Mental Health Thread

Evening all.

My name is Mr Mystery, and I suffer from anxiety.

And I've finally decided I need to do something about it. At present this involves signing up to a GP (I'm in otherwise excellent health), getting an appropriate referral, and then rinsing my work based Bupa membership to go get my head fixed.

I don't really know when it started, but I know the triggers, so I guess that's something for the professionals to work with.

As I'm sure you're all aware, mental health remains a completely pointless taboo in our society, particularly for men, so I thought a Carey-Sharey thread might help us to dispel that in our own little neck of the cyber-woods.

In my case, my anxiety holds me back in relationships. I got royally messed up about 12 years ago, and no relationship has worked out since as I'm constantly haunted and even somewhat paranoid as a result of that particular head-wrecking.

But hey, the pros are out there and as ever I count myself fortunate that I won't need to worry about the cost (usually because NHS, but this time top level private care cover)

So, anyone else?

I have generalised anxiety and bouts of agoraphobia and depression so I can relate a bit. I can only manage a voluntary job at a place for disabled/mentally ill folk and also still live with a parent and where I live is quite isolated so i don't have many mates outside my vol-job that I see too much sadly. i'll just be busy fighting those daily mail readers that read this if you wonder where I am. My pet tarantula helps my health a lot, I do not know what I'd do without that 8-legged fuzzball. Making music and wargame miniatures also help a great deal (thank **** for those hobbies!)

I don't have any mental health issues myself, although I have accessed similar services before through Uni (relationship counselling and assertiveness training).

Good on you for starting the thread and seeking help :) It really is the most pointless taboo, I really don't see why illnesses of the mind should be any more scary or threatening than illnesses of the body. For me there isn't a distinction- illness is just illness, it doesn't matter in what form it comes.

Growing up I was a real wacky kid, had a lot more anxiety. Then round 19 I had a tumor explode my left nut, and had a bunch of surgeries and got all SUPER SUPER SUPER anxious from that, which btw is not a super uncommon thing to happen for people who end up for long hospital stays, but I already had a lot of issues with anxiety beforehand.

Took acid every day for about a month leading to a 10 trip hit that finally sort of traumatized me back straight, or rather the shrooms i took the next month were what really brought me back. Dropped out of school, quit my dayjob to do music engineering full time/spend every waking minute of my time playing music with people I know/friends, which turned out to be THE HANDS DOWN GREATEST decision of my life. Also I started smoking weed

TBH Im not sure if it was the trauma of an LSD trip that (that I nearly stabbed myself in the head with a screwdriver during) or the process of literally ditching everything in life I didnt care about that was already upsetting me, or both, but after that my Anxietys been managable sans zonky medication/un-soft self medication (mostly painkillers, the hospital gave me half a 375 of perkoset and a big ole grip of promethazines, I was basically on "That Lean" for about 5 months). It was like a weight lifted off my chest for the first time in my life

so looking back on what I just wrote perhaps aside from all the crazy stuff, yeah quitting ones dayjob for what one wants to do is the best advice.

Having money enough to "buy anything/do anything" one needs doesnt really help you if thats not something that can actually solve your problem! doing what you want with your life is the solution!

I'm chronically depressed and have a social anxiety disorder, first raised its head with a suicide attempt at 18 and have struggled on since, often self harmed and had suicidal thoughts but haven't made a serious attempt again.

I've been medicated for over 6 years now, sometimes pretty damn heavily. Without that, and various forms of counselling, I would no doubt have attempted suicide again and in all likelihood have succeeded.

I'm in a better place currently, I have rediscovered this hobby and found a great group of people who I now consider amongst my closest friends and a wider gaming circle of cool and laid back people. I am over 2 years sober and have cut off ties with many toxic people in my life. I still struggle with the anxiety and being comfortable in myself, but it's something I'm working, on to be the person I'm happy being and not the person other people think is funny and want me to be. I can still be a dickhead to people online, which isn't something I'm happy about and is a layover from my worst times where I'd be like that in real life but I really do try and stop myself, most of the time.

Hmm. I don't want to self-diagnose, so I have no names for anything that might be affecting me. And I really dislike hospitals and doctor's offices and the idea of taking medication that might affect how I think, so I haven't been to a doctor. Not sure if/when I will. But hey, might as well add my experiences here. Might help people understand me better.

And for my sake, too, I'm going to do my best to be open about things. I don't trust people by default, so right now I'm freaking out about "OMG what are they going to do with what I say? What will they think? How will they react?" Stuff like that.

So let's see...

I was born to a couple who were in their 30s at the time, and on their second stint together (which would last this time). From what I understand, my mom had an operation to have no more kids, and yet, I still came out. Not sure if that got things started on the wrong foot. My dad didn't work the whole time I was growing up, he was on disability and SS. My mom worked mostly cashier positions... she'd try to take classes to do better, but didn't seem to believe in herself. So we didn't have much money. I slept on a floor a lot, and at one point, sleeping on a coffee table as a "bed" seemed like a step up.

