Australia: Everything is trying to kill you

[daboarder]

So in light of the very easy derailment of the space marine rumours thread by us laughing about Australia being a death world, I thought it could be cool to start this topic down here.

Incidentally, this is on the front page of the news today.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-08-31/magpies-magpie-attack-spring-wildlife-birds/4926620

[Verilance]

interesting as this has become a theme with my son and i when we talk of Australia everything does want to kill you there lol

[DWest]

Would it be easier to list out the animals *not* actively seeking your demise in Australia, or would that just be an empty sheet of paper?

[daboarder]

Some of the sheep?

Edit:

Or not

http://alldownunder.com/australian-authors/banjo-paterson/merino-sheep.htm

[Gotthammer]

I back on to bushland so all sorts of creepy crawlies get in the house - usually just huntsmen, but had some redbacks making webs in my bookshelf recently. Also have what look like funnelweb tunnels in the yard. And there are occasionally snakes, most green tree snakes, but occasionally we get the odd brown snake or red belly.
But on the plus side we also get a lot of galahs, rosellas, kookaburras and the like- even the odd owl or kite flying around. Had a blue tongue living in a drain out the front of the house for a while and habe had to try and catch frogs leaping around the house a few times. Plenty of flying foxes and cockatoos as well but they suck so whatevs.
Oh, and if you go down to the creek you get turtles and ducks and the like too.

As an aside I've never been attacked by anything, save that one time a flying fox hit me in that face or that other time an owl kept swooping me one night. But every time I've almost trodden on a snake it's run away :p

[Build]

Reminds me of this.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmRexWQhs3M

I remember the bathroom of the place I stayed at in Aus had a load of red backs in it, I got very good at peeing from one side of the room to the other.

[eldargal]

Australia is scary.:( They also have fire tornados:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsyvOYcWgcg
I mean what's next, sharknados?

Quokkas , I think, are adawbs though:
http://31.media.tumblr.com/86536627228c591dc6c6149e62c388e1/tumblr_mqv83xFHJp1qepi43o3_500.jpg
Probably also venemous or something though.

[White Tiger88]

Australia, Everything that looks Friendly is going to kill! And everything that looks Deadly is going to be friendly and safe!

[daboarder]

Australia, Everything that looks Friendly is going to kill! And everything that looks Deadly is going to be friendly and safe!

http://resources0.news.com.au/images/2013/03/19/1226600/788048-large-croc.jpg

You were saying


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fNwKYPX5ws

[daboarder]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1175748_194677950705711_1474925240_n.jpg

Man, even I had a "holy ****" moment at this one.

[White Tiger88]

http://resources0.news.com.au/images/2013/03/19/1226600/788048-large-croc.jpg

You were saying


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fNwKYPX5ws

Looks friendly enough to me........It is even cool enough to chill in the back of a Toyota with you! AND THATS NO CROCK!





https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1175748_194677950705711_1474925240_n.jpg

Man, even I had a "holy ****" moment at this one.

Well then......It would seem the Under water Dinosaurs still exist and are eating things randomly!

[Wolfshade]

Don't forget those drop bears...

[White Tiger88]

Don't forget those drop bears...

....The WHAT?

[Gotthammer]

They're sort of like Koalas, but they drop out of trees to attack things, hence the name. One of the few non-extinct mammalian predators left.

[jgebi]

if you want backing on bush my dads house is an old rural fire station we turned into a house only a year ago, it's up in Mt Peri if anyone wants to look at where that is. well his place is surrounded with gumtrees, the other time I was up there this brown snake (I think) was going after the chickens bloody thing was 3ft+ in length but anyway I think for all the things that want to kill me up there (and theres a lot) it's still very beautiful and peaceful and more then anything you just need to respect nature

[daboarder]

I live up north of sydney, kurin-gai national park is literally across the road from my house. Lots of snake and spider stories ay!

[Wildeybeast]

Well then......It would seem the Under water Dinosaurs still exist and are eating things randomly!

Or sharks. The crocs are technically the dinosaurs.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the killer stingray. You have an animal which has evolved to stab you in the heart. W.T.F.

Apparently there were once 12 foot tall kangaroos, but the first humans ate them because they were slow. And tasty.

[DarkLink]

We just found a dead cat in our garage. Next day, we found a dead rattlesnake at the end of our driveway. Pretty sure they did each other in.

[White Tiger88]

They're sort of like Koalas, but they drop out of trees to attack things, hence the name. One of the few non-extinct mammalian predators left.

