The thread of helpful life advice....

[Mr Mystery]

Evening people of the Oubliette.

Was thinking of doing this thread anyways, but Bigreds grain story has convinced me!

This thread is intended as advice, encouragement and reassurance to any who might need it. Feel free to either contribute helpful stuff, or to request advice.

But first things first....all advice should be taken with a pinch of salt. Not that I expect dodgy advice, but more that what works for one person won't necessarily work for another! It's guidance, rather than a list of 'how to succeed and win at everything ever without really trying'.

And trying is the most important thing. Yoda was wrong. There is try. Yes, ultimately you will either succeed or fail in your task, but you won't do either without first trying. Best advice I can give here is to set yourself clear, specific and measurable goals. You're far more likely to bag a decent job that pays well if you can first define exactly what this job might look like to you. For instance, at my work, we each have a personal development plan. It's meant to be ongoing and ever running, looking to the next three years. My one focuses mostly on the next 12 months, and what I can achieve in them, and how I intend to do so. Beyond that it's necessarily hazy!

Now....perhaps you've tried, and not succeeded. This is not the same as failure. Hackneyed I know, but you only fail when you stop trying. We're all wargamers on here, so we should all know you learn far more from a loss than a victory. The same goes in life. If you stumble, and miss your goal, reflect on it. Be frank and honest with yourself first and foremost, as chances are you've damaged your chances more than anyone else. Yes that does seem harsh, but hey, hard work is hard! This can be married up with feedback, especially if you can seek constructive feedback. Even if you don't like what you hear, listen. You may not recognise the person they describe, but they're the one looking in!

For the younger denizens....schools lie to you. No, not in the general education, but with the pressure to succeed, and to succeed now. Further education isn't going anywhere after all, and remains accessible throughout your adult life. It just takes a bit more effort to get to that next stage. If you're struggling with academia, talk to your parents, and discuss the possibility of taking some time out to work full time (16+ only!). Sure you're pretty much guaranteed to wind up with a fairly dead end job, but that might be just what you need to sort your head out and focus on what you do want in life. Certainly I never knew what I wanted to do, so mucked about a lot in my latter school life. Had someone given me this advice, my life could have been quite different!

Growing up.....frankly, it sucks. It doesn't bring freedom. It doesn't bring respect. It certainly doesn't bring maturity. In my experience, all it brings are bills, more bills, another bill, and the occasional night out you can't really afford because all the sodding bills you need to pay! Enjoy your youth! Figure yourself out, and don't let anyone hold you back. Yes, this includes your friends! Blaze your own trail, it's worth the effort!

So that's quite a general droning, so I shall take a break. Feel free to contribute and support and that!

[YorkNecromancer]

My life advice? Hmmm... Okay, things I tend to live by.


The price of love is loss. Whoever you love, you will lose, either when they leave or when they die. The price is always worth paying.
It is better to be complete in and of yourself than use someone else as an emotional crutch.
People who say they aren't afraid of anything, then go on to hate others for their race, religion, sexuality or whatever peanut-headed reason prove that yes, they are afraid, just too stupid to realise it.
Mistakes are perfectly acceptable. People who will not accept mistakes are not.
Most of the important choices in life are not choices between good and bad, but between bad and worse. The ability to tell the difference accurately is called wisdom.
You are going to hurt people. Most often without realising it. So make sure you think things through, and make sure that whatever it is you're about to do hurts no-one deliberately and as few people inadvertantly as possible.
Inaction is a course of action; the standard you ignore and walk past is a standard you just endorsed.
Inequality harms everyone, including the person who gets more than their fair share.
The most useful question I have ever used: "What is this person's agenda?" I apply it to everything I read or watch, everything I am told, and everyone I meet. Every writer has an agenda - what do they want from you? To change your mind? Why? How? Are they right? It's not a call to distrust people. Just be sure you agree with what they want.
If you've got a problem, you tell someone about it, and they say "Well, that doesn't apply to me, so it's not a problem", that person is not your friend. A lack of empathy demonstrates either a lazy thinker, a selfish egotist, or a dangerous psychopath.
You have rights. They come at a price. We call this price your responsibilities. These responsibilities include respecting the rights of others.
When someone tells you they've been raped, you don't tell them what to do, you don't hug them, and you don't ignore them. You listen. You listen, and you are supportive, then when they finish, you ask what they need, and then you provide it. You don't talk about your feelings, or thoughts, unless they ask, because it's not about you. Hope you never have to use this last piece. I've had to use it too many times now.