I was a "gifted" kid. Found a paper later warning parents about the issues that could present. Clearly they didn't read it. Like you shouldn't let a gifted kid watch the news all the time, because they'll understand it and piece together what's going on. But my dad kept it on CNN and FNC (and sometimes BBC or other news networks) darned near 24/7, so there I was, soaking it all in. The news is never good. As a kid, you just see a world full of people hating, and killing, and hurting, and endless wars, and you know, inside, you can't do anything to stop it.

But hey, family presents you with a nurturing warm light to shine away that darkness, right? Oh hell no. My parents argued constantly and would just wreck stuff in the house, and would turn to destroying our stuff (the kids) to try to get us to turn on the other parent. I have a teddy bear I got when I was four, I keep it to this day as a reminder of a lot of things, between the sewn-up cuts from parents to the soot from the two house fires it somehow managed to survive. Even on Christmas, that kind of stuff kept going on. Got to where even my siblings hated each other. Fights were too regular. And my dad didn't shy from getting physical in keeping people in line. I'd get hit by a cane for doing nothing. My dad would get me to do all the same hobbies as him, both because it meant someone could help him with assembling things (and, later, painting models... most of his models I'd painted), but also because he tended to piss off everyone else. One day I was playing a computer game with him (Warlords II, I think, actually a fun game). The way he played those games was that, if he started to lose, he'd reset the game. So it didn't matter what I did, I wouldn't be allowed to win. I wasn't showing enough enthusiasm about sitting there playing out the motions, and he got mad and slapped me so hard it knocked me right out of the chair I was sitting in.

Any award I got, he was quick to say how he "taught me everything" (even claiming credit for teaching me how to code on the web, despite knowing nothing about how to do it, and I did his websites for him). And the one time I beat him to win a tournament, he threw a fit and I just agreed to mark it as a draw; I still won first overall because more people voted for me as best opponent, and I voted for a really nice guy as best opponent, and my dad was pissed I didn't vote for him. Later on, when I'd had enough and left to get my own place (I'll get to that), he kept the hammer I'd won as a trophy, hiding it under his bed... which unfortunately was practically ground zero for the worst house fire, destroying the hammer. (A friend later got me a replacement almost exactly the same. Said friend is, by miles, my best friend.) At 10 years old, I got a couple trophies from a slot car series I competed in. I was in the juniors (dominated so much they had to make a mid-level class to get me out), my dad was in the seniors, but he didn't place in his series. Years later, he pulled the plate off of one of my trophies and glued it to his slot car box so he could claim he'd won a series he didn't place in, leaving me with a defaced trophy. (Bonus points: The box he glued it to was an expensive hand-made box I got him for Christmas. Seriously an amazing box. Have to get it from my family some day.)

Wasn't allowed to do anything after school. I had to go home and be there to do things for people. Had to stay up late to help out, so I was tired in school, which of course affected my grades, as did slipping into some seriously depressed feelings, which were easier to deal with by just being angry a lot. My dad would instead blame things like my liking Star Wars (he destroyed all my Star Wars stuff twice), or my drawing (destroyed all my drawings multiple times, to where I just stopped trying to draw any more). He was a big fan of punishment through destroying things. Got pissed at my brother once and decided to hammer the crap out of his Eldar. Sadly, I had a GorkaMorka special Nob (the one made to look like the cover) on the desk near them, and I was proud of it because I was still learning to paint and thought I got the leather to look awesome, but next thing I know, one entire side of the model is smashed flat. I hadn't even done anything. "Blame your brother!" I was told.

Going through school, I was "awkward," so of course people avoided me, and everything I experienced told me that people just hated me, so I kept to myself most of the time.

I'll fast forward a bit ahead...

Struck out on my own. Got a decent job, got my own place, was hated for not giving all my money to the family to waste. A friend introduced me to a political group. Sounded like they were for some good stuff, so I was eager to join. Put a lot of work into it. But alas, it's politics. I tried to keep things honest and keep people going toward the goal. We preached accountability in politicians, we should have it ourselves, right? Nope! Got burned repeatedly for doing what we said all the time was the right thing. The final nail with that group was when I had a question about some financial stuff not being recorded on the public record, and rather than say anything in front of the organization members, I asked about it privately, which was then claimed to be me saying they were doing shady dealings, and they used that to hold a meeting where I wasn't allowed (despite being a national board member, not just a local board member), and voted to ignore the organization's own rules and kick me out, even though they couldn't... but I just walked about, because forget that noise. Lo and behold, the group fell apart, someone's trying to pick up the pieces, and keeps wanting me to help now.