What the hell.........So ninja Koalas........

[Mr Mystery]

I've always wondered what would happen if you dumped a Great White Shark in the middle of the outback.

I reckon it would sprout wings, get a stinger in it's tail, and suddenly develop Wasps for teeth.

[White Tiger88]

I've always wondered what would happen if you dumped a Great White Shark in the middle of the outback.

I reckon it would sprout wings, get a stinger in it's tail, and suddenly develop Wasps for teeth.

.....Well damn that might just be amazingly awesome and deadly at the same time!

[Mr Mystery]

And laser eyes.

[daboarder]

What the hell.........So ninja Koalas........

Drop bears

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULEQpUY_crc

[White Tiger88]

drop bears

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uleqpuy_crc

lol!

[daboarder]

If you liked that you'll love these

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofqrXa4rn8E

Aussie alcohol adds....better than a comedy festival

[Wolfshade]

I remember there used to be a TV show called Tarrant on TV and it would be a clip show from adverts and tv shows from around the world and some of those Ozzie adverts were amusing

[White Tiger88]

Ah Australia! I would visit you if you everything wouldn't try to kill me and the spiders wernt big as my hand.

[Mr Mystery]

Ah Australia! I would visit you if you everything wouldn't try to kill me and the spiders wernt big as my hand.

And you'd been convicted of a crime.

[daboarder]

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-09-02/man-rescued-after-being-stalked-by-croc-for-2-weeks/4929068

[Kaptain Badrukk]

8 weeks until I move to Sydney. Now officially terrified, not because of the animals (since treating them with a healthy respect and long broom where required should be safe as houses), but because it seems all my wife's friends out there are laywers! I'm going to get eaten by landsharks(the laser free kind)!

[Gotthammer]

Guide to living in Sydney (http://blogs.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/joehildebrand/index.php/dailytelegraph/comments/are_you_a_true_sydneysider_take_the_test_and_find_ out/).

Where are you moving from?

[jgebi]

my good friend what you need is the trusty anti-lawyer kit that comes free to all men with enough balls to use it. Its called a reptile license and a pet croc or snake or spider if you are feeling different, I will never forget the first time I saw my mates GF's face when she walks in and his bet snakes on the floor snacking with us :') good time and bloody good snake wouldn't ever hurt us or anyone at that (it's non-venomous so it can't XD well unless it gets on your body in that case your screwed) but she freaked so hard and still thinks we are crazy

[Kaptain Badrukk]

Moving from England.
Technically I'm coming on a working holiday, but my wife's Australian and once she gets back there I doubt she'll want to return.
I'm already fully prepared for the fact that we're never coming back, in fact provided I don't hate it in the first few months I'll be filling out my Immigration forms with a grin on my face. I've wanted out of England for about 5 years now, and she paints such a rose-tinted view of Aus I'm already 100% sold (once i'd done some nostalgia mitigating research of course).
Where's good to get a game in Sydney then? We're headed for the Marsfield / Ryde area (she's got a nursing job there), so I'll be looking for opponents and a D&D (or any other P&P) group asap!
Also, realistically what non-human things are going to try and kill me in Sydney? Mrs downplays it, mates i know who've been tell horror stories, therefore assume it's middle ground. e.g. 1-2 deadly spider / snake encounters per annum (mostly spider) and listen out for the shark sirens.

Love the Guide BTW, sounds like being a Londoner.

[Gotthammer]

Well you'll be just down the road (more or less) from the Parramatta bunker and there are a few clubs around for wargaming. P&P I can't say, but there are game stores around you'd be able to investigate at.

Realistically in that area? None. Huntsmen are common but generally not lethal and very, very rarely attack people. Snakes are far less common as the browns migrate and with the expansion of western Sydney they don't have the open land to move through to get to the Ryde area. I've had maybe 6 snake encounters in my life, and most of those were non-venomous kinds. I was surprised to find redbacks as not only were they making webs on my bookcase but I haven't seen any for many years.

Though keep your gum trees well maintained as they fall over a lot and drop very large limbs randomly. They can also explode in fires, which this year will probably be a bad year for.

[Kaptain Badrukk]

OK, so to summarise. Fauna ok, flora(as yet not on my radar) bad!
Oh, and fire, fire bad.
And Magpies I'm told.