Growing up.....frankly, it sucks. It doesn't bring freedom. It doesn't bring respect. It certainly doesn't bring maturity. In my experience, all it brings are bills, more bills, another bill, and the occasional night out you can't really afford because all the sodding bills you need to pay!

If this is true for you, you're doing it wrong. Growing up is certainly a pain in the backside, but youth was no walk in the park either. Basically, life is hard. Always. There will always be problems, and the only person who can solve them is you, and that only happens when you invest the time and effort to make difficult and lasting change.

So don't just enjoy your youth. Enjoy as much of today as you can, because there won't ever be another. If you're not enjoying it, work out why not. If you can't, get some help. I recommend professional counselling and therapy, because that worked for me, and all the friends I know who've done it. The only people it hasn't worked for are the ones who don't want to do it because they don't feel they need it because there's nothing wrong with them apart from the fact they're unhappy all the time, which sounds like a problem to me, but hey, who am I to point out their denial?

Seriously people, being unhappy all the time is as unnatural a state as being happy all the time, reasons or no.

[Mr Mystery]

And on top of those....no matter who you are, no matter what you do, someone is going to hate you for it. Even Gandhi had his detractors. Some still consider Nelson Mandela no more than a terrorist. So sod them. As York said, as long as you're not aiming to hurt or harm people, you're doing the right thing. And some people will just hate you because that's all they have in their lives....

[Kirsten]

Life Lesson:

Rice is fantastic for bulking out fajitas.

also, when eating something spicy (which is the only type of food I eat) do not wipe sticky fingers on a tissue, then blow your nose with the same tissue when you have a cold... this lesson is freshly learned this evening.


On a more serious note my life philosophy is Epicurean. it is a much misaligned philosophy which does not actually mean what it is used to mean these days. Whilst it is true that the sole goal of Epicureanism is pleasure, it need not be selfish pleasure, it is anything you enjoy, such as helping others. altruism is a perfectly reasonable source of happiness. Epicurus himself, the founder, was labelled a hedonist for a long time during and after his life in the 4th century BC by his detractors. but he was in fact a celibate, vegetarian tee total. here we get to the important bit, his philosophy behind the whole school, the less you need in life, the happier you will be. By all means enjoy stuff, enjoy whatever makes you happy, but the less you actually need in order to be happy, the better your life will be. simple pleasures.

[Wolfshade]

1. Don't eat yellow snow
2. With enough tea anything is possible

[Psychosplodge]

Don't put up with an abusive partner. The scars will never leave you, and they aren't worth it.

[Dave Mcturk]

don't get involved with a life partner who doesn't understand playing little soldiers is more important than shopping...

[DarkLink]

1. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for others.

2. Read A Message for Garcia (http://www.birdsnest.com/garcia.htm). If you want to get something done, make sure it gets done.

3. Harden the **** up. If you're having trouble with this, join the Marines (or your nation's equivalent), and they'll do it for you.

I can't think of very much that those three things don't cover.

[scadugenga]

One good tip: Being an adult isn't about age. It's about one simple thing: Life is about making choices. Choices have consequences, and being an adult means accepting the consequences of those actions, for good or ill.

[daboarder]

1. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for others.

2. Read A Message for Garcia (http://www.birdsnest.com/garcia.htm). If you want to get something done, make sure it gets done.