In that time frame, I also had that first job come to an end, because after being promised the manager job, it was given to someone with much less experience and knowledge who was a true yes-man, and I wasn't quiet about that BS or the fact we were doing stupid stuff that was bad for people's websites. Then I got a brief job where I was asked to do a combination of a coupon site, online classifieds, community calendar, and a bunch of other stuff, with varying payment levels for subscriptions, all from scratch... and still nearly pulled it off in just two month's time, despite even having to do the designer's job because he didn't "feel" the project. But since the manager screwed up client expectations and kept overpromising, one of the people there was upset (though everyone I talked to was very happy with me), and he blamed me and booted me.

I have never had a relationship, and doubt I ever will. I think I had a "girlfriend" way back in 4th grade, but does that really count? No woman wants someone who doesn't have looks, money, or power. And it's worse when I see situations where someone knew I was the only person around who cared about them, the only person they could trust, but "it wouldn't work out" (but it totally works out with someone with a lot more money and looks who they can't be as honest with).

I'm not even good with trying to get friends. I have plenty of friendly acquaintances, but it's hard to know who I can call "friend." There is one person I know I can... she is by far my best friend. There's someone I hang out with a lot and talk to pretty much every day, but, no offense to him, she'll always be my best friend, the one consistent light and one of the few things keeping me sort-of sane.

I try to be nice to people, and help people, but that so often ends with bad experiences. Family members or a "friend" who come crying for help with some serious financial issue, and I help, and then they never pay back any of it, or return favors. It's an ongoing experience, I do for others and get nothing in return. I have no idea why I even try to help. Logically, it's stupid. I shouldn't. But I feel bad if I don't. Heck, I feel bad if I even think to myself that I don't want to sit on the computer and talk to someone while playing games (especially as it's probably hurting my health)... but then I realize they probably need someone to talk to and keep them from feeling bad, so I just tough it out anyway.

I don't mention all of this as "feel bad for me." It's to try to give backstory to how I feel and think.

I see around me a really awful world. Hate, anger, violence, sadness, and people just want to keep it going, but in a way that benefits them, rather than solve it. People are so vile and awful. They do disgusting things and I hate them for it. I can't do anything to stop all that, and I feel sad about that. But I also hate myself for being so powerless.

I am alone, and not just in not having a relationship. I don't trust people enough to relate to them how I feel. Even if they aren't judgmental, I feel like I'm selfishly putting my burdens on them. So the extremely rare person who might actually care, I don't want to burden them with my troubles. I don't see that changing.

I think "depression" is the best term for what I feel on a constant basis. Sometimes I don't catch myself in time and I let anger wash to the surface because it's an easier emotion to deal with, but that leaves me hating myself more and feeling worse. Crowds bother me because people are just... bleh. I go to lunch in the cafeteria and have to get through line quickly and find a hidden corner, because with each passing day the presence of people around me makes me feel more and more nervous, and it makes me feel like I'm going to literally have a heart attack.

The thought of just taking away all that misery with one action does come to mind... but right now it's held back because I think: "The kittens would never do well with someone else, especially Myr. He's a mess but he doesn't deserve that." "There's no backup plan for me at work. All the things I do wouldn't be done until they get a replacement, and that's just screwing all those people over." It's not a belief in a better future that keeps me going, but knowing that I would be letting people down.

Yeah, I know I'm loud. I have to show pride in the things I do right because I know I'm such a screw up in so many other ways. I don't like dishonesty so I always try to be honest in how I feel about anything, but that might not be a positive opinion and I forget that the "accepted" social norm is to not express negative opinions.

I try to be a good person, but I know I'm not. I can't be. If so many people hate you and hardly anyone likes you and no one, not even your family, loves you, then how good can you be? And there, I find myself thinking again... would the negatives caused by removing such wrongness from the world be worse than the positives it'd bring? Surely the net positive would be worth it?

For as much as you hate doctors and whatnot (I do too) I think you should talk to a shrink. Stigmas aside they really do help. I have a buddy who was on the verge of losing everything but after talking to someone its like hes a brand new dude, ive known him since I was 15 so I could tell.
Sometimes talking to someone who really doesnt know a damn thing aboot you can help. His words, not mine.

Yer all brave for sharing. Good on ya Mystery.

As for myself. Ive been screwy from day one. Always knew it but its damn near impossible to fix. I just surrounded myself with good people and I have my outlets, games, buddies n drugs.
We only get one life and for meself, ill do the best I can to enjoy it and not focus on the bad.

[url]http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2015/12/games-workshop-has-me-worried.html[/url]

On topic frontpage article making light of depression, fun times.

Blech.

Irritating thing is, depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

I've suffered from it, and I dare say my anxiety is firmly linked to it.

Some might consider me weak. But hey, let's take stock of what I've been through....

Starting in 2000?

