice dishes, all my Star Wars stuff twice, my attempts at drawing so many times I just gave up. Collateral damage didn't matter, so one day he took a hammer to my brother's models on a desk because he was mad for whatever reason, and an Ork Nob I'd tried some new stuff on that looked awesome and I was so freaking proud of - oh, and was a limited model based on the GorkaMorka cover - was sitting there, and ended up also getting hit, completely flattening one side of the model. It was my brother he was lashing out at, but this miniature I loved just happened to be too close, and, well... that was that.)

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