Losing Gracefully... Help

[CenturyChild533]

I just lost my fifteenth game of 40k in a row, playing as Tau, and I'm about at my breaking point with the game. My problem isn't losing so much as the frustration that I'm starting to lose control of and take it out on my playgroup. I don't want to be that guy. Does anyone have this problem, and can you help me to be a better loser? Maybe some tips to help rein in my temper at least until I'm somewhere else away from the table?

Not sure if this is the right thread for it; please move if it's not.

Thanks.

[Denzark]

I'd say this is the correct thread. Sometimes, you cannot fight the dice. But, sounds like if you were not playing with said specific Tau army, you may win a few and thus stop the rot. Have you changed the list around at all? Have you got a different army you can go back to? Is there something particular such as flyers bringing you down, or are you forgetting a key rule?

If you have made all the changes of all the variables you can, and you have even borrowed a friends army and let him use yours and if you are still losing, it is fate and kismet dumping on you for transgressions in a past life.

[euansmith]

I think Denzark has a good idea about swapping armies with your opponent. You could try playing two games one after another against the same person; first with your own army and then with your opponents on. Keep an eye on what your opponent does with both their army and your own. Alternative, do what I do and either learn to enjoy losing or give up :)

[Popsical]

Take a short break. Ive just come off of two games where my oppos dice rolls have provuded exactly the numbers they need to do what they want every time. As an example: last game my oppo needed two sixes then two sixes then four sixes then three sixes. He got each roll without fail.
It cant be helped. The dice god is sometimes a git. I rationalise it that my life is good at the moment, so 40k is balancing my karma.

[SaveModifier]

Are you playing the same opponents? Maybe ask them how they're finding it so easy to beat you consistently? Then maybe you can learn what is going wrong.

I think learning to lose well is a good skill to learn though, a handshake and a chat after the game is a must, but learning to accept that loss as just part of a game is even more important, what is frustrating you about losing? Is it the way you're losing? Your bad luck? What do you like about the hobby?

[CenturyChild533]

Are you playing the same opponents? Maybe ask them how they're finding it so easy to beat you consistently? Then maybe you can learn what is going wrong.

I think learning to lose well is a good skill to learn though, a handshake and a chat after the game is a must, but learning to accept that loss as just part of a game is even more important, what is frustrating you about losing? Is it the way you're losing? Your bad luck? What do you like about the hobby?

Part of it is bad luck, definitely. Last game I played I somehow was managing to fail 2+ saves and watching my opponent pass everything, squads of guys dying left and right simply because of bad die rolls. But it's not just one game. The bad luck seems to follow me into every game, which leads me to believe it's not luck at all but some mistake I'm making.

I do play against the same armies most of the time simply because my work shift is the absolute worst to play during the week, and my weekends have been full for the last several months.

As far as what I enjoy about the hobby? Building stuff. The most fun I've had with 40K in a long time was a few weeks ago when my friend and I sat down to build two Inquisitors for his army from scratch. Kitbashing between Space Marines, Dark Angels, and whatever else we had lying around, that was great. The game itself, though, is driving me mad. And like I said, I don't want to be the guy no one wants to play against because of my attitude.

[Captofthe8th]

I don't play competitively, aka in tournaments, but I am a competitive person by nature. If I had lost 15 games in a row I'd be feeling the same as you are. So you aren't alone in that regard. :)

I have found that when I start getting angry about my own mistakes or my bad dice rolls, if I compliment my opponent for his luck or for his insight to capitalize on my mistake, that it takes the edge off the annoyance or anger.

I was playing a guy with my tau and had shrugged off battle cannons and las cannons with my riptide for 4 turns. Then in the last two turns I failed all my 2+ saves against heavy bolters and lasguns. I needed him to contest an objective but they shot him to pieces. I was starting to get peeved so I took a breath and told him, " good job, that's how you bring down a riptide, weight of fire." He was pleased with himself and it helped me relax too. It helped me remember it was just a game.

Hope that helps. :)

[SON OF ROMULOUS]

best answer beer :) honestly when your all laughing and having fun does it really matter if your winning or loosing? the other answer as other's have said would be to change your list or to change your army comp. after months of playful jest and good hearted ridicule we got out own tau player to try and use kroot in his list. the week prior he actually made me throw in the towel after 2 losses in a row then i come back with a new list some new units and boom he gives in after his cockatil and unit od drones gets las gunned to death by veterans.