House fire.
Really bad break up
Homeless for a year
Rape
Various failed relationships, all my own doing
Inability to feel much
Oppressive Boss who nearly set me back to my depression
Oh, and genuinely confused with a murderer by the national press.

And that's just first hand stuff I've dealt with. All in, I'm amazed I'm doing as well as I am (superb career, well respected in said career, got a really nice flat, earning solid money etc) and have managed to remain largely sane.

So what if from time to time I find myself in a fug? I manage to have a word with myself in the end and emerge ok.

Please note, this is just my experience. It is by no means intended as the start of a misery contest. Remember, the worst thing that ever happened in a given person's life is just that - the worst thing to happen [i]to them[/]. Misery Measuring achieves nothing beyond making all parties feel bad. Just wanted to clarify in case any was thinking it was some kind of dig etc.

Onwards and upwards my friends.

Onwards and upwards.

Until the last couple of years I didn't fully understand how much havoc an out of control mind can cause the body. A few deaths and other family issues sent me into a spiral of depression that eventually lead to panic attacks, anxiety and a 5 month marathon of major insomnia! The insomnia was truly God awful... after a few days of sleeping 1-2 hours a night a person becomes a walking zombie. Sometimes I would suddenly become aware of what I was doing or where I was but couldn't remember how long I was there or how I got there. I started having breathing problems, digestive issues and a host of other crap. Luckily a physician friend helped break the insomnia with medication and then I was able to make some other changes to relieve the anxiety.

Now it's easy to understand how this stuff can lead people to suicide... at the low points you feel like it will never get better. Good news to anyone suffering though cause it can get better. Way, way better.

Good luck on your side of the pond Mystery! Hope you get the same results I have.

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Originally Posted by Erik Setzer

I try to be nice to people, and help people, but that so often ends with bad experiences. Family members or a "friend" who come crying for help with some serious financial issue, and I help, and then they never pay back any of it, or return favors. It's an ongoing experience, I do for others and get nothing in return. I have no idea why I even try to help. Logically, it's stupid. I shouldn't. But I feel bad if I don't. Heck, I feel bad if I even think to myself that I don't want to sit on the computer and talk to someone while playing games (especially as it's probably hurting my health)... but then I realize they probably need someone to talk to and keep them from feeling bad, so I just tough it out anyway.

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Quote:

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I try to be a good person, but I know I'm not. I can't be. If so many people hate you and hardly anyone likes you and no one, not even your family, loves you, then how good can you be? And there, I find myself thinking again... would the negatives caused by removing such wrongness from the world be worse than the positives it'd bring? Surely the net positive would be worth it?

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Erik, I know I've disagreed with things you have said here on BOLS before, but on the whole I definitely respect your posts, and I can't read this without seeing the contradiction you yourself have just posted. See the quotes above (there is more in the first part you wrote too). Your worth isn't only measured by how others treat you.

I appreciate that you did start by saying how you dislike medication and and medical environments, but some of the things you are working through alone (or near alone, this friend sounds like a true friend) are things that talking therapies can help a lot with. It would probably require spending a good deal of time in setting you are not comfortable with though, so I can understand you not wanting to engage with that, but don't rule it out. I'm not sure what the provision is like in the US either though.

I have had very negative experiences with medication so I can understand why someone would be hesitant to give that stuff a go. Best thing I find is just focussing on my music and projects but that might not be for everyone.

I'm glad somebody's started a thread like this, good on you Mystery.

As for myself, I do understand where most of you are coming from, at a young age I've had to look after my mother who had a serious weight disorder and Epiolepsy (sp?), my father was too self centred to give a damn about anyone else except himself and he was unemployed pretty much permently so as a family we had very little money, needless to say Child Poverty is a terrorible thing to live through and I truely dispair that it's still occours even here in London, one of the richest cities in Europe.

So growing up at school, I was bullied daily because of my circumstance (and kids really can be crueller then adults) and was pretty much a full time carer for my mother.

Needless to say, I had problems at school as a result of all that I ended up having to go to a special educational needs school, which is where I first came to learn about the Warhammer world through Hero Quest, sadly after 4 years their that school got closed down and I ended up at another similar one, which when I was 16 also closed down.

I had little in the way of quailfiactions, and ended up working in retailling where I've been stuck for almost 18 years now on and off, during which I was finally dignosed with "Recursive depression" (docs words not mine).

Sadly this summer it's flaired up quite badly and I've struggle to do anything but go to work and come home again and just read whatever I can, just to stop thinking anything, my figure painting has just dropped right off and it's annoying me, but I just can't get into it at present, I'm hoping when Christmas is over, I should be in a better frame of mind.

Thankfully I've managed to stay away from being Suicidal all this time, mostly because I'm afraid of making things worse for me physically if I tried to end my life and F***ed the attempt up.

And to be honest, I'm grateful that I do have that niggling thought keeping me from going over that line.