3. Harden the **** up. If you're having trouble with this, join the Marines (or your nation's equivalent), and they'll do it for you.

I can't think of very much that those three things don't cover.

This, (dunno about the marine part, joining the army was my fall back plan if I didn't get into research, but now...)

Can I also add,

Have compassion, everybody on this planet has been through ****, that's life, so be nice when your chips are up.

[ElectricPaladin]

In no particular order:

• Don't forget to ask for help. People will help you. There's no shame in it, because asking for help isn't the same thing as being weak, or not pulling your own weight. Anyone who makes you feel that way because you asked for help is a dysfunctional piece of **** and you should have no time or patience for that kind of nonsense.
• Charisma means asking for what you want and accepting what you get. Simply stating your desire without shame or pretense is the best way to get what you want. Everything else is manipulative, and it really doesn't work nearly as well.
• Love is stronger than death. It doesn't look that way on the surface, but it's true. Love is also worth it.
• School doesn't work the way the real world works, so if you suck at school it doesn't mean that you're going to suck at life.
• Whatever it is that's eating you, you can survive it. It will pass.
• Don't be afraid to make drastic changes in your life. It's the only way you're ever going to get anything done. The difference between a guy who dies of liver failure and a guy who goes to AA meetings isn't an intervention or hitting "rock bottom" - it's having the courage to say "this isn't working, let's try something new."
• No one has the right to judge your pain and say "this pain isn't as bad as this other pain." Similarly, you have no right to judge anyone else's pain. Joy works the same way.

[Wolfshade]

Do regular excercise the benefits are huge both physically and mentally.

[ElectricPaladin]

Do regular excercise the benefits are huge both physically and mentally.

Oh man. So true.

[Build]

- Never be afraid to try something new, it could be playing an instrument, learning a new language or living abroad, don't be put off by what others may say, you have all the time in the world, not some magic window before it's all too late.
- Be slow to argue, winning an argument is a hollow victory if you find yourself becoming rude and disrespectful.
- Always be ready to learn, from each new experience, every failed attempt or situation turned bad, each and every one makes you a little bit wiser.
- Learn to satisfy and please your own desires and goals before you meet those set down by others, if you live your life by other peoples' standards you will never be happy.

- "Accept everything as it is" "Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world" - both from Miyamoto Musashi.

- watch this, gotta love Mr Luhrmann.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

[Wolfshade]

There are 2 things in life, things that I know and things that I want to know

[Chris Copeland]

"Never get involved in a land war in Asia!" is a good one. But only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"

[Mr Mystery]

Choose some 'power songs'. Songs that inspire you in whatever course you set.

Two of mine?

The Prisoner - Iron Maiden. Dedicated to every simple minded small town yokel who has ever dared to make me feel worthless....

Dare - Stan Busy. Dedicated to me, because I did indeed Dare, and now my future is mine.

[scadugenga]

Choose some 'power songs'. Songs that inspire you in whatever course you set.

Two of mine?

The Prisoner - Iron Maiden. Dedicated to every simple minded small town yokel who has ever dared to make me feel worthless....

Dare - Stan Busy. Dedicated to me, because I did indeed Dare, and now my future is mine.



Song#1.1 (All the more awesome watching live when you realize the front man is also lead guitar, and the bass player doubles down and plays keyboard as well.)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT1ircqQklo

To be continued---:P forum rules.

[scadugenga]

Song #1.2 (Same band, so :P)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfFjU4gPIqQ

[scadugenga]

Song#2.1


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWf5BLUOhNM

[scadugenga]

Last, and perhaps best:

Song#2.2


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9BTZrFRYfw

Happy birthday Freddie, no one like you before or since.

[Fizzybubela]

One of my power songs:

Anthrax - I am the Law (remastered)


http://youtu.be/IqgTNdRD9Kw

[daboarder]

If w're sharing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B0PJkS0iyk

Probably says bad things about my head!