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Mr Mystery

12-03-2015, 02:41 PM

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-03-2015, 02:47 PM

I have generalised anxiety and bouts of agoraphobia and depression so I can relate a bit. I can only manage a voluntary job at a place for disabled/mentally ill folk and also still live with a parent and where I live is quite isolated so i don't have many mates outside my vol-job that I see too much sadly. i'll just be busy fighting those daily mail readers that read this if you wonder where I am. My pet tarantula helps my health a lot, I do not know what I'd do without that 8-legged fuzzball. Making music and wargame miniatures also help a great deal (thank **** for those hobbies!)

Haighus

12-03-2015, 03:03 PM

I don't have any mental health issues myself, although I have accessed similar services before through Uni (relationship counselling and assertiveness training).

Good on you for starting the thread and seeking help :) It really is the most pointless taboo, I really don't see why illnesses of the mind should be any more scary or threatening than illnesses of the body. For me there isn't a distinction- illness is just illness, it doesn't matter in what form it comes.

Arkhan Land

12-03-2015, 06:31 PM

Growing up I was a real wacky kid, had a lot more anxiety. Then round 19 I had a tumor explode my left nut, and had a bunch of surgeries and got all SUPER SUPER SUPER anxious from that, which btw is not a super uncommon thing to happen for people who end up for long hospital stays, but I already had a lot of issues with anxiety beforehand.

Took acid every day for about a month leading to a 10 trip hit that finally sort of traumatized me back straight, or rather the shrooms i took the next month were what really brought me back. Dropped out of school, quit my dayjob to do music engineering full time/spend every waking minute of my time playing music with people I know/friends, which turned out to be THE HANDS DOWN GREATEST decision of my life. Also I started smoking weed

TBH Im not sure if it was the trauma of an LSD trip that (that I nearly stabbed myself in the head with a screwdriver during) or the process of literally ditching everything in life I didnt care about that was already upsetting me, or both, but after that my Anxietys been managable sans zonky medication/un-soft self medication (mostly painkillers, the hospital gave me half a 375 of perkoset and a big ole grip of promethazines, I was basically on "That Lean" for about 5 months). It was like a weight lifted off my chest for the first time in my life

so looking back on what I just wrote perhaps aside from all the crazy stuff, yeah quitting ones dayjob for what one wants to do is the best advice.

Having money enough to "buy anything/do anything" one needs doesnt really help you if thats not something that can actually solve your problem! doing what you want with your life is the solution!

Path Walker

12-03-2015, 06:45 PM

I'm chronically depressed and have a social anxiety disorder, first raised its head with a suicide attempt at 18 and have struggled on since, often self harmed and had suicidal thoughts but haven't made a serious attempt again.

I've been medicated for over 6 years now, sometimes pretty damn heavily. Without that, and various forms of counselling, I would no doubt have attempted suicide again and in all likelihood have succeeded.

I'm in a better place currently, I have rediscovered this hobby and found a great group of people who I now consider amongst my closest friends and a wider gaming circle of cool and laid back people. I am over 2 years sober and have cut off ties with many toxic people in my life. I still struggle with the anxiety and being comfortable in myself, but it's something I'm working, on to be the person I'm happy being and not the person other people think is funny and want me to be. I can still be a dickhead to people online, which isn't something I'm happy about and is a layover from my worst times where I'd be like that in real life but I really do try and stop myself, most of the time.

Erik Setzer

12-04-2015, 10:38 AM

Hmm. I don't want to self-diagnose, so I have no names for anything that might be affecting me. And I really dislike hospitals and doctor's offices and the idea of taking medication that might affect how I think, so I haven't been to a doctor. Not sure if/when I will. But hey, might as well add my experiences here. Might help people understand me better.

And for my sake, too, I'm going to do my best to be open about things. I don't trust people by default, so right now I'm freaking out about "OMG what are they going to do with what I say? What will they think? How will they react?" Stuff like that.

So let's see...

I was born to a couple who were in their 30s at the time, and on their second stint together (which would last this time). From what I understand, my mom had an operation to have no more kids, and yet, I still came out. Not sure if that got things started on the wrong foot. My dad didn't work the whole time I was growing up, he was on disability and SS. My mom worked mostly cashier positions... she'd try to take classes to do better, but didn't seem to believe in herself. So we didn't have much money. I slept on a floor a lot, and at one point, sleeping on a coffee table as a "bed" seemed like a step up.

I was a "gifted" kid. Found a paper later warning parents about the issues that could present. Clearly they didn't read it. Like you shouldn't let a gifted kid watch the news all the time, because they'll understand it and piece together what's going on. But my dad kept it on CNN and FNC (and sometimes BBC or other news networks) darned near 24/7, so there I was, soaking it all in. The news is never good. As a kid, you just see a world full of people hating, and killing, and hurting, and endless wars, and you know, inside, you can't do anything to stop it.

But hey, family presents you with a nurturing warm light to shine away that darkness, right? Oh hell no. My parents argued constantly and would just wreck stuff in the house, and would turn to destroying our stuff (the kids) to try to get us to turn on the other parent. I have a teddy bear I got when I was four, I keep it to this day as a reminder of a lot of things, between the sewn-up cuts from parents to the soot from the two house fires it somehow managed to survive. Even on Christmas, that kind of stuff kept going on. Got to where even my siblings hated each other. Fights were too regular. And my dad didn't shy from getting physical in keeping people in line. I'd get hit by a cane for doing nothing. My dad would get me to do all the same hobbies as him, both because it meant someone could help him with assembling things (and, later, painting models... most of his models I'd painted), but also because he tended to piss off everyone else. One day I was playing a computer game with him (Warlords II, I think, actually a fun game). The way he played those games was that, if he started to lose, he'd reset the game. So it didn't matter what I did, I wouldn't be allowed to win. I wasn't showing enough enthusiasm about sitting there playing out the motions, and he got mad and slapped me so hard it knocked me right out of the chair I was sitting in.

Any award I got, he was quick to say how he "taught me everything" (even claiming credit for teaching me how to code on the web, despite knowing nothing about how to do it, and I did his websites for him). And the one time I beat him to win a tournament, he threw a fit and I just agreed to mark it as a draw; I still won first overall because more people voted for me as best opponent, and I voted for a really nice guy as best opponent, and my dad was pissed I didn't vote for him. Later on, when I'd had enough and left to get my own place (I'll get to that), he kept the hammer I'd won as a trophy, hiding it under his bed... which unfortunately was practically ground zero for the worst house fire, destroying the hammer. (A friend later got me a replacement almost exactly the same. Said friend is, by miles, my best friend.) At 10 years old, I got a couple trophies from a slot car series I competed in. I was in the juniors (dominated so much they had to make a mid-level class to get me out), my dad was in the seniors, but he didn't place in his series. Years later, he pulled the plate off of one of my trophies and glued it to his slot car box so he could claim he'd won a series he didn't place in, leaving me with a defaced trophy. (Bonus points: The box he glued it to was an expensive hand-made box I got him for Christmas. Seriously an amazing box. Have to get it from my family some day.)

Wasn't allowed to do anything after school. I had to go home and be there to do things for people. Had to stay up late to help out, so I was tired in school, which of course affected my grades, as did slipping into some seriously depressed feelings, which were easier to deal with by just being angry a lot. My dad would instead blame things like my liking Star Wars (he destroyed all my Star Wars stuff twice), or my drawing (destroyed all my drawings multiple times, to where I just stopped trying to draw any more). He was a big fan of punishment through destroying things. Got pissed at my brother once and decided to hammer the crap out of his Eldar. Sadly, I had a GorkaMorka special Nob (the one made to look like the cover) on the desk near them, and I was proud of it because I was still learning to paint and thought I got the leather to look awesome, but next thing I know, one entire side of the model is smashed flat. I hadn't even done anything. "Blame your brother!" I was told.

Going through school, I was "awkward," so of course people avoided me, and everything I experienced told me that people just hated me, so I kept to myself most of the time.

I'll fast forward a bit ahead...