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Originally Posted by Darren Richardson

I'm afraid of making things worse for me physically if I tried to end my life and F***ed the attempt up.

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It is seriously hard to do it in a way that is 100% successful, and the results of an unsuccessful attempt are rather awful. Even the old standby of "bullet to the brain" carries a high risk that, rather than killing yourself, you'll actually just screw up your motor skills or even just reduce yourself to a vegetative state, and in the process, actually make your life a lot worse. So yeah, the risks are way too high. (Not that there's a real "risk vs reward" thing here, as objectively the reward is no reward at all.)

If you hit a deep depression that makes it difficult to do basic human stuff, take a look at this self care checklist - [url]http://bit.ly/1FmQ2Rn[/url] - esp if you don't have someone that can remind you.

I was initially treated for depression while still at primary school. And have suffered bouts on and off ever since.
At my worst (about 22) I gave up eating more or less completely (theres a scary photo on fb of me at about 8 stone, I'm 6'3") because I just couldn't be arsed any more, and I started suffering anxiety and panic attacks.
While I only suffered panic attacks for about six months when I was at my lowest, I've never fully recovered from the anxiety and still struggle to make a phonecall to someone I don't know and will put it off to the last possible moment( bear in mind I'm expected to provide occasional over the phone tech support, fun eh?).
Getting the right medication is important. It took four attempts before I found something that could make me function. And that's all it does it makes you function, not better. And the side effects of the ones that didn't work were downright terrifying at times.
It also shows you just who your friends really are and can surprise you with the answers.
I don't expect to ever recover from depression, but I am largely functional.

more disability benefit cuts :
[url]http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/the-government-is-cutting-a-disability-benefit-that-already-leaves-a-third-of-recipients-unable-to-a6764641.html[/url]

A choice quote from the article

The Government says cutting the disability benefits payments by nearly a third will help incentivise sick and disabled people to find jobs.


I feel like jumping off a cliff more and more these days and if I didn't have a parent to look after me I probably would be a goner by now. So nice to live in a country run by overpriviliged, rich sociopaths that seemingly enjoy targetting those of that are the weakest and most vulnerable along with their apathetic voters. What do you mean I sound angry?

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Originally Posted by Asymmetrical Xeno

more disability benefit cuts :
[url]http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/the-government-is-cutting-a-disability-benefit-that-already-leaves-a-third-of-recipients-unable-to-a6764641.html[/url]

A choice quote from the article

The Government says cutting the disability benefits payments by nearly a third will help incentivise sick and disabled people to find jobs.


I feel like jumping off a cliff more and more these days and if I didn't have a parent to look after me I probably would be a goner by now. So nice to live in a country run by overpriviliged, rich sociopaths that seemingly enjoy targetting those of that are the weakest and most vulnerable along with their apathetic voters. What do you mean I sound angry?

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What the ****? What the actual ****?!! That makes no bloody sense at all! Because disability and mental health aren't sidelined enough as it is... I hope this doesn't affect my brother's situation too much.

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People in the benefit group facing the cut are new claimants who the Department for Work and Pensions has deemed to have a limited capacity to work at some point in the future.

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****, it most likely will affect him then.

I sincerely hope your brother will be okay :( Iain Duncan Smith should be fired and put on trial for crimes against humanity.

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Originally Posted by Asymmetrical Xeno

I sincerely hope your brother will be okay :( Iain Duncan Smith should be fired and put on trial for crimes against humanity.

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Thank you. He has a pretty crippling bi-polar/Asperger's syndrome combo, but anyone who would just talk to him on the street would probably think he is pretty functional and capable.

yes, they are what I call "invisible" illnesses. I guess I am the same with that as i might seem "ok" to most people, even though on the inside I am struggling to stop myself from having an anxiety attack 99% of the time.

One day I might go see a psychiatrist, or even a therapist to talk stuff through, if the NHS is even still around when I get round to it. I've been...coasting, for the last year now. That's probably the best word to describe it, just going through each day using the inertia of the last, but with no real drive to change my course or improve my situation. It's not really a hopelessness or sadness, just a sort of empty feeling.

I know I want to work on the college course I'm doing alongside my job, because it'll give me some cool opportunities, but I just don't have the drive. I wake up in the morning, get myself to work, and go through the day doing as little as possible, because nothing feels like it's worth doing. Nothing I do really feels worthwhile, like it'll matter or that anyone will care. I hang out with friends and feel great, then go home and start to disassemble the notion that they even like me. I sit at home certain they just deal with me because of habit and that they're probably embarrassed to have me around, which leads to me going out and talking to them less because I start to think that they don't like me. In person, with people, I can laugh and joke, take 'banter' and give it out, but in private I find myself picking over every, little thing and overthinking it. Did they really mean what they said, and just hid it with humour? Am I the sad loser they pity, and so they just let me tag along?