The way i see it some games the gods are with you others they aren't they are fickle creatures at the best of times and down right evil at the worst. There have been games where you get blown out games where you salaughter and games where its a dead heat. just got to do your best to learn from your defeats as much as you do your wins. maybe play back the last few turns in your head and try and see what you could have done differently. perhaps moving yout unit to a different spot would have been better maybe your target priority was off. there are alot of variables to consider maybe your dice were horrible or his really good. some games it just happens like that.

[SotonShades]

I went through a period of about 4 years without winning a game, playing once or twice a week most weeks. I got a few draws in that time but mostly I lost. Some of that was not having the right units (mostly due to limited funds and the non0existence of eBay at the time). Some came down to poor luck. Worst of all was that most of my opponents were baffled as to quite how I had lost so badly. They could usually point out something I had made a mistake on, some unit I had been over confident or overly cautious with, but nothing big. I adopted the mentality that I must be really unlucky (which still hangs over me today!) and that consensus spread throughout my gaming groups. I became an easy opponent, always having a laugh doing it, but never someone people would challenge for a really tough game for tournament preparation and the like.

I did learn to enjoy losing; mocking my models, my dice, my opponents' good rolling... you name it, I could make a joke about it and I had a good time playing, even if those jokes were just to take the edge off.

Thing is, my opponents were right; I wasn't making any big mistakes. Those little things added up and whilst not always the reason I lost a game, what may have cost me in one game may have escaped the notice of my next opponent, or might not have come up at all because of the choices of units. Some of those things started to sink in, and I started finding I was getting more close draws and even the occasional lucky win.

I still make mistakes. I still over commit Tactical squads thinking they might just hold out in combat against that unharmed mob of Orks. I still have to make jokes when my opponent manages to penetrate all my Leman Russes in a single shooting phase, despite not having anything over S 8 to shoot with. What I find key is talking with my opponent after the game. More often than not, they had points in the game where they thought I was going to walk away with it after making a mistake I didn't spot or times where they thought I was rolling overly well as I thought they were. After discussing what went well and what failed spectacularly (as well as joking about those lucky Devastators who all managed to hit with their lascannons on snap shots...) I always steer the conversation on to what they would have done differently, what they would have done if they were me and what I would have done differently. Hindsight is wonderful, as we all know, but if you can remember even a fraction of it for your next game, you'll start to find yourself coming out on top more often.

One last point that has fortunately never been a problem for me, but is something I see people do all too often; don't forget to play the mission. Sure, those Chaos Terminators are a tempting target for your AP2 blast weapons, but the Chaos Cultists holding the objective will be what actually wins the game. If the Elites aren't threatening your ability to win the game, don't focus on them in favour of a Troop option (though still keep in mind how long it will take to mitigate the threat).

Hope some of that helps. If all else fails, I still probably lose more games than I win, so maybe I can help break your duck :)

[Mr Mystery]

Mr Mystery's guide to not sucking at 40k.

Lesson one.

Suck. It. Up.

Lesson two.

You will always learn more from defeat than victory.

Lesson three.

You are not a special snowflake. You will take a kicking.

Lesson four.

Unless you can fully explain the game, and the forces arrayed no amount of interwebular speculation is going to help.

Lesson five.

I got good at the game through trial, error, and numerous embarrassingly bad defeats.

Lesson six.

There are more lessons than I can possibly post up. Hang on there. Try something new every time.

[Wolfshade]

One of the things that you could do is consider what your army is doing. So, when you play a game consider what went well and what didn't. What units were worth it and what wasn't or was the issue how a unit was used. Then make small tweaks to the list to address these small areas. But that is possibly more how to improve rather than how to lose gracefully.

It is an old axiom but it isn't all about the winning, it is the playing that counts. Sounds a little cheesey sorry about that.

[Ian Mulcahy]

One of the things I enjoy doing sometimes is just getting a fun narrative for the battle going. Cheesy battle cries, laughing at the sheer ridiculousness that the dice can bring, and bringing in my own little bit of fun. Enjoy the story that unfolds as the game progresses. I find that leads to some memorable moments that last long past the battle. Here's some of my favorites from games I've been in:

Having a 10 man squad of battle sisters reduced to a single model by my opponents terminator squad. She made her leadership roll and fired her bolter-- hitting and killing one of the termies. He decided he needed to stop chasing my command squad and focus on that one poor sister--splattering her horribly.

Starting a three-way battle and realizing we were all playing Imperium forces (Guard, Marines, Sisters). So we put a shack in the middle and decided we were fighting for control of the outhouse. Chaos ensued.