Struck out on my own. Got a decent job, got my own place, was hated for not giving all my money to the family to waste. A friend introduced me to a political group. Sounded like they were for some good stuff, so I was eager to join. Put a lot of work into it. But alas, it's politics. I tried to keep things honest and keep people going toward the goal. We preached accountability in politicians, we should have it ourselves, right? Nope! Got burned repeatedly for doing what we said all the time was the right thing. The final nail with that group was when I had a question about some financial stuff not being recorded on the public record, and rather than say anything in front of the organization members, I asked about it privately, which was then claimed to be me saying they were doing shady dealings, and they used that to hold a meeting where I wasn't allowed (despite being a national board member, not just a local board member), and voted to ignore the organization's own rules and kick me out, even though they couldn't... but I just walked about, because forget that noise. Lo and behold, the group fell apart, someone's trying to pick up the pieces, and keeps wanting me to help now.

In that time frame, I also had that first job come to an end, because after being promised the manager job, it was given to someone with much less experience and knowledge who was a true yes-man, and I wasn't quiet about that BS or the fact we were doing stupid stuff that was bad for people's websites. Then I got a brief job where I was asked to do a combination of a coupon site, online classifieds, community calendar, and a bunch of other stuff, with varying payment levels for subscriptions, all from scratch... and still nearly pulled it off in just two month's time, despite even having to do the designer's job because he didn't "feel" the project. But since the manager screwed up client expectations and kept overpromising, one of the people there was upset (though everyone I talked to was very happy with me), and he blamed me and booted me.

I have never had a relationship, and doubt I ever will. I think I had a "girlfriend" way back in 4th grade, but does that really count? No woman wants someone who doesn't have looks, money, or power. And it's worse when I see situations where someone knew I was the only person around who cared about them, the only person they could trust, but "it wouldn't work out" (but it totally works out with someone with a lot more money and looks who they can't be as honest with).

I'm not even good with trying to get friends. I have plenty of friendly acquaintances, but it's hard to know who I can call "friend." There is one person I know I can... she is by far my best friend. There's someone I hang out with a lot and talk to pretty much every day, but, no offense to him, she'll always be my best friend, the one consistent light and one of the few things keeping me sort-of sane.

I try to be nice to people, and help people, but that so often ends with bad experiences. Family members or a "friend" who come crying for help with some serious financial issue, and I help, and then they never pay back any of it, or return favors. It's an ongoing experience, I do for others and get nothing in return. I have no idea why I even try to help. Logically, it's stupid. I shouldn't. But I feel bad if I don't. Heck, I feel bad if I even think to myself that I don't want to sit on the computer and talk to someone while playing games (especially as it's probably hurting my health)... but then I realize they probably need someone to talk to and keep them from feeling bad, so I just tough it out anyway.

I don't mention all of this as "feel bad for me." It's to try to give backstory to how I feel and think.

I see around me a really awful world. Hate, anger, violence, sadness, and people just want to keep it going, but in a way that benefits them, rather than solve it. People are so vile and awful. They do disgusting things and I hate them for it. I can't do anything to stop all that, and I feel sad about that. But I also hate myself for being so powerless.

I am alone, and not just in not having a relationship. I don't trust people enough to relate to them how I feel. Even if they aren't judgmental, I feel like I'm selfishly putting my burdens on them. So the extremely rare person who might actually care, I don't want to burden them with my troubles. I don't see that changing.

I think "depression" is the best term for what I feel on a constant basis. Sometimes I don't catch myself in time and I let anger wash to the surface because it's an easier emotion to deal with, but that leaves me hating myself more and feeling worse. Crowds bother me because people are just... bleh. I go to lunch in the cafeteria and have to get through line quickly and find a hidden corner, because with each passing day the presence of people around me makes me feel more and more nervous, and it makes me feel like I'm going to literally have a heart attack.

The thought of just taking away all that misery with one action does come to mind... but right now it's held back because I think: "The kittens would never do well with someone else, especially Myr. He's a mess but he doesn't deserve that." "There's no backup plan for me at work. All the things I do wouldn't be done until they get a replacement, and that's just screwing all those people over." It's not a belief in a better future that keeps me going, but knowing that I would be letting people down.

Yeah, I know I'm loud. I have to show pride in the things I do right because I know I'm such a screw up in so many other ways. I don't like dishonesty so I always try to be honest in how I feel about anything, but that might not be a positive opinion and I forget that the "accepted" social norm is to not express negative opinions.

I try to be a good person, but I know I'm not. I can't be. If so many people hate you and hardly anyone likes you and no one, not even your family, loves you, then how good can you be? And there, I find myself thinking again... would the negatives caused by removing such wrongness from the world be worse than the positives it'd bring? Surely the net positive would be worth it?

Alaric

12-04-2015, 10:59 AM

For as much as you hate doctors and whatnot (I do too) I think you should talk to a shrink. Stigmas aside they really do help. I have a buddy who was on the verge of losing everything but after talking to someone its like hes a brand new dude, ive known him since I was 15 so I could tell.
Sometimes talking to someone who really doesnt know a damn thing aboot you can help. His words, not mine.

Yer all brave for sharing. Good on ya Mystery.

As for myself. Ive been screwy from day one. Always knew it but its damn near impossible to fix. I just surrounded myself with good people and I have my outlets, games, buddies n drugs.
We only get one life and for meself, ill do the best I can to enjoy it and not focus on the bad.

Path Walker

12-04-2015, 03:49 PM

http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2015/12/games-workshop-has-me-worried.html

On topic frontpage article making light of depression, fun times.

Mr Mystery

12-04-2015, 04:51 PM

Blech.

Irritating thing is, depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

I've suffered from it, and I dare say my anxiety is firmly linked to it.

Some might consider me weak. But hey, let's take stock of what I've been through....

Starting in 2000?

House fire.
Really bad break up
Homeless for a year
Rape
Various failed relationships, all my own doing
Inability to feel much
Oppressive Boss who nearly set me back to my depression
Oh, and genuinely confused with a murderer by the national press.

And that's just first hand stuff I've dealt with. All in, I'm amazed I'm doing as well as I am (superb career, well respected in said career, got a really nice flat, earning solid money etc) and have managed to remain largely sane.

So what if from time to time I find myself in a fug? I manage to have a word with myself in the end and emerge ok.

Please note, this is just my experience. It is by no means intended as the start of a misery contest. Remember, the worst thing that ever happened in a given person's life is just that - the worst thing to happen [i]to them[/]. Misery Measuring achieves nothing beyond making all parties feel bad. Just wanted to clarify in case any was thinking it was some kind of dig etc.

Onwards and upwards my friends.

Onwards and upwards.

40kGamer

12-04-2015, 10:34 PM

Until the last couple of years I didn't fully understand how much havoc an out of control mind can cause the body. A few deaths and other family issues sent me into a spiral of depression that eventually lead to panic attacks, anxiety and a 5 month marathon of major insomnia! The insomnia was truly God awful... after a few days of sleeping 1-2 hours a night a person becomes a walking zombie. Sometimes I would suddenly become aware of what I was doing or where I was but couldn't remember how long I was there or how I got there. I started having breathing problems, digestive issues and a host of other crap. Luckily a physician friend helped break the insomnia with medication and then I was able to make some other changes to relieve the anxiety.

Now it's easy to understand how this stuff can lead people to suicide... at the low points you feel like it will never get better. Good news to anyone suffering though cause it can get better. Way, way better.

Good luck on your side of the pond Mystery! Hope you get the same results I have.

Haighus

12-05-2015, 07:53 AM

I try to be nice to people, and help people, but that so often ends with bad experiences. Family members or a "friend" who come crying for help with some serious financial issue, and I help, and then they never pay back any of it, or return favors. It's an ongoing experience, I do for others and get nothing in return. I have no idea why I even try to help. Logically, it's stupid. I shouldn't. But I feel bad if I don't. Heck, I feel bad if I even think to myself that I don't want to sit on the computer and talk to someone while playing games (especially as it's probably hurting my health)... but then I realize they probably need someone to talk to and keep them from feeling bad, so I just tough it out anyway.