It really, really makes it hard to get help when you feel that no-one would care if you did lay your problems before them. I really don't know what this all is, but it f*cking sucks, and the whole mindset is draining my life away as I feel less and less motivated to even get up in the morning, but I have to because it'll all be so much worse if I don't work and go paycheck-to-paycheck buying crap I don't need for the temporary joy of simply owning something.

I'm not even remotely a doctor, so I'll qualify my comments with that, and that I'm only going from personal experience...

Sounds like your brain is caught "over-analyzing" stuff, CG. It's got free time and it wants to think about stuff because it can't be turned off, so it goes to sorting through what was said during the day, and trying to guess at hidden meanings, stuff like that. My brain does a lot of that kind of stuff, and throws in predicting future scenarios and their worst-case situations just for good measure.

I'm not sure it'd work for you, but I'd suggest trying to find multiple hobbies that can "absorb" all your thinking. Watching TV and movies doesn't work so well, you're not having to think. Books, games, art (including assembling and painting models), stuff like that, those are good things to have around when you're alone. And a good selection of websites with stuff to read.

For example, every day at lunch I go down to the cafeteria to get some food, and with all those people around, I might start wondering what they're thinking about me, or what something said earlier in the day meant... so instead of letting my mind wander through those thoughts, I pull up Cracked.com and check out an article or two. Gets my mind thinking about what I'm reading and not the people around me. In the morning I'll skim some sports sites, gaming sites, listen to the local news. On the way to work I listen to sports talk (only talk radio I can deal with... maybe podcasts would be good?) and have a book or maybe comics to read.

It's not really getting rid of those thoughts, but it can make them a lot more manageable, and without them invading your head all the time, they might not prove such a drain on you. You might even find yourself thinking about all the stuff you're reading, writing, playing, etc., with your brain spending more time on that than picking apart the words of others.

It might not help, granted. Everyone is different. But hey, it's free advice. Worst that could happen is I just wasted a few minutes of your time reading this.

I'm not sure if you looking for/want any advice, so don't read any further if your not.

How you have described how your feeling and how your thinking are depressive symptoms, and seeing your GP about them is likely to be helpful. If you don't want to go down that route now or ever, you can still access the same kind of therapy without waiting for a course of CBT.

[url]https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome[/url] This one is a pretty good free example of cCBT (they have changed the web design since I last visited). The process behind it is sound, but it can be damn hard to motivate yourself to keep up a cCBT course, but if you want to give it a go, it could help. There are other cCBT courses available, but this is the best free one, and the subscription ones are not statistically any more effective anyway ([url]http://www.bmj.com/content/351/bmj.h5627[/url]).

What Erik has suggested is also helpful, but is more management of the symptoms, CBT is something that can stop them altogether for at least awhile, so always worth considering.

So after my combat experience I have episodes where I have flashbacks that are full on hallucinations, moments of hyper alertness brought on by outside stimuli, and get combative while in deep sleep or under anesthesia. I was told by the VA that because I don't have anger/suicide issues nor have I lost interest in things that brought me joy that this is classified as Anxiety.

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Originally Posted by Just Tony

So after my combat experience I have episodes where I have flashbacks that are full on hallucinations, moments of hyper alertness brought on by outside stimuli, and get combative while in deep sleep or under anesthesia. I was told by the VA that because I don't have anger/suicide issues nor have I lost interest in things that brought me joy that this is classified as Anxiety.

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That sounds similar to PTSD, which is a subset of anxiety in a way I suppose, but it seems odd for a veterans' organisation to classify it as such.
[url]http://patient.info/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd[/url]

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Originally Posted by Mr Mystery

Evening all.

My name is Mr Mystery, and I suffer from anxiety.

And I've finally decided I need to do something about it. At present this involves signing up to a GP (I'm in otherwise excellent health), getting an appropriate referral, and then rinsing my work based Bupa membership to go get my head fixed.

I don't really know when it started, but I know the triggers, so I guess that's something for the professionals to work with.

As I'm sure you're all aware, mental health remains a completely pointless taboo in our society, particularly for men, so I thought a Carey-Sharey thread might help us to dispel that in our own little neck of the cyber-woods.

In my case, my anxiety holds me back in relationships. I got royally messed up about 12 years ago, and no relationship has worked out since as I'm constantly haunted and even somewhat paranoid as a result of that particular head-wrecking.

But hey, the pros are out there and as ever I count myself fortunate that I won't need to worry about the cost (usually because NHS, but this time top level private care cover)

So, anyone else?

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Yep, all was fine until the beginning of last year. The stress of moving abroad and all the hoops we had to go though to make it happen. Living with my in laws for 8 months. Finding work and loosing it after 8 weeks. Finally getting a very good job in an industry I know nothing about and having to adapt very quickly all took its toll.
I didn't even realize I was suffering mentally. Finally wife said enough was enough and I took a trip to my Dr who luckily is another expat. I've been on Prozac now for 6 weeks. Started on 10mg a day and went up to 20 a couple weeks ago. All I can say is that it seems to be working. I feel like myself again. No longer a shadow just struggling everyday.
Good luck Mystery, many of us it seems are in the same boat at some point in our lives.