[Gotthammer]

It does depend - I mean my house almost got a large tree through it once, and I know people who have had large dents put in their cars by falling branches, but lethality is generally played up. That said you do need to be prepared, but where you're moving is basically the middle of suburbia so you're basically fine. Probably more to worry about from on of Sydney's epic storms (http://www.australiasevereweather.com/photography/photos/2007/1210jd03.jpg) than the plants or animals.

Don't know about maggies - of all the various animals that have attacked me over the years they're not on the list :p


Another very useful (http://youknowyouareaustralianwhen.tumblr.com/) (or bewildering) guide to Australia.

[daboarder]

It does depend - I mean my house almost got a large tree through it once, and I know people who have had large dents put in their cars by falling branches, but lethality is generally played up. That said you do need to be prepared, but where you're moving is basically the middle of suburbia so you're basically fine. Probably more to worry about from on of Sydney's epic storms (http://www.australiasevereweather.com/photography/photos/2007/1210jd03.jpg) than the plants or animals.

Don't know about maggies - of all the various animals that have attacked me over the years they're not on the list :p


Another very useful (http://youknowyouareaustralianwhen.tumblr.com/) (or bewildering) guide to Australia.

The biggest thing you have to watch out for up parramatta way is the locals, there was a chemical spill up the river a decade or so ago and its turned them all funny....or even funnier.

So yeah, in Australia, even Sydney harbour is trying to kill you.

[White Tiger88]

And you'd been convicted of a crime.

Hey what me and that Shark did was are own business!

Also wouldn't that make it easier for me to get into aussy?

[Wildeybeast]

Depends. If you're white you should be fine, if not you can expect to find yourself 'relocated' to new Papua New Guinea.

[daboarder]

Depends. If you're white you should be fine, if not you can expect to find yourself 'relocated' to new Papua New Guinea.

Well that was fun while it lasted......

[White Tiger88]

Depends. If you're white you should be fine, if not you can expect to find yourself 'relocated' to new Papua New Guinea.

Im set. I am so white vampires stop and go "DAMN!"

[Wolfshade]

So yeah, in Australia, even Sydney harbour is trying to kill you.

True story:
http://resources2.news.com.au/images/2013/01/03/1226547/279010-130104-rubber-duck.jpg

[White Tiger88]

True story:
http://resources2.news.com.au/images/2013/01/03/1226547/279010-130104-rubber-duck.jpg

WEllllll then

http://i1358.photobucket.com/albums/q763/White_Tiger88/970027_638558786155540_661833300_n_zps0bfa2dd4.jpg (http://s1358.photobucket.com/user/White_Tiger88/media/970027_638558786155540_661833300_n_zps0bfa2dd4.jpg .html)

[Daemonette666]

Just remember when you go riding your bicycle to wear your safety helmet with a pair of eyes painted onto the rear of it. Magpies tend to avoid swooping if they think you are looking at them.

They stop work on some Telecommunications towers in areas of Queensland and Northern NSW during the short part of Summer when Plovers or other such birds are nesting on the tower's crown because they swoop at the tower workers.

[daboarder]

plovers have to be the dumbest animals in existence, only thing I've ever seen repeatedly try to nest on an airfield.

[Wolfshade]

Also silly law that you have to wear your cycle helmet, despite the evidence being less than cut and dry.

http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/bailiff-to-come-calling-after-sue-the-cyclist-heads-for-helmet-showdown-20120302-1u857.html

[daboarder]

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-09-11/rampaging-kangaroo-crashes-through-window-of-echuca-home/4951030

[White Tiger88]

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-09-11/rampaging-kangaroo-crashes-through-window-of-echuca-home/4951030

The fu.....that is pretty cool to be honest I WANT ONE THROUGH MY WINDOW! (All we get hear are BMW's with asian drivers through windows.....no really)

[eldargal]

Hehe, Echuca sounds like something a Jawa would say.

[White Tiger88]

Hehe, Echuca sounds like something a Jawa would say.

HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NICK NAME! (Jawa....i try to sell\trade things randomly.........and like a good...MARTINITTIIIII!)

[Wolfshade]

I just had a different imagine in my mind when it referred to a northern Victorian man:
http://hopeliesat24framespersecond.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/jane-eyre.jpg

[DarkLink]

Also silly law that you have to wear your cycle helmet, despite the evidence being less than cut and dry.

http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/bailiff-to-come-calling-after-sue-the-cyclist-heads-for-helmet-showdown-20120302-1u857.html

Reminds me of an article from Chico CA a few years ago. College student wrote for his school news paper, and advocated dropping seatbelt laws because it was a personal risk. He died when he was ejected from his vehicle in a car crash. Irony.