I try to be a good person, but I know I'm not. I can't be. If so many people hate you and hardly anyone likes you and no one, not even your family, loves you, then how good can you be? And there, I find myself thinking again... would the negatives caused by removing such wrongness from the world be worse than the positives it'd bring? Surely the net positive would be worth it?
Erik, I know I've disagreed with things you have said here on BOLS before, but on the whole I definitely respect your posts, and I can't read this without seeing the contradiction you yourself have just posted. See the quotes above (there is more in the first part you wrote too). Your worth isn't only measured by how others treat you.

I appreciate that you did start by saying how you dislike medication and and medical environments, but some of the things you are working through alone (or near alone, this friend sounds like a true friend) are things that talking therapies can help a lot with. It would probably require spending a good deal of time in setting you are not comfortable with though, so I can understand you not wanting to engage with that, but don't rule it out. I'm not sure what the provision is like in the US either though.

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-05-2015, 06:05 PM

I have had very negative experiences with medication so I can understand why someone would be hesitant to give that stuff a go. Best thing I find is just focussing on my music and projects but that might not be for everyone.

Darren Richardson

12-06-2015, 02:16 PM

I'm glad somebody's started a thread like this, good on you Mystery.

As for myself, I do understand where most of you are coming from, at a young age I've had to look after my mother who had a serious weight disorder and Epiolepsy (sp?), my father was too self centred to give a damn about anyone else except himself and he was unemployed pretty much permently so as a family we had very little money, needless to say Child Poverty is a terrorible thing to live through and I truely dispair that it's still occours even here in London, one of the richest cities in Europe.

So growing up at school, I was bullied daily because of my circumstance (and kids really can be crueller then adults) and was pretty much a full time carer for my mother.

Needless to say, I had problems at school as a result of all that I ended up having to go to a special educational needs school, which is where I first came to learn about the Warhammer world through Hero Quest, sadly after 4 years their that school got closed down and I ended up at another similar one, which when I was 16 also closed down.

I had little in the way of quailfiactions, and ended up working in retailling where I've been stuck for almost 18 years now on and off, during which I was finally dignosed with "Recursive depression" (docs words not mine).

Sadly this summer it's flaired up quite badly and I've struggle to do anything but go to work and come home again and just read whatever I can, just to stop thinking anything, my figure painting has just dropped right off and it's annoying me, but I just can't get into it at present, I'm hoping when Christmas is over, I should be in a better frame of mind.

Thankfully I've managed to stay away from being Suicidal all this time, mostly because I'm afraid of making things worse for me physically if I tried to end my life and F***ed the attempt up.

And to be honest, I'm grateful that I do have that niggling thought keeping me from going over that line.

Erik Setzer

12-06-2015, 10:02 PM

I'm afraid of making things worse for me physically if I tried to end my life and F***ed the attempt up.

It is seriously hard to do it in a way that is 100% successful, and the results of an unsuccessful attempt are rather awful. Even the old standby of "bullet to the brain" carries a high risk that, rather than killing yourself, you'll actually just screw up your motor skills or even just reduce yourself to a vegetative state, and in the process, actually make your life a lot worse. So yeah, the risks are way too high. (Not that there's a real "risk vs reward" thing here, as objectively the reward is no reward at all.)

The Girl

12-07-2015, 02:03 AM

If you hit a deep depression that makes it difficult to do basic human stuff, take a look at this self care checklist - http://bit.ly/1FmQ2Rn - esp if you don't have someone that can remind you.

Psychosplodge

12-07-2015, 03:16 AM

I was initially treated for depression while still at primary school. And have suffered bouts on and off ever since.
At my worst (about 22) I gave up eating more or less completely (theres a scary photo on fb of me at about 8 stone, I'm 6'3") because I just couldn't be arsed any more, and I started suffering anxiety and panic attacks.
While I only suffered panic attacks for about six months when I was at my lowest, I've never fully recovered from the anxiety and still struggle to make a phonecall to someone I don't know and will put it off to the last possible moment( bear in mind I'm expected to provide occasional over the phone tech support, fun eh?).
Getting the right medication is important. It took four attempts before I found something that could make me function. And that's all it does it makes you function, not better. And the side effects of the ones that didn't work were downright terrifying at times.
It also shows you just who your friends really are and can surprise you with the answers.
I don't expect to ever recover from depression, but I am largely functional.

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-08-2015, 02:21 PM

Haighus

12-08-2015, 02:43 PM

more disability benefit cuts :
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/the-government-is-cutting-a-disability-benefit-that-already-leaves-a-third-of-recipients-unable-to-a6764641.html

A choice quote from the article

The Government says cutting the disability benefits payments by nearly a third will help incentivise sick and disabled people to find jobs.

I feel like jumping off a cliff more and more these days and if I didn't have a parent to look after me I probably would be a goner by now. So nice to live in a country run by overpriviliged, rich sociopaths that seemingly enjoy targetting those of that are the weakest and most vulnerable along with their apathetic voters. What do you mean I sound angry?

What the ****? What the actual ****?!! That makes no bloody sense at all! Because disability and mental health aren't sidelined enough as it is... I hope this doesn't affect my brother's situation too much.

People in the benefit group facing the cut are new claimants who the Department for Work and Pensions has deemed to have a limited capacity to work at some point in the future.
****, it most likely will affect him then.

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-08-2015, 03:42 PM

I sincerely hope your brother will be okay :( Iain Duncan Smith should be fired and put on trial for crimes against humanity.

Haighus

12-08-2015, 03:48 PM

I sincerely hope your brother will be okay :( Iain Duncan Smith should be fired and put on trial for crimes against humanity.
Thank you. He has a pretty crippling bi-polar/Asperger's syndrome combo, but anyone who would just talk to him on the street would probably think he is pretty functional and capable.

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-09-2015, 10:46 AM

yes, they are what I call "invisible" illnesses. I guess I am the same with that as i might seem "ok" to most people, even though on the inside I am struggling to stop myself from having an anxiety attack 99% of the time.

CoffeeGrunt

12-09-2015, 11:40 AM

One day I might go see a psychiatrist, or even a therapist to talk stuff through, if the NHS is even still around when I get round to it. I've been...coasting, for the last year now. That's probably the best word to describe it, just going through each day using the inertia of the last, but with no real drive to change my course or improve my situation. It's not really a hopelessness or sadness, just a sort of empty feeling.

I know I want to work on the college course I'm doing alongside my job, because it'll give me some cool opportunities, but I just don't have the drive. I wake up in the morning, get myself to work, and go through the day doing as little as possible, because nothing feels like it's worth doing. Nothing I do really feels worthwhile, like it'll matter or that anyone will care. I hang out with friends and feel great, then go home and start to disassemble the notion that they even like me. I sit at home certain they just deal with me because of habit and that they're probably embarrassed to have me around, which leads to me going out and talking to them less because I start to think that they don't like me. In person, with people, I can laugh and joke, take 'banter' and give it out, but in private I find myself picking over every, little thing and overthinking it. Did they really mean what they said, and just hid it with humour? Am I the sad loser they pity, and so they just let me tag along?

It really, really makes it hard to get help when you feel that no-one would care if you did lay your problems before them. I really don't know what this all is, but it f*cking sucks, and the whole mindset is draining my life away as I feel less and less motivated to even get up in the morning, but I have to because it'll all be so much worse if I don't work and go paycheck-to-paycheck buying crap I don't need for the temporary joy of simply owning something.

Erik Setzer

12-09-2015, 01:21 PM

I'm not even remotely a doctor, so I'll qualify my comments with that, and that I'm only going from personal experience...

Sounds like your brain is caught "over-analyzing" stuff, CG. It's got free time and it wants to think about stuff because it can't be turned off, so it goes to sorting through what was said during the day, and trying to guess at hidden meanings, stuff like that. My brain does a lot of that kind of stuff, and throws in predicting future scenarios and their worst-case situations just for good measure.

