I think it's spot on to observe that this is fundamentally a young person's problem. Of course, adult men sometimes still fall into this trap, but I am willing to bet that's mostly adults who never got over it as teenagers.
To relate this back to patriarchy - a teenage guy receives plenty of signals that one of the key indicators of his transition from boy to man is his ability to attract women. If one accepts this premise, then it follows if he is unable to attract women:
- Not a good man.
- A good man, surrounded by better men.
- A good man, surrounded by bad women.
Most guys aren't very ready to admit that there's something wrong with them, especially in the teenage years when there's so much identity-building going on to begin with. So identifying the problem as #1 is rare. #2 is equally unpalatable, unless you twist it to say that those manlier men aren't really better than you, because they're clearly scum - even if only you can see it. That would work, and bonus identity points that you're such a better judge of character than everyone else! And #3 is also an easy out.