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Zacharius
08-11-2009, 08:52 PM
OK, so this is a just for fun thread. The rules are simple, the joke must start with

"A space marine walks into a bar..."

but after that their are no rules. See I told you it was simple. Now stop reading this and start writing your joke already!

Dwarflord17404
08-11-2009, 09:15 PM
A space marine walks into a bar and fails his armour save. You lose combat by 1 and retreat becasue of the unknow threat. ( see I told you it was lame)

Drunkencorgimaster
08-12-2009, 11:52 AM
Space Marine walks into a bar. The bar is not made of adamantium, so it breaks in half.

L192837465
08-12-2009, 02:07 PM
A space marine walks into a bar and asks "where da white woman at!?"

Then people throw eggs at him for being a racist douche.

JuiceSpringsteen!
08-12-2009, 02:12 PM
A space marine walks into a bar and orders a bud lite. He is then instantly roundhouse-decapitated by Chuck Norris, who yells "Space Marines don't order women drinks!!!"

Lame as hell? Yes. Worth it for the first of the inevitable Chuck Norris references? Definitely.
I should get "Space Marines don't order women drinks!!!" on a shirt.

Aldramelech
08-12-2009, 02:16 PM
Americans are strange............

ThePov
08-12-2009, 02:23 PM
Americans are strange............
What was your first clue?


Anyway, a Space Marine walks into a bar, and sees an Ork already sitting on a stool. He walks up to the Ork and says "Get out! I don't drink with Xenos scum!"

The Ork replies "Why not? I'm a Fungi!"


Old as dirt, but adapted for 40K.

Drunkencorgimaster
08-12-2009, 04:58 PM
Space Marine walks into a bar with his friend who happens to be a roast beef sandwich. Barkeep says "The Astartes can stay, but the sandwich has to go!" Sandwich asks "Why?" Barkeep says, "We don't serve food here."

Drunkencorgimaster
08-12-2009, 05:01 PM
Same Space Marine walks into an Isreali bar with a different food friend. This one is a ham sandwich. Barkeep says, "The Astartes can stay, but the sandwich has to go!" Sandwich says "Why?" Barkeep says "We only serve Kosher food in here."

johnny_trash
08-12-2009, 07:10 PM
Anyone heard the one about the black and white space marine on the black and white bike????


Anyway: A blood angel, dark angel, and a space wolf walk into a bar and each orders a drink. The Blood Angel looks down at his beer and sees a fly in it, at which point he flips a bat****, shoots the bar in half, and totally ruins his chance with the sisters at Table 6. The Dark Angel looks into his beer next, and also sees a fly, he decides the Emperor is punishing him for his Chapter's past transgression, and proceeds to leave the bar crying, pulling his robe around him tighter. Next the Space Wolf looks down and HE sees a fly, and yells at the little Tyranid wannabe "Spit it out laddie! Spit it out!"

Ktan
08-12-2009, 08:06 PM
A Librarian, a Captain and a Chaplain all walk into a bar.

Much hilarity ensues



(Or to fit with the above pattern, FC, Libby and Chappy are replaced with 'A Space Marine'

gwensdad
08-12-2009, 08:24 PM
A Space Marine of the Emperor's Children traitor sort walks into a bar named "Rule 34"

<rest of joke deleted by order of the inquisition and all that is good in the universe>

gwensdad
08-12-2009, 08:26 PM
A Space Marine walks into a bar...

A genestealer walks over to him and accuses him of molesting it's cousin to which the marine replies:

"Lictor! I never even met her!"

Maturin
08-12-2009, 09:46 PM
What was your first clue?


Anyway, a Space Marine walks into a bar, and sees an Ork already sitting on a stool. He walks up to the Ork and says "Get out! I don't drink with Xenos scum!"

The Ork replies "Why not? I'm a Fungi!"


Old as dirt, but adapted for 40K.

Part II of this joke:

So after the Ork replies, the Space Marine picks him up by the scruff and throws him through the window of the bar. The guy on the next barstool asks him "Hey, why'd the Fungi leave the bar?"

Our Space Marine replies: "Because there wasn't mush room".

entendre_entendre
08-12-2009, 09:59 PM
A space marine walks into a bar, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
(sacrifice audience to Khorne)
this is a great one for the in-laws :p

JuiceSpringsteen!
08-13-2009, 02:09 AM
Anyone heard the one about the black and white space marine on the black and white bike????


Anyway: A blood angel, dark angel, and a space wolf walk into a bar and each orders a drink. The Blood Angel looks down at his beer and sees a fly in it, at which point he flips a bat****, shoots the bar in half, and totally ruins his chance with the sisters at Table 6. The Dark Angel looks into his beer next, and also sees a fly, he decides the Emperor is punishing him for his Chapter's past transgression, and proceeds to leave the bar crying, pulling his robe around him tighter. Next the Space Wolf looks down and HE sees a fly, and yells at the little Tyranid wannabe "Spit it out laddie! Spit it out!"

Was that from Frankie G's really old site? The dude with the Halo IG? If I remeber right he had a bunch of funny 40k stuff on there,

Drunkencorgimaster
08-13-2009, 05:31 AM
Space Marine wearing an old-style beaky helmut walks slowly into a bar in a depressed manner. Barkeep says "Hey Buddy, why the long face?"

Norseman
08-13-2009, 08:01 AM
Space marine walks into a bar...

Shortly after an Imperial guardsman comes up to the space marine and says I will bet you a 100 credits that I can stand on this bar and piss into this empty cup and not spill a drop on the bar.

The Space Marine agrees and laughs says..."This should be good."

The guardsman gets up on the bar and proceeds to piss all over the bar and space marine, in his face on his armor....everywhere. The Space marine laughs and says "You lose... you hardly got any in the cup give me the 100 credits." The guardsman gives the Space marine the money and walks away smiling.

The bar tender comes over and asks the guardsman... "Why are you smiling you just lost 100 credits."

The guardsman replies... "Yeah but just before that I bet my squad 1000 credits I could piss all over that Space Marine and he wouldn't kill me."

The Mystic
08-13-2009, 02:55 PM
A Space marine walks into a bar and procedes straight to the ladies room. 5 minutes later he walks back out carrying the tampon bin and leaves the bar.

A guardsman sitting at the bar asks the barkeep "Who was that guy?" to which the barkeep replies "Who him? He's one of the World Eaters.". The guardsman then asks "What was he doing with that bin then?" to which the barkeep sighs and then replies " Khorne cares not from where the blood flows....."

Sorry.....:p

johnny_trash
08-13-2009, 04:57 PM
Was that from Frankie G's really old site? The dude with the Halo IG? If I remeber right he had a bunch of funny 40k stuff on there,

yup, thats where I got it :D I used to have a text backup of every joke on that site...then my hard drive had issues :(

Drunkencorgimaster
08-13-2009, 08:56 PM
A Space marine walks into a bar and procedes straight to the ladies room. 5 minutes later he walks back out carrying the tampon bin and leaves the bar.

A guardsman sitting at the bar asks the barkeep "Who was that guy?" to which the barkeep replies "Who him? He's one of the World Eaters.". The guardsman then asks "What was he doing with that bin then?" to which the barkeep sighs and then replies " Khorne cares not from where the blood flows....."

Sorry.....:p

DAMN!!! That was tasteless! -Clever though!