I'm not sure it'd work for you, but I'd suggest trying to find multiple hobbies that can "absorb" all your thinking. Watching TV and movies doesn't work so well, you're not having to think. Books, games, art (including assembling and painting models), stuff like that, those are good things to have around when you're alone. And a good selection of websites with stuff to read.

For example, every day at lunch I go down to the cafeteria to get some food, and with all those people around, I might start wondering what they're thinking about me, or what something said earlier in the day meant... so instead of letting my mind wander through those thoughts, I pull up Cracked.com and check out an article or two. Gets my mind thinking about what I'm reading and not the people around me. In the morning I'll skim some sports sites, gaming sites, listen to the local news. On the way to work I listen to sports talk (only talk radio I can deal with... maybe podcasts would be good?) and have a book or maybe comics to read.

It's not really getting rid of those thoughts, but it can make them a lot more manageable, and without them invading your head all the time, they might not prove such a drain on you. You might even find yourself thinking about all the stuff you're reading, writing, playing, etc., with your brain spending more time on that than picking apart the words of others.

It might not help, granted. Everyone is different. But hey, it's free advice. Worst that could happen is I just wasted a few minutes of your time reading this.

Haighus

12-09-2015, 04:26 PM

I'm not sure if you looking for/want any advice, so don't read any further if your not.

How you have described how your feeling and how your thinking are depressive symptoms, and seeing your GP about them is likely to be helpful. If you don't want to go down that route now or ever, you can still access the same kind of therapy without waiting for a course of CBT.

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome This one is a pretty good free example of cCBT (they have changed the web design since I last visited). The process behind it is sound, but it can be damn hard to motivate yourself to keep up a cCBT course, but if you want to give it a go, it could help. There are other cCBT courses available, but this is the best free one, and the subscription ones are not statistically any more effective anyway (http://www.bmj.com/content/351/bmj.h5627).

What Erik has suggested is also helpful, but is more management of the symptoms, CBT is something that can stop them altogether for at least awhile, so always worth considering.

Just Tony

12-09-2015, 04:45 PM

Haighus

12-09-2015, 04:53 PM

So after my combat experience I have episodes where I have flashbacks that are full on hallucinations, moments of hyper alertness brought on by outside stimuli, and get combative while in deep sleep or under anesthesia. I was told by the VA that because I don't have anger/suicide issues nor have I lost interest in things that brought me joy that this is classified as Anxiety.
That sounds similar to PTSD, which is a subset of anxiety in a way I suppose, but it seems odd for a veterans' organisation to classify it as such.
http://patient.info/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd

Deadlift

12-09-2015, 05:32 PM

Evening all.

My name is Mr Mystery, and I suffer from anxiety.

And I've finally decided I need to do something about it. At present this involves signing up to a GP (I'm in otherwise excellent health), getting an appropriate referral, and then rinsing my work based Bupa membership to go get my head fixed.

I don't really know when it started, but I know the triggers, so I guess that's something for the professionals to work with.

As I'm sure you're all aware, mental health remains a completely pointless taboo in our society, particularly for men, so I thought a Carey-Sharey thread might help us to dispel that in our own little neck of the cyber-woods.

In my case, my anxiety holds me back in relationships. I got royally messed up about 12 years ago, and no relationship has worked out since as I'm constantly haunted and even somewhat paranoid as a result of that particular head-wrecking.

But hey, the pros are out there and as ever I count myself fortunate that I won't need to worry about the cost (usually because NHS, but this time top level private care cover)

So, anyone else?

Yep, all was fine until the beginning of last year. The stress of moving abroad and all the hoops we had to go though to make it happen. Living with my in laws for 8 months. Finding work and loosing it after 8 weeks. Finally getting a very good job in an industry I know nothing about and having to adapt very quickly all took its toll.
I didn't even realize I was suffering mentally. Finally wife said enough was enough and I took a trip to my Dr who luckily is another expat. I've been on Prozac now for 6 weeks. Started on 10mg a day and went up to 20 a couple weeks ago. All I can say is that it seems to be working. I feel like myself again. No longer a shadow just struggling everyday.
Good luck Mystery, many of us it seems are in the same boat at some point in our lives.

We did make the decision to get ourselves a dog. I've always found pets and children very calming and I love having a furry friend around. However we could not decide between two from a litter of Bernese mountain dogs.....so we got both. Both are now 4 months old and combined weigh over 80 lbs. Angus and Mac.

http://i844.photobucket.com/albums/ab3/joenortonjones/7183A1F3-11FA-4A89-996E-54AD827AB63E.jpg (http://s844.photobucket.com/user/joenortonjones/media/7183A1F3-11FA-4A89-996E-54AD827AB63E.jpg.html)

Just Tony

12-09-2015, 09:17 PM

That sounds similar to PTSD, which is a subset of anxiety in a way I suppose, but it seems odd for a veterans' organisation to classify it as such.
http://patient.info/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd

It sounds EXACTLY like that, but suicidal thoughts/anger/lethargy are all signs of PTSD, and I don't have them, so I got diagnosed with anxiety.

Haighus

12-10-2015, 11:34 AM

It sounds EXACTLY like that, but suicidal thoughts/anger/lethargy are all signs of PTSD, and I don't have them, so I got diagnosed with anxiety.

I feel like you should probably get a second opinion there. The care pathways here in the UK have depression as a common condition to have alongside PTSD, not a diagnostic criteria, and the anger and lethargy as secondary symptoms not the primary symptoms. Hyper alertness and severe flash backs are primary symptoms though.

Cudgel

12-10-2015, 12:40 PM

It sounds like they want to keep the reported numbers of PTSD down, common for militaries.

I also have PTSD as well, I have it from my childhood though. I suffered some really crappy abuse, the kind no one wants to hear about, from about 4 or 5 until I was 15. I can't enjoy anything any more and just keeps getting worse.

I had to go on medically leave a few months ago because I just lost it at work, I thought people were all laughing at me and saying things under their breath. I threw **** around and then ran outside and headbutted a wall so hard I couldn't see for a few seconds. Now I think people at work are scared of me and don't want me to go back, I am scared of myself.

I hate sex, I can't have a real conversation. I feel like my whole life has been stolen. Can't stop crying

thank you i know its a bit much but thank you

Mr Mystery

12-10-2015, 02:03 PM

Cudgel

12-10-2015, 02:42 PM

From what I'm reading of the experiences of others, it seems I'm getting off lightly.

Still need to pull my finger out and register with a GP, but I'm hoping I can be treated without pills. I'm kind of wary of such things, and would prefer the counselling route to help me find out the root cause.

Don't downplay your pain, it hurts no less just differently.

I would suggest going the counciling route first, lots of doctors will push pills, but you can tell them no I just want counciling and they should help you with that.

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-10-2015, 03:03 PM

You are right to be wary of medication. I've been on medication for over 10 years and nothing has really ever worked for me and I have only ever had negative side effects, allthough I am just one person and others may have more positive experience with medication. Currently coming off venlafexine and my body temperature is all over the place - ill be hot and sweating for a while, then I feel frozen and cold and all the while constantly itching to the point I've ended up cutting myself from scratching all over my body.

I think the councilling route is also a good try, also perhaps CBT (for anxiety) - CBT has helped me to an extent, allthough the local services for it have had so many cutbacks thanks to our Sociopath Tory Overlords it was a total mess for me last time I tried to get help from them.

Mr Mystery

12-10-2015, 03:47 PM

Big boon for me is private healthcare through work. I'm told we get the top level cover, so I might as well make use.

Mine really kicks in with social situations. I used to think it was just me being introverted, but once I'm comfortable around folk I'm quite the extrovert.

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-11-2015, 02:51 AM

Do you have a pet? I find animals help a lot. I've found my tarantula eases my anxiety and calms me down a bit, allthough I guess that probably wouldn't work for most people lol but others do say their cat/dog/xenomorph helps them in similar ways. Pets tend to "notice" when you are feeling bad to, or at least my 8-legged queen seems to know as she'll nuzzle into the palm of my hand and it's the only time she ever lets me stroke her properly.

