The friend zone...

[Mr Mystery]

As per the title. And something I'm intimately familiar with.

Is there a way out? Or is it permanent damnation?

See I have a very dear friend. Someone I've stood by through thick and thin. No matter the issue or crisis, I've been there for them. When all others have walked/skulked away in the face of adversity, I was this person's rock.

Stuff kind of happened, but got awkward in the way that can only happen to me. Mutual 'yes.......but no' type thing

And now this lovely lass is single, and for once not hurting.

Issue came up tonight without my mentioning. I was in the bog having a much needed slash. Came back, and she looked a bit bashful , and I overheard her saying that she and I would be a big 'weird'. Which to be fair it would, at least at first.

Yet I am the only guy to have not been if not altruistic in her presence, at least selfless. I've fallen on the proverbial so many times I genuinely hurts.

And I know I could make her happier than anyone she's ever dated.


So how to break this cycle?

Help me BOLSy-wan-Kenobi. You're my only hope.

[Kaptain Badrukk]

Urgh.
I know the pain, but there's a simple truth here.
There is no friend zone, it's a myth.
Have a frank (if likely slightly embarrassing) conversation about both your feelings.
Then either go get a coffee and laugh it off OR go get a coffee and treat it as a first date.
Either way the worst that can happen is a bit more awkwardness.
If your friendship's that strong that will fade.

[Mr Mystery]

That.........

That may well be the best advice I've had for a while!

Cheers dude!

[DarkLink]

Well, my personal solution was to turn it into the friends-with-benefits zone, but it didn't turn into anything more.

[Deadlift]

For some bizarre reason there are some women out there that only go for men that treat them like a doormat. Being Mr Nice Guy just doesn't compute with these lasses. I've seen it so many times and I've never understood it. I've seen female friends constantly shun really good guys who I know would treat them well and consistently drift between boyfriends who treat them with as much compassion as a plastic bag. It's like they just can't cope with having a proper loving relationship and I suspect the reason for this has roots with a crappy personal history.
Do what you can matey, but if it's not to be then it's not to be. Kaptains advice is good but ultimately if its not going to happen now it never will and don't waste your too long as much as you want to. Some lasses just can't be "saved" from themselves.

One thing I can say with confidence matey, is you come across as a really decent guy on these forums and I'm sure one day your going to meet someone and be very happy indeed.

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

I also agree. It's all folklore. I thought I was in the friend zone with my ex and also my current girlfriend, but all I did was breach the subject and we managed to move past the awkwardness.

[Wildeybeast]

Yeah, just be up front and honest. The friend zone only exists because people let themselves get stuck in it by not having 'the conversation'. Once that's had, you are clear on where you stand, either just friends or wanting to be more.
For my tuppence worth, her saying you two would be weird is not the same as her saying that she doesn't have any feelings for you and it will never happen. Clearly she has thought about it and thinks it would be weird, so she hasn't pursued the matter as she isn't sure how 'weird' is going to work out and most likely doesn't want to damage the friendship. On the little you've said, I'd say you have a shot. you've just got to take the reins on this thing, make it happen and make her see how weird can become cool rather than awkward. Best of luck to you pal.

[Mr Mystery]

Reckon Imma treat her to dinner when I'm next paid. As sort of pseudo date, see how that goes.

[Psychosplodge]

No.
I know a girl who went for somat to eat and a film with a friend and realised halfway through it was meant to be a date.
I don't think she spoke to him for like six months or so, cause she was so embarrassed.

[Mr Mystery]

Not if I just call it what it is :)

Duplicity and schemes get you nowhere!

[Aegwymourn]

Not if I just call it what it is :)

Duplicity and schemes get you everywhere!

Fixed that for you! :p

[Kaptain Badrukk]

Be careful man, an informal chat is one thing and a "pseudo-date" is another. If it's the kind of thing you guys do a lot then go for it, if not have the conversation in a time and place the two of you normally interact. One where you both feel comfortable and there's 0% extra pressure.
Splodge is right, that kind of thing can inadvertently ruin friendship mojo even if it's not date ambush.