We did make the decision to get ourselves a dog. I've always found pets and children very calming and I love having a furry friend around. However we could not decide between two from a litter of Bernese mountain dogs.....so we got both. Both are now 4 months old and combined weigh over 80 lbs. Angus and Mac.

[URL=http://s844.photobucket.com/user/joenortonjones/media/7183A1F3-11FA-4A89-996E-54AD827AB63E.jpg.html]http://i844.photobucket.com/albums/a...AD827AB63E.jpg[/URL]

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Originally Posted by Haighus

That sounds similar to PTSD, which is a subset of anxiety in a way I suppose, but it seems odd for a veterans' organisation to classify it as such.
[url]http://patient.info/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd[/url]

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It sounds EXACTLY like that, but suicidal thoughts/anger/lethargy are all signs of PTSD, and I don't have them, so I got diagnosed with anxiety.

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Originally Posted by Just Tony

It sounds EXACTLY like that, but suicidal thoughts/anger/lethargy are all signs of PTSD, and I don't have them, so I got diagnosed with anxiety.

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I feel like you should probably get a second opinion there. The care pathways here in the UK have depression as a common condition to have alongside PTSD, not a diagnostic criteria, and the anger and lethargy as secondary symptoms not the primary symptoms. Hyper alertness and severe flash backs are primary symptoms though.

It sounds like they want to keep the reported numbers of PTSD down, common for militaries.


I also have PTSD as well, I have it from my childhood though. I suffered some really crappy abuse, the kind no one wants to hear about, from about 4 or 5 until I was 15. I can't enjoy anything any more and just keeps getting worse.

I had to go on medically leave a few months ago because I just lost it at work, I thought people were all laughing at me and saying things under their breath. I threw **** around and then ran outside and headbutted a wall so hard I couldn't see for a few seconds. Now I think people at work are scared of me and don't want me to go back, I am scared of myself.

I hate sex, I can't have a real conversation. I feel like my whole life has been stolen. Can't stop crying


thank you i know its a bit much but thank you

From what I'm reading of the experiences of others, it seems I'm getting off lightly.

Still need to pull my finger out and register with a GP, but I'm hoping I can be treated without pills. I'm kind of wary of such things, and would prefer the counselling route to help me find out the root cause.

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Originally Posted by Mr Mystery

From what I'm reading of the experiences of others, it seems I'm getting off lightly.

Still need to pull my finger out and register with a GP, but I'm hoping I can be treated without pills. I'm kind of wary of such things, and would prefer the counselling route to help me find out the root cause.

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Don't downplay your pain, it hurts no less just differently.

I would suggest going the counciling route first, lots of doctors will push pills, but you can tell them no I just want counciling and they should help you with that.

You are right to be wary of medication. I've been on medication for over 10 years and nothing has really ever worked for me and I have only ever had negative side effects, allthough I am just one person and others may have more positive experience with medication. Currently coming off venlafexine and my body temperature is all over the place - ill be hot and sweating for a while, then I feel frozen and cold and all the while constantly itching to the point I've ended up cutting myself from scratching all over my body.

I think the councilling route is also a good try, also perhaps CBT (for anxiety) - CBT has helped me to an extent, allthough the local services for it have had so many cutbacks thanks to our Sociopath Tory Overlords it was a total mess for me last time I tried to get help from them.

Big boon for me is private healthcare through work. I'm told we get the top level cover, so I might as well make use.

Mine really kicks in with social situations. I used to think it was just me being introverted, but once I'm comfortable around folk I'm quite the extrovert.

Do you have a pet? I find animals help a lot. I've found my tarantula eases my anxiety and calms me down a bit, allthough I guess that probably wouldn't work for most people lol but others do say their cat/dog/xenomorph helps them in similar ways. Pets tend to "notice" when you are feeling bad to, or at least my 8-legged queen seems to know as she'll nuzzle into the palm of my hand and it's the only time she ever lets me stroke her properly.

Nah.

I've got the space for a Doggy now, but my professional lifestyle doesn't allow. I'm out the house at 6am, and not usually back before 7pm, thanks to commuting.

Wouldn't be at all fair. Spesh as I'd have a Labrador, or a Rottie.

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Originally Posted by Mr Mystery

Nah.

I've got the space for a Doggy now, but my professional lifestyle doesn't allow. I'm out the house at 6am, and not usually back before 7pm, thanks to commuting.

Wouldn't be at all fair. Spesh as I'd have a Labrador, or a Rottie.