Mr Mystery

12-11-2015, 06:14 AM

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-11-2015, 11:32 AM

Nah.

I've got the space for a Doggy now, but my professional lifestyle doesn't allow. I'm out the house at 6am, and not usually back before 7pm, thanks to commuting.

Wouldn't be at all fair. Spesh as I'd have a Labrador, or a Rottie.

I guess thats one plus of a tarantula, they are very low maintence and she tends to keep to her tunnel in her tank and only needs to be fed a few times a month. Have you considered something like goldfish?

Thats a long work day, it's good you can work a well paid job like that so you have some good support from that at least it sounds :)

YorkNecromancer

12-11-2015, 12:43 PM

So this is to Erik Setzer.

I've had you on block for a year now. I've not seen a single message you wrote, because literally every word you write ruins my day. The stuff you say is so awful, so vile, so utterly antithetical to every principle, value and ideal I hold to be true, that I can't abide a single thing you've said. My own tendencies towards depression means I just get really unhappy and stay that way for a long time. I would say that it's no exaggeration to state that I hate you as fully and completely as I've hated anyone.

By chance, my block was down and I caught sight of your posts here.

You shouldn't hurt yourself, and you shouldn't be miserable. You should seek help. Depression is a terrible thing; it warps the world, makes us unable to see the value in things, including ourselves. As someone who would be happy to see you leave this forum forever, believe me when I say: you should not kill yourself. That would be a terrible, terrible thing.

It took me a long time to admit I needed counselling, but when I went, I wondered why I'd never been before. Everyone who hasn't been bases it on hearsay and the pop-cultural osmosis of TV, where characters refuse to seek help for a variety of crappy reasons, which all ultimately boil down to the fact the writers have never been for help themselves and so don't know what they're on about.

Counselling will help, if you go into it with an open mind.

The best thing to do is to book appointments with 3 to 4 counsellors or therapists, and, essentially, 'interview' them. Go for a single session, and see which of them you 'click' with. That's something people get wrong too: don't just go for the first - counselling is a personal link, and so they have to be the right person for you.

If you give it an honest, decent go, it could really help, especially with things like your horrifyingly nihilistic - and innaccurate - view that the world is a horrible place full only of horrible people.

Erik, I say this as someone who hates you: I hope you get well and find happiness. Suicide is not, and will never be an answer, because it negates the possibility that your life could ever have been used to create happiness, to help others, to improve things. I don't want to see you in pain, because I wouldn't wish depression on anyone, even someone I don't like personally. I hope you can move forwards in a positive way, and that, in your future, you can improve things for yourself in real, meaningful ways. Happiness may not be possible, but contentment - a sense that things are going to be okay - is. I hope you can find that peace.

I really do.

Alaric

12-11-2015, 01:40 PM

Mr Mystery

12-11-2015, 01:53 PM

And that's enough on that subject.

Alaric, I invite you to retract your post in its entirety as it only threatens to derail a thread, and one which may prove valuable to other posters.

Yorknecromancer, I invite you to redact your post, particularly the first paragraph, and the last paragraph.

Wolfshade

12-11-2015, 06:39 PM

Living with someone with mental health issues is hard, probably not as hard as actually living with them yourself, but it is still hard.

You stand there thinking why are you self-destructing on this, why is this an issue, pull yourself together it isn't that bad/ big a deal.

And that is to undermine to what it is to live with this.

The most important thing is this

"Your perception is your reality".

It matters not one iota if how one perceives the situation or lives the situation if it isn't the actuality of what is happening, telling someone that they should not feel down because their frame of reference is wrong. This does not help, yet it is so easy as an outsider to try and justify this.

These issues are further complicated owing to my autism, a problem that leaves questions like "how are you?" being internally answered with "i don't understand the question".

But such it is and such it will ever be. We unfortunately live in a world where physical health is more important than mental health, where someone's inability to do something owing to depression or anxiety is overlooked, yet telling them to do things is no harder than asking a man with broken ankles to run a marathon.

The guise of hiding things makes it even easier to forget the struggle that the sufferer goes through to appear "normal" (from a societal view at least).

Now for the controversialness.

I do not oppose suicide.
Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

I am not going to judge people or put pressure on them saying that they should or should not do something. If that brings one freedom from the feelings and the pain then so be it.

This kinda flies in the face of my theological leanings which talks of the sanctity of life but so be it, one should be pragmatic in all...

I will say that as a third party GPs are woefully inadequate when it comes to dealing with mental health, unless they can write a 'script to "cure" they seem woefully ill prepared.

and it pisses me off no end that there is endless budget for people who create physical illnesses for themselves, but those who are inflicted with mental health issues the buidget is tiny and often leaves those requiring a long term solution running out of resources with two options go private or have no treatement.

The updates from DSM IV to V were on the most part helpful, but society needs to de-stigmatise the whole issue.

YorkNecromancer

12-11-2015, 06:55 PM

Haighus

12-11-2015, 08:57 PM

I will say that as a third party GPs are woefully inadequate when it comes to dealing with mental health, unless they can write a 'script to "cure" they seem woefully ill prepared.

and it pisses me off no end that there is endless budget for people who create physical illnesses for themselves, but those who are inflicted with mental health issues the buidget is tiny and often leaves those requiring a long term solution running out of resources with two options go private or have no treatement.

The updates from DSM IV to V were on the most part helpful, but society needs to de-stigmatise the whole issue.
Isn't this true of pretty much any illness that isn't minor? Primary care is, after-all, just that- the GP's role is essentially to triage patients and refer them onto specialists if it is not something routine and easy to treat.

Technically the budget for mental health from an individual perspective is the same in the UK- if you are getting treatment on the NHS, you get the same resource allocation available up to the same set limit (with the exception of some terminal conditions, where the bar
is raised, something I disagree with). The issue is more with a combination of the stigma surrounding mental health preventing people from accessing services and also preventing population-level measures being implemented, and a lack of available resources to refer to that aren't just medication- this isn't necessarily due to the treatment not being funded, there are not many CBT therapists and so on available to refer too- that is part of the overall recruitment crisis in the NHS to be honest. There is a funding issue on a large scale, in that mental health is funded less proportionally for it's share of the total morbidity burden in the UK; but again I think this is the social stigma of mental health as the cause- if more people accessed services, more resources would be allocated to mental health by CCGs. The recruitment crisis could probably be alleviated by funding too though.

Hmm thinking about it, the social care available for mental health is in a worse situation in terms of resources than health care is, so your point is still valid. The aims of social care mainly seem to be making sure patients are staying alive and just cruising rather than actually functioning. They don't seem to have enough resources to achieve more.

The biggest issue with mental health funding is that it also covers dementia, which is the only type of mental health condition which has seen a rising incidence in the last few decades, and is also one of the most expensive and resource-intensive conditions. By 2026, dementia is projected to be nearly half the mental health cost to the UK, and 3/4 of the service costs to the NHS and social care. http://www.kingsfund.org.uk/sites/files/kf/Paying-the-Price-the-cost-of-mental-health-care-England-2026-McCrone-Dhanasiri-Patel-Knapp-Lawton-Smith-Kings-Fund-May-2008_0.pdf

Sadly, there also isn't an endless budget for anything in the NHS, but the resource allocation is disproportionate between physical and mental health, and also between certain, high-profile areas of medicine and the rest.

Wolfshade

12-12-2015, 03:15 AM

Technically the budget for mental health from an individual perspective is the same in the UK- if you are getting treatment on the NHS, you get the same resource allocation available up to the same set limit
Around 100 under 10s in the UK alone are being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes a year. They will have access to health checks, insulin for their entire life. If you end up in a psychotherapy (excluding CBT - which is a good "cure most") then you are fortunate to have two years of treatment.

I do totally agree that there isn't an endless budget, I just feel that it is unfair that those who have mental health conditions through no fault of their own get a worse deal than those who eat themselves ill.