[Wildeybeast]

Seconded. Make everything crystal clear and find out exactly what she is thinking/feeling before you bring up the d word.

[DarkLink]

You might want to phrase that last part differently. I now have an amusing image of how you ask women out;).

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

Want the d?

[DarkLink]

Yep. 'So now that we cleared up that you do kinda like me... you want the d?' I'm sure that'll give Mr Mystery all the guidance he needs;). Good luck, man.

[Mr Mystery]

Call me old fashioned, but I've always favoured a simple declaration of carnal affection.


SAUSAGE TIME!!!

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

O_O

[Mr Mystery]

Not far from the appropriate face :p

[David Crossley]

Sounds like you could do with a good dose of the red pill, to be perfectly honest.

[Wildeybeast]

Yep. 'So now that we cleared up that you do kinda like me... you want the d?' I'm sure that'll give Mr Mystery all the guidance he needs;). Good luck, man.

So that's what I've been doing wrong.

[Psychosplodge]

according to tumblr, and the internet rarely lies, apparently you come up behind your potential date, and just rest your naked penis on her shoulder and say hello...
If only I could find the quote...

[DarkLink]

http://i.imgur.com/DkyKwvw.jpg

This feels relevant.

[coachbeneficial]

It is a very difficult situation, you being "friend-zoned". It happens to almost everyone and not all succeeded in wanting to be in the next level with a friend. Just do not expect too much.

[Anthrax ion pusscabe]

And if it all goes wrong theres alway voodo mind control magic

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And a bit of occultish enchantment may help, a mandrake root with a pagan prayer for good fortune could help

[Denzark]

Hmm, a threadcromancer doth appear.

[Psychosplodge]

Plus didn't this one not actually work out?

[Mr Mystery]

I just kind of left it be. Made more sense!

[Psychosplodge]

You go through so many its difficult to keep track...

[Mr Mystery]

Oooh what a lie!

[Erik Setzer]

I like to think there's a way out, but honestly, I'm rubbish at knowing these things or dispensing advice. If I find my way out of the friend zone, I manage only to find my way completely out of the friendship, which then makes a person doubt whether they really should be honestly expressing how they feel about someone. If you have looks, money, or some kind of influence, chances are you'll find your way out of the friend zone. Otherwise... just be happy you at least have a friend you can rely on and be there for, and who appreciates it. Those are also pretty rare.

[Mr Mystery]

I think that's the key.

I'm happy to be her friend, but would like more. But more doesn't appear to be on the table. Still happy to be her friend.

Nothing lost, nothing gained. Status quo satisfactory :)

[Deadlift]

I think that's the key.

I'm happy to be her friend, but would like more. But more doesn't appear to be on the table. Still happy to be her friend.

Nothing lost, nothing gained. Status quo satisfactory :)

Plus on hand if she changes her mind ;).

[Mr Mystery]

Even then, I'd want to think about it.

Good friends are hard to find....

[Anthrax ion pusscabe]

Seariously voodo mind control magic is worth looking into

[Gotthammer]

http://33.media.tumblr.com/9e857bf11547cd8d22677cdf4d429ad6/tumblr_ncyibpCsMW1rhkpozo1_1280.png



Seariously voodo mind control magic is worth looking into

Or you could not try to and just accept she don't like you because guys who advocate mind control when a girl says no are highly suspect.

[Anthrax ion pusscabe]

Voodo works in any situation, personally never had or wanted a relationship so purposely giving bad advice here

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Like I can barely cope with the trust in others needed for having friends, a romantic relationship requires a whole lot more trust that I frankly couldn't give

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Seriously though I have a pretty big fear of other humans (they terrorfy me) and would rather surround my self with dogs, lizards, birds and fish and live in the middle of a jungle/forest in a hollowed out hill and never see another human again