[Wolfshade]

Reminds me of an article from Chico CA a few years ago. College student wrote for his school news paper, and advocated dropping seatbelt laws because it was a personal risk. He died when he was ejected from his vehicle in a car crash. Irony.

There is a significant difference, while all research shows that use of seatbelts is indeed useful in all collisions, helmets are only "useful" where head trauma is involved, and the evidence that they do any benefit is not without criticism

A good article is here: http://www.2tg.co.uk/assets/docs/article_documents/cycle_helmets_a_duty_to_wear_-_7_3_12.pdf
(The author is a regular cyclist and QC who usually wears a helmet)

While seatbelts do reduce injuries the mandatory helmet in Australia has not reduced head injury .

A recent Canadian study suggests that if you argue that cyclists should wear helmets then there is an arguement that they should wear full body armour.

[DarkLink]

Is your argument really 'not all bike crashes cause head injuries, so helmets are useless'? And if you want to throw out a red herring about body armor, why dont we make cars illegal. Driving fast kills more people than just about anything but heart disease, cancer, and old age.

[daboarder]

that old age is wrong, it very rarely kills people. Usualy they die due to complications caused by old age

:p

[Wolfshade]

Is your argument really 'not all bike crashes cause head injuries, so helmets are useless'? And if you want to throw out a red herring about body armor, why dont we make cars illegal. Driving fast kills more people than just about anything but heart disease, cancer, and old age.

No, the argument is that the "evidence" for helmets reducing injury is at best unclear at worst a fallacy. Each country that has mandatory cycle helmets has not seen a reduction in head injuries/severity of injuries to cyclists. In fact, each country that has mandated them has seen a decrease to the number of people that cycle which is ultimately costs the economy more. Unlike the introduction of manadtory helmets for motorcyclists and seatbelts for cars, all of which have seen a large decrease in injury/severity since they were introduced.

Also, take my ride in today, I averaged 16 mph with a top speed of 43mph, the helmet that I wear meets all national standards as recommended, however is only rated to survive an impact of up to 12.1mph, so if I were to have a crash and I were to impact my head there is no guarantee that the helmet would provide any benefit what so ever.

Also driving fast doesn't kill people, what causes collisions is having a wide degree of speeds, there is a thing in traffic enginerring called the solomon curve which shows the minimum collision rates occur where there is no speed difference, so while fatal crashes are more common at high speed it is the difference between the average and the high speed where the issue comes from.

Making cars illegal would certain have huge benefits, get people walking so you increase their fitness, decrease obesity have a huge boon to mental and physical well being, decrease days lost because of abstentism so greater productivity, healthcare costs would be reduced because of the decline of overweight complications, increase use of public transit systems would drive the cost down, decrease environmental issues, decrease the demand for petrol, thus oil, thus reducing the cost per barrel so manufacturing would be able to produce cheaper goods. It's win-win, as long as you live in a sufficiently populated area to have transit systems... it is also never going to happen.

[daboarder]

wait, you accept that a motorcycle helmet works buy cushioning the brain and preventing injuring from impacts correct?

So why does the physics behind that not translate to a cyclist helmet...come on wolf!

And yes speeding is dangerous, because regardless of how fast the traffic around you is going the road, trees, walls and houses around you are always going to be relatively stationary.

[Psychosplodge]

Bike helmets aren't made to the same standards of motorbike helmets?

[Wolfshade]

wait, you accept that a motorcycle helmet works buy cushioning the brain and preventing injuring from impacts correct?

So why does the physics behind that not translate to a cyclist helmet...come on wolf!

And yes speeding is dangerous, because regardless of how fast the traffic around you is going the road, trees, walls and houses around you are always going to be relatively stationary.

I agree in principle that helmet usage should decrease injury/fatality rates but this is not what the evidence tells us, because the introduction of mandatory helmets has not reduced the frequency of head trauma or the severity. http://www.bmj.com/content/332/7543/722.1.reprint
Now this is not the case with mopeds and motorbike helmets where there is decreased fatality rates and by a considerable rate.

if you look at Holland for example helmet use is approaching 0, indeed a native friend of mine tells me you can spot tourists as they are the only ones who wear them and they have far fewer injuries and far fewer fatalities than other areas. Indeed the evidence is that the best way to prevent injury to cyclists including head injury is to improve the infrastructure.