Haighus

12-12-2015, 01:27 PM

Around 100 under 10s in the UK alone are being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes a year. They will have access to health checks, insulin for their entire life. If you end up in a psychotherapy (excluding CBT - which is a good "cure most") then you are fortunate to have two years of treatment.

I do totally agree that there isn't an endless budget, I just feel that it is unfair that those who have mental health conditions through no fault of their own get a worse deal than those who eat themselves ill.
That is what I meant though, it isn't a problem with individual funding- the treatment cost-effectiveness limit is still the same, it's an issue with overall care provision, as in there aren't enough therapists for everyone who would benefit from seeing one, as opposed to people are barred from seeing them due to it not being cost-effective. There is a funding issue on a gross scale, but I suspect it wouldn't exist if there wasn't a strong stigma around mental health.

It is interesting that you bring up under-10's being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, as this isn't really an example of self-inflicted harm, but more verging on parental neglect (depending on the situation).

Erik Setzer

12-14-2015, 01:38 PM

Yorknecromancer, I invite you to redact your post, particularly the first paragraph, and the last paragraph.

Nah, it's fair. I'm not going to go off about it or anything. There are many reasons people dislike other people, some viable, some not. Perhaps for someone a reason is viable whereas others might not think it is.

I wouldn't say I'm 100% "okay" that someone hates me, but I don't see it as a reason to go off on them, especially in a thread like this. What does that accomplish? I multiply that hate with my own? Who does that help? And then am I not giving them more reason to hate me?

If someone chooses to hate me, I can accept that. If they absolutely loathe me, that means they're less likely to feel negatively toward others, as their hate will be directed at me. I can take it. If it helps others, I'll take on as much hate as people can pour out. Perhaps it's a blessing that I'm used to it.

I'm not upset with YorkNecromancer. I can understand how people would disagree so much with someone else they might come to hate them. It's an honest set of comments, and since I appreciate honesty more than anything else, I'm happier to see that hatred admitted to than hidden.

If I could fix it, I would, but I suspect there's no way to do so. Well, maybe by having a long discussion whereby disagreements on various things are talked about and positions explained so that a better understanding can be reached, but the likelihood of that seems infinitesimally small. I regret the lack of a change to make things better, but, since I cannot, I can at least see the good in the situation.

If, however, I hurt YorkNecromancer by my actions or words, that I cannot accept, and I offer an apology without reservation for whatever I did or said.

Alaric

12-14-2015, 01:42 PM

Nah, it's fair. I'm not going to go off about it or anything. There are many reasons people dislike other people, some viable, some not. Perhaps for someone a reason is viable whereas others might not think it is.

I wouldn't say I'm 100% "okay" that someone hates me, but I don't see it as a reason to go off on them, especially in a thread like this. What does that accomplish? I multiply that hate with my own? Who does that help? And then am I not giving them more reason to hate me?

If someone chooses to hate me, I can accept that. If they absolutely loathe me, that means they're less likely to feel negatively toward others, as their hate will be directed at me. I can take it. If it helps others, I'll take on as much hate as people can pour out. Perhaps it's a blessing that I'm used to it.

I'm not upset with YorkNecromancer. I can understand how people would disagree so much with someone else they might come to hate them. It's an honest set of comments, and since I appreciate honesty more than anything else, I'm happier to see that hatred admitted to than hidden.

If I could fix it, I would, but I suspect there's no way to do so. Well, maybe by having a long discussion whereby disagreements on various things are talked about and positions explained so that a better understanding can be reached, but the likelihood of that seems infinitesimally small. I regret the lack of a change to make things better, but, since I cannot, I can at least see the good in the situation.

If, however, I hurt YorkNecromancer by my actions or words, that I cannot accept, and I offer an apology without reservation for whatever I did or said.

Well said Erik.

Erik Setzer

12-14-2015, 01:47 PM

Earlier today, I wrote a comment concerning a member of the BoLS community that was both cruel and unbecoming.

I could make a weak excuse about how I had too much to drink, but that would be equally unbecoming. Alcohol is no excuse.

Instead, I simply wish to offer a full and unreserved apology to Erik Setzer for my words. They were churlish, hypocritical, and I regret them.

Alcohol is not as much of an excuse as people think because, as the Romans might have said, "In vino, veritas."

I accept your apology, and, having not seen this post before my earlier reply, again offer my own in return, for whatever I did/do or said/say that causes you to feel that way, especially as hatred often comes from being hurt.

Asymmetrical Xeno

12-28-2015, 01:25 PM

Awesome article on schizophrenia :
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-schizophrenia-one-man-s-journey/201512/5-things-you-should-know-about-people

one of my bestest friends has it and is one of the kindest, nicest most empathic people I know and sadly he has had to deal with a lot of nasty reactions and comments about his illness, and yeah the comments are often by the typical Tory supporting, apathetic, rand worshipping sociopath c**ts that seem to be so common in england these days.

Wolfshade

12-28-2015, 05:20 PM

I must say it is a massive bug bear of mine that people conflate schizophrenia with dissociative identity disorder. Sloppy media does it fairly frequently

Morgrim

12-29-2015, 01:31 AM

Or how the media uses it as the default "we need a villain! Let's give them schizophrenia!" in plots.

CoffeeGrunt

01-04-2016, 04:22 AM

Doing research is hard, and if no-one speaks out on behalf of a group, then who'll care if we use them as dirt? :/

Asymmetrical Xeno

01-04-2016, 06:31 AM

I am off medication for almost a month now and seem to be doing ok. I have been on medication for over 10 years and nothing has ever worked and I have only ever had very negative side effects so I will see how I do without it for a while and try and focus on building a social life and fighting my anxiety by trying to get out of the house more often. Hoping I can find a friend that will go with me to gigs and festivals too but finding anyone into industrial/EBM music is pretty difficult as most people don't even know what it is sadly but I think that would do me good too as it forces me into places full of crowds and lots of people.

Wolfshade

01-04-2016, 12:54 PM

Asymmetrical Xeno

01-04-2016, 02:43 PM

Feel free to kidnap me and bring to that place next time then.

Erik Setzer

02-08-2016, 09:58 AM

I think there's something seriously wrong with me.

Last night, got called from my brother to go to the hospital with him, my sister was in bad condition. Doctors explained it all and, short version, the prospects for survival were practically none. They tried, though, and I stood or sat by as Code Blue was called on her and they resuscitated her a number of times before calling it. (Looking at the clock right now, it was almost exactly twelve hours ago.)

My brother was a bit of a mess. He was on phone with other family members who sounded like they weren't doing well. They posted heartfelt comments online mourning her.

I just felt like, to put it in simplest terms, "People come, people go. Sometimes people die. It sucks, but life goes on." Just not really much of anything. Analyzed the situation, accepted it, filed it away.

That isn't remotely normal. I told my best friend the news and she's sent me numerous texts offering a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, all that. But I'm not emotional like I should be. It's not the loss of my sister that's bothering me right now, it's the lack of feeling normal feelings about it that's causing me the most trouble. Family pet dies? Well, it's "just" a pet, can hold it together for that. Grandparents? Died when I was super young, barely remember anything about even one of them. Dad? He'd been saying he was going to die for at least ten years, so you can imagine you'd be prepared when it happens, and I wasn't at the hospital when it happened. In this case, I was there, she's only 11 years older than me, I haven't been out of touch with her or anything. So why am I not affected like I should be? Why am I sitting here, feeling like it's a regular day? Why isn't there a part of me feeling like, "This sucks! The world is unfair!" or anything like that?

How broken does a person have to be when they barely feel anything when a sibling passes right in front of them?

Mr Mystery

02-08-2016, 10:00 AM

Dude, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

Please don't beat yourself up over your reaction. There is no standard reaction, nor stand reaction time.

If you need to talk about it, please seek a suitably qualified professional. Don't suffer or worry on your own.