Having my orbital strike scatter into my own seraphim squad just before it engaged my opponents front line. Ouch.

Teasing my opponent because his farseer kept bouncing his Singing Spear off the front of my rhinos-- "Silly eldar, spears can't hurt tanks!"

Having my entire sisters army gunned down by guardsmen as I tried to close in to engage them. My army was butchered to a man because I placed a single squad in the wrong position during deployment

The point is, for all of those battles (except the last one) I don't even remember who won the battle. Focus on the fun-- then loosing isn't so nasty. (Losing still sucks though. If you can, try to avoid it. :p)

[ElectricPaladin]

I think you need to distinguish your problems.

Is your problem that you're losing too much and it's frustrating you to the point of distraction? Do an army switch, proxy your army as another army (maybe you picked the wrong faction...), and play with experienced opponents and ask them what you're doing wrong. Something else you might enjoy is trying on some 40k variants that play more to your strengths, or are at the very least just a change of pace (sometimes if you can't win at least you can lose in a new way). Supplements like Cities of Death, Spearhead, and Kill Team are all pretty easy to adapt to the 6th Edition rules, and can be a lot of fun if you're suffering from frustration and/or burnout.

If your problem is that you're taking losing too seriously... I don't know what to say. It's a game. I get that frustrated feeling that comes with an NGE (Negative Game Experience), but taking it out on your opponents... that's just childish. To be perfectly honest, I'd recommend looking at the rest of your life to see if you can discern a pattern of that sort of behavior. Maybe what you really need is to talk to a counselor of some kind: a shrink, priest/rabbi, buddy, prostitute... anyone who can help you get to the real reason why your maturity levels are taking a hit.

Full disclosure: I've seen several shrinks over the course of my life, and I'm married to a shrink. I don't see it as a sign of anything other than living in a crazy world, and I'm not trying to insult you.

[Lost Vyper]

Been there brother, been there...our whole FLGC is competitive, although we try to keep games fun & fluffy --> that don´t always happen...:p I played CSM for about 1-2 years, always against seasoned players (BA, Orks, Nids mainly) and my record (fe. in ten games) was like Win 1 Draw 1 Defeat 8 and i still kept banging my head against the tree...then i got bored and bought few new codexes and started the Eldar trickery path. First it was an uphill climb, but now i win some, lose some, but it´s MORE FUN, i´ve found MY army.

My 2 cents...

- Last game i mentally prepared myself losing against the Necrons (which i didn´t! My toughest enemy ATM), just to keep myself calm after the beating --> i too get heated sometimes and i recommend you to see the possibility of losing too, so you can see that´s it´s not the end of the world
- Beer was recommended, so true :)
- Switch you army or get fe. Eldar allies. Or go over your list and check what you are missing (more firepower, Riptide spam etc., fortification)
- Any downtime i have from playing 40K, i check almost every BATREP available for Eldar from Youtube. I suggest you find yourself a channel/channels to view, cos you´ll get loads of ideas and strategies from those. For Tau, Miniwargaming´s Owen has a nasty Tau-list and cool batreps, --> miniwargaming.com
- And last, it´s just a game (this is what i have to tell myself OVER and OVER after a bad beat, but you´ll always bounce back), re-tweak your list and NEVER bring the same list two times in a row

- Lost Vyper

[Denzark]

Actually Soton put a key one out there. Play the mission. If in doubt, start killing scoring units. Or units that you get a cheap VP for.

[Digitarii]

First, remember it's just a game. Of all the reasons to get upset, this isn't one of them. Frustrated, yes, but not upset. Second, mix up your playlist a bit. Change something around and maybe that change will work in your favor. Third, 6th edition is all about synergies and narrative. Units that you wouldn't look twice at in 5th edition take on a whole new life when you pair them with the correct synergistic unit in 6th. Fourth and final, if it's that bad, take a break from 40K and play some Video Games and read some books.

I've had some opponents consistently loose to me because I'm better at the abstract of the rules. You're not just playing against the opponent, you're also playing against the rules for that scenario. Back in the days when Necrons were first introduced, my primary opponent and I had a game of his Necrons versus my Blood Angels. He literally took out everything except my librarian in Termie armor and he had nothing that could take out the Libby. The scenario rules were that he had to kill off every model to claim a victory, I had to have at lest one intact unit survive to the end of the final turn. By the RAW, I won the game, but since he wiped out my force, I felt that the victory was truly his. To his credit, he never gave up trying even though he knew he had nothing that could hurt the libby. Me, I always got stuck in and fought his units instead of moving and hiding the libby like I could have done. The important thing is that we didn't get frustrated and had a good time playing the game.