We must conclude that cycling is good for society and not just the individual. Each person who cycles is one less person on the road contributing to congestion and tailpipe emissions, less road wear and then there are the less well defined benefits that are associated with a healthier population, most noticably on the healtcare systems. Indeed the All party parlimtary group was told that for each £1 invested into cycling infrastrcutre would yeild a £4 saving on the NHS.

Indeed I hate citing Holland so often in these debates but they have one of the higest proportion of cycling and cycling investment, but the believe that the cost benefits of mass cycling in reducing traffic jams, pollution and road maintenance costs and boosting health that the economy made a 35p profit for every mile travelled by bike instead of by car.

So we must do everything to boost cycling in our cities, evidence is clear where mandatory helmets are enforced the number of cyclists decreases.

So it comes down to this, by not mandating helmet use you enable more people to cycle and the economy has a huge benefit because of this. By making cycling as easy as possible you increase the numbers who do it, and by that you reduce the numbers of incidents. People may still choose to wear helmets but it is their choice. I people do not wear helmets and die that is their own choice not to do so, but we should not blame them, any more than we blame the victim of a stabbing for not wearing a stab jacket.

For what it is worth my own experiance is that the majority of other cyclists I see wear helmets, high-viz and have lights/reflectors. Indeed I myself do, even though I am not convinced that the helmet would save me.

[Kaptain Badrukk]

Solution, cycle while wearing a motorcycle helmet and jacket!
I'm sure that makes sense.

[Wolfshade]

Solution, cycle while wearing a motorcycle helmet and jacket!
I'm sure that makes sense.

No, add an extra two wheels for increased stability, and surround with a metal cage. As this may weigh the cyclist down add an engine to help them...

[Psychosplodge]

No, add an extra two wheels for increased stability, and surround with a metal cage. As this may weigh the cyclist down add an engine to help them...

That's how I cycle, don't bother with the helmet though...

[Wolfshade]

That's how I cycle, don't bother with the helmet though...

You should do, it lowers the risk of pederstrains coming through your windscreen giving you brain injury...

[Kaptain Badrukk]

You should do, it lowers the risk of pederstrains coming through your windscreen giving you brain injury...

Unless they're wearing helmets! Helmets with spikes!

[Psychosplodge]

You should do, it lowers the risk of pederstrains coming through your windscreen giving you brain injury...

I'd never worried about that till now :eek:

[daboarder]

Remember this thread?

Yeah Australia is still trying to kill us all.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-10-18/nsw-bushfire-emergency-live/5030288

[Wolfshade]

Remember this thread?

Yeah Australia is still trying to kill us all.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-10-18/nsw-bushfire-emergency-live/5030288

It gets better:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-24649197

Meanwhile the military said it was co-operating with a fire services probe that found an exercise using live ordnance started the State Mine fire

[eldargal]

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrevaq06pU1qhwkhho1_500.png
Teehee.

[Psychosplodge]

I should never have linked actual pages...

:rolleyes:

[Psychosplodge]

http://i41.tinypic.com/2czv5g2.png
http://i41.tinypic.com/28in76g.gif
http://i42.tinypic.com/14bkvur.gif
http://i39.tinypic.com/jj72ae.gif

[daboarder]

you need to watch out, they will also kick you into the water and try that for ****s and giggles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdign-Doj2A

[Psychosplodge]

you need to watch out, they will also kick you into the water and try that for shiggles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdign-Doj2A

That's hilarious for everyone not that guy...

[daboarder]

yup

[Mr Mystery]

http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4548994355496294&pid=1.7

[eldargal]

http://media.tumblr.com/b152f46ee7c017235768ce6eaf7bd546/tumblr_inline_mwhbpbN6Fv1qdch8n.jpg

[Gotthammer]

http://i256.photobucket.com/albums/hh185/psilocynic/fry-1.jpg

[eldargal]

http://media.tumblr.com/bf6edfc3638b20b2572e6797ccf326ed/tumblr_inline_mwhbpmzuKY1qdch8n.jpg

[Gotthammer]

Kangaroos: kinda a bunch of big ugly jerks.

Wallabies are much cuter:

http://www.anhs.com.au/images/agile+joey0893.jpg


There was a Sydney to Melbourne bike race on recently and one of the riders was knocked out when he ran into two Wombats. At the same time Not sure how you hit two simultaneously but they are basically one of the worst things to ever run into on the road.

[Kirsten]

come to the Isle of Man, we have wallabies without all the awful deadly creatures.