Psychosplodge

02-08-2016, 10:02 AM

Haighus

02-08-2016, 11:21 AM

That isn't remotely normal.
The thing is, it really is a normal response. Society tells us it isn't, and has for awhile, but actually many people do respond this way to losing someone close to them. It is how I've responded to losing my aunt last Autumn. Not everyone goes into the 'grief cycle' and having a logical, functional response as you are having now is not pathological, or unusual. I suspect that most people responding in that manner hide it though, because society does consider it abnormal, even though it isn't.

How broken does a person have to be when they barely feel anything when a sibling passes right in front of them?
Not broken at all.

grimmas

02-08-2016, 11:29 AM

My condolences Erik.

There is no normal in this situation mate. I know the media and others will try to tell you how to feel but what you feel is what you feel. Being able to accept the situation for what you see it to be is in no way any indication of being broken or anything else.

My best wishes to you and yours.

Alaric

02-08-2016, 12:38 PM

Aint nothing wrong with you. We all grieve differently, who knows, maybe some little thing will come up and a memory will surface and you will feel what you feel you should. Its not like the grief police are gonna lock you up ;)
I agree with Mystery, if u need help talk to professionals, if they didnt work they wouldn't exist.
Heres a vitual manly handshake and hug, best I can do.
If I had to guess I would guess it hasnt sunk in yet, I wish u luck when it does. I bet your parents could use your strength at this time.

Erik Setzer

02-08-2016, 01:00 PM

Was it a long illness? I've seen people react like that when they knew it was coming have watched someone suffer for years, and they let it out at the funeral, rather than at the death, because the death was a release from suffering.

I'm not sure. Didn't really think she had anything that'd be terminal. But considering it was lungs, might have even been a long-term issue from childhood, since she first developed bad issues with her lungs at that time (my dad said that one of the things that got him to stop was she'd cough so bad around him that she'd cough up blood). And given that she'd been in a hospital recently and released without anyone saying any more than "Well, you're pretty sick, but go ahead and take some medicine and rest, you'll be fine," that doesn't exactly raise warning flags either. Ditto for her posting to Facebook in the latter half of last week.

- - - Updated - - -

I bet your parents could use your strength at this time.

Only one of them left, and she's in a nursing home, but at least they got her back to being cognizant of what's going on around her, so she might not take it well.

Mr Mystery

02-08-2016, 03:06 PM

Erik, if it's any help - we're always our own worst critics, especially those of us of above average intelligence.

Whilst my familial losses are thankfully well short of a sibling or parent, please don't think your reaction makes you broken.

I was the same way when my last three Grandparents died. I just accepted it, and busied myself with other things.

We may not always see eye to eye, and have heated exchanges, but I'm here for you if you want a stranger to vent at over PM.

Psychosplodge

02-09-2016, 02:37 AM

Sorry Erik I applied my experience to it and made assumptions.
But me being wrong doesn't mean you your reaction is wrong. I think like the others have said the media prime you to react a certain way, and that's why you're questioning yourself. Everyone deals with grief in their own way.

And I should have said earlier, sorry for your loss.

Morgrim

02-09-2016, 09:25 AM

Apathy and emotional numbness are two very symptoms of depression, so if you've had experience with that it can definitely contribute. Also as other have said everyone grieves differently. For me, I am completely calm at the time, almost numb. I won't start crying or feeling upset until much later on, and it's usually other people crying at the funeral that sets me off. Some people grieve intensely but never cry. (And then think that the emotions they're feeling cannot be grief, because society tells us that grief = tears.) There's no 'right' way.

CoffeeGrunt

02-09-2016, 09:41 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, but as others have said, there's no real set way to grieve. It's different for everyone, the same as happiness or love, and we all deal with it in different ways. Not crying doesn't mean you didn't care, I mean we can see that clearly and we're not there with you.

It kinda reminds me of an Only Fools and Horses episode, I believe the one after Grandad has died. I can't find a clip sadly, but it's a very poignant moment where Rodney is trying process the grief throughout the episode and just can't. He grows increasing resentful of Del, who is laughing and joking as always despite the loss, which Rodney sees as him not caring.

Towards the end of the episode, it becomes clear that they're just processing it differently, and Del felt he had to put a smile on for the situation because he didn't know how to process it himself. It's a nice episode that gets across the differences in grieving pretty well. The human brain is as varied as it is complex, and we more often react unlike the way we expect to react, than we react in the way we're expected to.

Erik Setzer

02-09-2016, 10:10 AM

I took a day off from work and came in this morning to get stuff done (because otherwise, it'll pile up, and that's no good, especially with weekly pushes meaning shorter turnaround time). People who've heard are asking me what I'm doing at work... Um... I have stuff that needs done. Wouldn't be fair to put off that responsibility.

But that day off was just weird. Kind of needed it because I'm also a bit sick (pretty much annual bronchitis attack, coughing up blood and other nastiness). Without any work to do, I just had to try to find some way to fill the time. I played a bunch of different games, had to set goals for myself just to achieve something and feel like I wasn't just wasting time. ("Goals" like plowing through a couple old raids in WoW to boost a character's rep level, or getting a couple more heroes to level 60 in Marvel Heroes.) Dying Light was kind of a no-go... that game gets too stressful at times, and after trying it for a bit I realized I probably shouldn't play something that increases stress levels. Just was a weird day. Didn't feel like watching TV or anything. Kind of felt annoyed I skipped on work, but, well, being sick also meant rest was a good idea.

Trying to think too much. Always a problem. Too much thinking, not enough emotion. Probably would have fewer bitter online spats if I could sort out how to balance those. :rolleyes:

Mr Mystery

04-23-2016, 11:44 AM

Right, digit extracted from bodily cavity.

Signed up with a GP, and got my appointment on Monday at 10:40.

Time to go see if I can't fix my brain, yes?

Kirsten

04-23-2016, 12:38 PM

if he gets out a model head and a hammer, maybe don't stay for the whole appointment

Erik Setzer

04-24-2016, 08:10 AM

If someone gets out a model anything and a hammer, I'd probably have a slightly violent reaction.

Bit of a "trigger," I suppose. :(

(I should probably explain... That's not a joke. My dad would destroy stuff if people weren't being properly obedient little robots. My mom's nice dishes, all my Star Wars stuff twice, my attempts at drawing so many times I just gave up. Collateral damage didn't matter, so one day he took a hammer to my brother's models on a desk because he was mad for whatever reason, and an Ork Nob I'd tried some new stuff on that looked awesome and I was so freaking proud of - oh, and was a limited model based on the GorkaMorka cover - was sitting there, and ended up also getting hit, completely flattening one side of the model. It was my brother he was lashing out at, but this miniature I loved just happened to be too close, and, well... that was that.)

Wolfshade

04-24-2016, 03:06 PM

Right, digit extracted from bodily cavity.

Signed up with a GP, and got my appointment on Monday at 10:40.

Time to go see if I can't fix my brain, yes?

Good luck, GP's are usually terrible with mental helath if you want anything other than something they can prescribe.

Mr Mystery

04-24-2016, 03:15 PM

Ideally, I just need a letter of referral. After that, back to work on Tuesday to find out how I make use of my BUPA membership.

Apparently, we've got top whack cover. It affects my tax code, so I might as well make use of it. That I won't also be clogging up the NHS unnecessarily is an added bonus.

NHS is a great thing to have, but I feel if you can afford private cover, you should take it out - let the NHS cover those who need it most!

Erik Setzer

04-24-2016, 04:08 PM

Forgot to also say, congrats and hope it helps out!

Mr Mystery

04-25-2016, 02:31 AM

Quick watch of Game of Thrones, then off to the GP.

Think I've got the paperwork for Bupa in the flat, so may not have to wait until tomorrow to do the next step.

Quite looking forward to getting this under way.

Mr Mystery

04-25-2016, 05:24 AM

Back from the GP, and now to give Bupa a ring and see what's what, what?

Kirsten

04-25-2016, 06:41 AM

success?

Psychosplodge

04-25-2016, 07:04 AM

Declared sane?