[Auticus]

Do battle reports. Record your games. Post them. Get critiqued. Learn.

Most of the time people blaming losses on the dice have made other mistakes in the game that made those dice rolls so important that failing them costs them the game. I'm not saying that dice aren't a factor.... they obviously are.... but 9 times out of 10 when i hear someone blame their losses on dice and i watch them play I can pick out a half dozen or so major mistakes that they make, but they only see that the dice are rolling poorly for them.

[Wildeybeast]

Play nids. I used to find taking handfuls of my models off the board to be so disheartening as a Tau player. Nids let me get into the mindset of not caring about my troops; hell, there are plenty more of them and their purpose is just to jam up the enemy guns. I now have a far more relaxed attitude to defeat with all my armies. Remember, you may have lost one battle but you can still win the war.

[Orange]

You're going to have to just keep on losing and suck it up. Try and see what you are doing wrong in games in terms of your deployment, what you are bringing to the table that is consistently not performing as you see described/how you envision them to work. Also, making sure that your army is in sync is very important. Each unit should have a purpose and you should usually have a fall back in case of that bad die roll. If you cannot fulfill what you expect to most commonly come across when playing locally then you should tweak your list to allocate for these deficiencies. As someone who also plays Tau, trial and error in terms of placement is important as well as learning in what order to do things as often times you are looking at using units to strengthen other units to get results instead of simple point and shoot like people like to pretend that is how Tau is played.

Also, my suggestion would be to try and check your dice from time to time. Even though I know all dice are created equal in terms of probability, I have packages of dice I won't use because I consistently roll poorly with these dice as people all roll very differently.

[CenturyChild533]

Everyone, thank you very much for all your feedback and help. I really appreciate your advice and, most importantly, your candor.

I have a short term course of action now. Since I finally have a weekend free to devote to it, I'm going to brainstorm some new lists and see if I can find the flaws in my army composition, and try to play a couple of games over the weekend. In all honesty though, if those couple of games go poorly I'm going to take another hiatus from everything but model building. I have too much stress going on right now as is; 40K was supposed to be a break from all of that, and it's just making things worse at the moment. Thankfully there's still the hobby end of things to keep me occupied.

I made a bonehead snap judgement though and ordered the Eldar Ghost Warriors box set to build an Iyanden army with. I may live to regret that, but at the very least I can have fun building it, customizing the figures, and making it look awesome. Then maybe I can sell it if I don't end up enjoying playing it.

[spaceman91]

When I see defeat coming I start to do things just because it would be funny to see. I actually won a game because of this. Scouts charging a berserker unit that was twice the size being my greatest moment. Some oppents don't like it when I do this and I can see why but it is a game.

[Brother Kendo]

Some things come to mind, especially with new players.

1) Play the mission. Dont get too overly distracted by everything going on in a game. If you need to capture objectives do it.

2) DO NOT try and kill everything in one turn. By this I mean dont spread out your firepower to multiple units. Try picking a unit and shooting it until its dead then move onto the next. This really takes its tole on your opponent durring the game, and gives you a sense of accomplishment.

3) Hang in there. When I first started I used to lose to everyone as well. Like was said before, you should be learning more from losing than winning.What I started doing was learning others armies as well as my own. When you know how another army operates you can more easily pick out its weaknesses.

4) Take notes, both mental and written (record games if you opponent doesnt mind. If a unit does something well, remember that. If they get in a situation you have not had them in before, DO IT. If it works out you can feel confident trying it again, if it goes very badly well....don't do that again lol

5) Take time to just watch games. WHAT i bought all these models and spent hours painting to play not watch. Trust me, watching what other players do can give you great insight. If you are in a friendly game group ask them if you can ask questions durring the game. I dont mind explaining why I make certain moves on the table to new players: "I moved these guys over here because I redirected that unit this way, and gave them a cover save, and moved closer to this objective"

[Ursa]

Having played this game for many years I have seen my share of wins and loses. Ive owned and played every army there has ever been including Squats and Zoats, even Slann. Some armies I have dominated with (marines and eldar) others I couldn't pull off a win no matter how many times I tried (sisters and dark eldar). My conclusion some army fit the player. Others don't.
With that said maybe Tau aren't the army for you. They are not a beginners army and are not everyones cup of tea. Eldar ghost army might work but my suggestion would be go the opposite direction. Khorne chaos or tyranids. When I got tired of marines I got Orks.