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I guess thats one plus of a tarantula, they are very low maintence and she tends to keep to her tunnel in her tank and only needs to be fed a few times a month. Have you considered something like goldfish?

Thats a long work day, it's good you can work a well paid job like that so you have some good support from that at least it sounds :)

So this is to Erik Setzer.

I've had you on block for a year now. I've not seen a single message you wrote, because literally every word you write ruins my day. The stuff you say is so awful, so vile, so utterly antithetical to every principle, value and ideal I hold to be true, that I can't abide a single thing you've said. My own tendencies towards depression means I just get really unhappy and stay that way for a long time. I would say that it's no exaggeration to state that I hate you as fully and completely as I've hated anyone.

By chance, my block was down and I caught sight of your posts here.

You shouldn't hurt yourself, and you shouldn't be miserable. You should seek help. Depression is a terrible thing; it warps the world, makes us unable to see the value in things, including ourselves. As someone who would be happy to see you leave this forum forever, believe me when I say: you should not kill yourself. That would be a terrible, terrible thing.

It took me a long time to admit I needed counselling, but when I went, I wondered why I'd never been before. Everyone who hasn't been bases it on hearsay and the pop-cultural osmosis of TV, where characters refuse to seek help for a variety of crappy reasons, which all ultimately boil down to the fact the writers have never been for help themselves and so don't know what they're on about.

Counselling will help, if you go into it with an open mind.

The best thing to do is to book appointments with 3 to 4 counsellors or therapists, and, essentially, 'interview' them. Go for a single session, and see which of them you 'click' with. That's something people get wrong too: don't just go for the first - counselling is a personal link, and so they have to be the right person for you.

If you give it an honest, decent go, it could really help, especially with things like your horrifyingly nihilistic - and innaccurate - view that the world is a horrible place full only of horrible people.

Erik, I say this as someone who hates you: I hope you get well and find happiness. Suicide is not, and will never be an answer, because it negates the possibility that your life could ever have been used to create happiness, to help others, to improve things. I don't want to see you in pain, because I wouldn't wish depression on anyone, even someone I don't like personally. I hope you can move forwards in a positive way, and that, in your future, you can improve things for yourself in real, meaningful ways. Happiness may not be possible, but contentment - a sense that things are going to be okay - is. I hope you can find that peace.

I really do.

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Originally Posted by YorkNecromancer

So this is to Erik Setzer.

I've had you on block for a year now. I've not seen a single message you wrote, because literally every word you write ruins my day. The stuff you say is so awful, so vile, so utterly antithetical to every principle, value and ideal I hold to be true, that I can't abide a single thing you've said. My own tendencies towards depression means I just get really unhappy and stay that way for a long time. I would say that it's no exaggeration to state that I hate you as fully and completely as I've hated anyone.

By chance, my block was down and I caught sight of your posts here.

You shouldn't hurt yourself, and you shouldn't be miserable. You should seek help. Depression is a terrible thing; it warps the world, makes us unable to see the value in things, including ourselves. As someone who would be happy to see you leave this forum forever, believe me when I say: you should not kill yourself. That would be a terrible, terrible thing.

It took me a long time to admit I needed counselling, but when I went, I wondered why I'd never been before. Everyone who hasn't been bases it on hearsay and the pop-cultural osmosis of TV, where characters refuse to seek help for a variety of crappy reasons, which all ultimately boil down to the fact the writers have never been for help themselves and so don't know what they're on about.

Counselling will help, if you go into it with an open mind.

The best thing to do is to book appointments with 3 to 4 counsellors or therapists, and, essentially, 'interview' them. Go for a single session, and see which of them you 'click' with. That's something people get wrong too: don't just go for the first - counselling is a personal link, and so they have to be the right person for you.

If you give it an honest, decent go, it could really help, especially with things like your horrifyingly nihilistic - and innaccurate - view that the world is a horrible place full only of horrible people.

Erik, I say this as someone who hates you: I hope you get well and find happiness. Suicide is not, and will never be an answer, because it negates the possibility that your life could ever have been used to create happiness, to help others, to improve things. I don't want to see you in pain, because I wouldn't wish depression on anyone, even someone I don't like personally. I hope you can move forwards in a positive way, and that, in your future, you can improve things for yourself in real, meaningful ways. Happiness may not be possible, but contentment - a sense that things are going to be okay - is. I hope you can find that peace.

I really do.

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Here is will TL;DR it for all in a way you could have done it:

Hey Erik, not a fan but I hate to see you down. I think you should seek out a psychiatrist or three and find the one thats right for you. Talking to someone can really help.
I hope that you can find some peace. Good luck.




That's all yer getting from me Mystery.

And that's enough on that subject.

Alaric, I invite you to retract your post in its entirety as it only threatens to derail a thread, and one which may prove valuable to other posters.

Yorknecromancer, I invite you to redact your post, particularly the first paragraph, and the last paragraph.