Asymmetrical Xeno

04-25-2016, 07:46 AM

Had a dreadful panic attack today after i went to get my lunch from the shop and had some hardnut army soldier and his mate come up to me insulting me for the way I dressed, really shook me up that did.

grimmas

04-25-2016, 08:33 AM

Erik Setzer

04-25-2016, 08:48 PM

EDIT. Meh. Bad idea to post late at night...

Morgrim

04-26-2016, 02:29 AM

You aren't wasting everyone's time. You're stuck in a poor situation that is understandably stressful. Your emotions are justified, Erik.

If solutions are something you're looking for some of us may be able to offer suggestions, but I'm not going to unless you indicate because I know from personal experience that if you're stressed and upset and ranting, sometimes you just want to let it out so there's space left over to think.

Erik Setzer

05-09-2016, 12:56 PM

Probably time to ask some doctor for their zombifying drugs...

Psychosplodge

05-10-2016, 01:47 AM

If they're zombifying you you're not on the right ones yet.

Erik Setzer

05-12-2016, 01:00 PM

I'm sitting here at work, and I have a cubicle right by a set of windows that look out over the river, with two of the city's bridges (we have at least seven major bridges) in view. Beautiful view normally. But apparently someone's trying to jump from one of the bridges (guessing he hasn't yet), and there's a crowd standing near my cube watching out the window commenting on it. Aside from it being frustrating that people would watch someone contemplating ending their life like it's some kind of spectator sport, I'm having a hard time not unloading on them when they talk about how sad it is for someone to get to that point (but if their friends were like that, doubt they'd think to help), or acting like they know how the person should feel.

The commentary on how you should jump to properly kill yourself isn't helping things for me.

Currently cranking dubstep into my ears pretty loud to drown them out. This isn't the kind of thing you want to hear and think about at work.

Erik Setzer

05-17-2016, 09:37 AM

CoffeeGrunt

05-17-2016, 09:52 AM

This is an interesting article:

http://arstechnica.com/gaming/2016/05/i-have-suicidal-depression-and-board-games-saved-my-life/

Good way to counter people who act like games are pointless and stupid.

They'll just say people with depression are weak and need to suck it up, like they always do. :/

Erik Setzer

05-17-2016, 10:07 AM

They'll just say people with depression are weak and need to suck it up, like they always do. :/

So... doubly stupid people. At that point they're basically wearing their ignorance like a badge and aren't worth dealing with, or worrying about their opinions and/or feelings.

CoffeeGrunt

05-17-2016, 10:20 AM

They're sadly common, though becoming less-so over time. There's a counter-movement, though. There always is. I keep seeing this post on my Facebook from various people:

http://i.imgur.com/gHhrz5Y.jpg

There's various iterations, but it's fantastic because A, it assumes that "safe spaces" are some sort of widespread problem, B, that soldiers during WWII all volunteered, (not for the British or Russian, at least,) and C, that sending fresh-faced 18 year olds into war is totes a great idea.

Also misses the fact that said 18 year olds came back - if they were lucky - with PTSD that they were repressed from talking about, and their struggle kinda started the movement towards understanding mental health. Not only that, the ones that didn't make it back died so that the next generation wouldn't have to be flung against a terrifying enemy to protect the very livelihood of their culture. They bought us comfort with their lives, but that somehow demands we keep throwing young men into war for some f**king reason.

Bleh. I just hate the whole trend of shaming anything the current generation does.

Erik Setzer

05-17-2016, 11:03 AM

A lot of people talking up the so-called "Greatest Generation," but the US war effort required a lot of drafting, and had a lot of people dodging the draft, and got to a point they had to use propaganda to keep the people interested (especially as they could justify going to war with Japan, who attacked America, but Europe was a whole other matter).

The PTSD is definitely an issue. I have a friend who served in the recent wars, but injuries forced him out, and he dislikes crowds and prefers to be able to see the exits/entrances (or at the very least have someone he trusts positioned to watch his back, preferably someone as likely to watch the doors). He needs a "safe space" at times, too. I don't see any reason to mock that.

Speaking of PTSD... the second season of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt kind of touched on it, some, but it was kind of awkward seeing her, someone suffering her own form of PTSD, making fun of a vet having issues with it. In all the types of humor they threw out there this season, that was the most uncomfortable scene (and was probably meant as a more serious scene to show how she was so out-of-touch with people that she didn't realize why a guy would be set off by the sound of a cork popping). The most amusing, but sad, line was when he walked into a room full of empty boxes (masquerading as "moving boxes") and remarked something about nervously watching the clearly empty boxes for signs of IEDs. (Oh, right... reminds me, the aforementioned friend also doesn't do well with seeing bags of trash on the side of the road. For similar reasons.) But at least you could sort of excuse the character Kimmy. Actual people? Not so much.

Erik Setzer

05-24-2016, 11:58 AM

I think I might, once I get finances in order, go ahead and see about maybe checking out a doctor or something. Just went down for lunch and there was a small crowd waiting around to place and get their order, and then a line at the register, and by the time I finally got through that and found a corner of the cafe that was a good distance from other people, I already felt like my chest was going to explode and I wanted to scream and run away from all the people there. Been about 45-50 minutes now, still feels pretty bad, but at least I feel "safe" at my desk, with people I know around me. That is just... I don't know. Words aren't working right now. I did not like that feeling. It's been like that most times I go down for lunch instead of eating at my desk, and was how I felt when I went to Civil War alone and had people crammed in on either side (until the movie started and distracted me). Just really sucky feeling. And now I feel... ashamed? For feeling that way? I think? (Well, that probably is being projected by something else related, but that's like a whole other tangent and I've already talked about myself too much here.)

Mud Duck

05-24-2016, 01:17 PM

But isn't that what this thread is about? To bring problems into the light, to help understand them and to help one overcome them, though discussion and back each other up?

Wolfshade

05-25-2016, 04:25 PM

The problem is that the NHS still consider mental health as the poor relation. If you gain type 2 diabetes through your own actions you can be sure of full life care, if you happen to be subjected to mental health issues that aren't your choice well too bad, you only have a finite resource so good luck, let's hope CBT or 12 months of therapy sorts it, otherwise, **** you, you're on your own.

Psychosplodge

05-26-2016, 01:37 AM

Don't forget the wait to see someone.

Erik Setzer

05-26-2016, 09:41 AM

Hmm... So should I be happy I'm in the States, then?

Maybe should see what my insurance from my job covers. Probably not much, since I mainly have it to stop the IRS from trying to take all my money.

Psychosplodge

05-27-2016, 01:45 AM

Hmm... So should I be happy I'm in the States, then?

Well that obviously depends on if you can afford treatment. I would assume if you're paying for it you can get it quicker.

Mr Mystery

05-27-2016, 01:57 AM

Depends on your job.

I've got private medical care through work. But I also have the NHS for the initial referral etc.

Trying to think of a way to say this next bit without sounding like a conceited arsehole, so please read in the spirit it's intended - in the UK, it seems once you hit a certain level of earnings, most jobs come with some form of private medical as a perk, ditto pensions etc. The more 'valuable' your job role, the more such things are used as sweeteners for staff retention.

Example? I could look to pastures new and increase my monthly and annual earnings. But, thanks to the perks I get (solid annual bonus, ridiculously good pension in that they pay 12% of my wage flat, and match me up to 3%, and give me £50 a month flexi benefit cash, so ultimately I pay £25 a month into my pension, but actually get £450 squirrelled away) a new employer would have to pay me significantly more. Once the main perks are taken into account, I actually get around £40,000 in goodies. That's the wonderful world of sort-of-finance in the UK.

CoffeeGrunt

05-27-2016, 03:48 AM

Offshore firms tend to have pretty nice private medical. I get a good discount on my BUPA, which I take out as a just-in-case measure. I also get subsidies on any glasses I need to buy, and a couple of other perks.

There's also the standardised medical testing, but most of that involves being...internally inspected by a Norwegian doctor, so it's not really a perk. Thankfully only a requirement for offshore staff, which I am not.