Originally Posted by
ElectricPaladin
I've had my car broken into a couple of times.
Once I was angle-parked - which created a secluded space between my car and the car next to me - and I left a big black case (my army bag, btw) in the front seat, which attracted attention. Someone broke into my car and the car next to mine with a champaign bottle and stole stuff.
Now, was it my fault that my car was broken into?
No.
I behaved ethically. I did something that by all rights I should have been safe doing. Some douche-battleship decided to parasitize me and steal from me. He deserves nothing but scorn, and I deserve sympathy.
Now, are there things I can do to make myself safer? Absolutely. I could have put my army bag in the trunk instead. I could have driven a bit longer and found a more exposed parking spot. I could have not gone to that particular store for game night, on the edge - as it is - of a lousy part of Oakland. And that's what I've done from now on.
Here's the thing, though. When I called my wife in tears because my entire Blood Ravens army had been stolen, she didn't respond with "well, you should have been more careful." She was empathetic. She comforted me. She helped me plan to replace it.
When a girl is raped and the immediate response is "here's all the things you're doing wrong that makes this your fault," something is seriously f^cked up.
Secondly - and this is by far more disturbing - while it's one thing to acknowledge that people can do certain things to make themselves safer, it's something else entirely to put the onus entirely on the victim. When people talk about how girls need to dress differently, act differently, and so on in order to prevent themselves from getting raped, and don't bother to talk about how men need to behave differently... really? I mean, what would you do if the mayor of your city got up and said "we've given up on policing our streets - here's a list of things you can do to make yourself less likely to be the target of criminals. Good luck folks."
If I have daughters, I will teach them to protect themselves. I'd be stupid not to. No one has ever said that feminism means failing to acknowledge the painful realities of the world we live in. But I will also teach my sons to be proud, decent, compassionate men who would never hurt a girl (you know, unless she's into that sort of thing and asks really nicely). And I will never stop advocating, agitating, and protesting for the kind of laws and policies that will stop people from raping each other. Because the onus of the law belongs on the perpetrator, not the victim.
Secondly, let's go back to my car.
My car was broken into a second time because someone got into the garage under my apartment building. Luckily, nothing of value was taken. I say luckily, because my car was under my freaking apartment building. I had every reason to believe that it was safe. I might very well have left an army bag, or my phone, or my wallet, or whatever in there. Luckily, I didn't.
A lot of people think that rape is like having your car broken into on the street. The fact is, though, that that's wrong. Statistically speaking, most rapes are not violent rapes. Most rapists aren't random monsters roaming the streets. They are boyfriends and girlfriends, co-workers, best friends, roommates, dorm-mates, uncles and aunts, fathers and mothers. Most girls that are raped aren't raped because they were dressed like a "slut" and "drunk" in the "wrong part of town." They're raped because their boyfriends drug them, because their bosses coerce them, or their parents attacked them. They're raped because their friend who they trusted to be the designated driver decides to take advantage of them.
We like to think that rape is about random strangers because that's an easier face to deal with. You have an image of "rapist," and he's a stranger, his face hidden, walking down the street at night, looking for someone to hurt. What you can't deal with - what you try to ignore, regardless of the facts - is that the rapist looks like everyone else. He doesn't stalk his victim. He takes advantage of someone in a moment of entirely understandable weakness. And it isn't anyone's fault but the rapists.