[Psychosplodge]

You have wallabies?
Apparently there may or may not be some on in the peak district, there was at one time, but no one knows if there's any left.

[Brakkart]

There's wallabies living wild in the Norfolk Broads as well, have been for years. Friend went on a canal boat holiday there and got a hell of a shock seeing them.

[daboarder]

You have wallabies?
Apparently there may or may not be some on in the peak district, there was at one time, but no one knows if there's any left.

Give they can survuve in Australia I doubt there's much round your way that can kill them off

[Kirsten]

You have wallabies?

not personally, but yes

[Psychosplodge]

There's wallabies living wild in the Norfolk Broads as well, have been for years. Friend went on a canal boat holiday there and got a hell of a shock seeing them.

That's so cool.


Give they can survuve in Australia I doubt there's much round your way that can kill them off

The cold was the suggestion when they hadn't been seen for a few years.


not personally, but yes

When you put it like that you make it sound like a disease.

[Wolfshade]

I've eaten kangaroo but not wallaby, do they taste similiar?

Also ashes first test, I am forlorn! Brilliant bowling attack, now that is dangerous.

[Gotthammer]

Lots of wallabies are endangered here, so no eating them.

[Wolfshade]

:(

[Psychosplodge]

How come, when you have plagues of 'roos don't you?

[Gotthammer]

Wallabies are tiny and cuddly, and as demonstrated 'roos will murder you and your family for fun. Also introduced pests like foxes and rabbits do things like eat them and their food, and habitat destruction affects them more.

[Psychosplodge]

Ah. I see.
Does that mean its difficult to get one as a pet?

[Gotthammer]

Somewhat more on the side of impossible :p

[Psychosplodge]

That seems rather inconvenient.
I imagine they'd do a good job of keeping the lawn in check.

[Wolfshade]

Guinea pigs do the same job...

[Psychosplodge]

But they aren't as cute.

[Wolfshade]

Really?
http://theblueroomblog.org/wp-content/uploads/url3.jpeg

[Psychosplodge]

Yes really.

[Morgrim]

It's much, much easier to get a pet kangaroo. The problem with kangaroos is that you have to raise them from a joey, it doesn't work trying to make friends with an adult. If you're in country areas and know what you're doing orphaned joeys aren't that rare, the trick is that they're babies and you'll need to spend the first few weeks getting up every few hours during the night to bottle feed them.

[Psychosplodge]

Oh dear, thats far too labour intensive in a pet.

[daboarder]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/problems-only-australians-can-understand

[Psychosplodge]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/1522211_10151856160036009_1042135730_n.jpg

[Psychosplodge]

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014-01/enhanced/webdr02/30/17/enhanced-buzz-24195-1391119749-27.jpg

[Psychosplodge]

http://i60.tinypic.com/2hdzoti.jpg

[daboarder]

http://i60.tinypic.com/2hdzoti.jpg

most of us didn't vote for that guy

[daboarder]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/simoncrerar/pictures-that-prove-australia-is-the-craziest

you guys will love that list

[Wolfshade]

I think the company that brought us sharknado and stonado could make a couple of other films from that list...

[Psychosplodge]

http://i59.tinypic.com/w1fakn.gif

[Gotthammer]

http://37.media.tumblr.com/5713b03f67c001e834bb885d565084e8/tumblr_n686x9pvdu1shmle6o1_500.jpg


Tony Abbott confuses local swimmer for a boat and goes in for the kill.

From the Abbot Chronicles (http://theabbottchronicles.tumblr.com/).

[Necron2.0]

I used to live in the arctic (born there, actually), where every day-to-day circumstances are rated in how many seconds you can survive it. Stand outside without a coat? Dead in under a minute. Fall in the ocean without survival gear? Dead in 6 seconds. Get wet? Hypothermic in under 10 seconds, dead in under a minute.

Friends and I used to joke it was just Mother Nature's way of saying she took us seriously - didn't take us for some soft, silly, pampered, city-living house pets. After all, you only actively try to kill what you consider a legitimate threat.

So, there you go. Australia isn't a death world, it just takes you seriously.

[daboarder]

Because we haven't had a reminder of how awesome this place is for a while, I give you hillarity


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m3N_BnVdOI

[eldargal]

16ft long cannibal sharks chomping their way (http://sploid.gizmodo.com/mystery-solved-heres-the-animal-that-ate-the-9-foot-gr-1587429691) through Australia oceans apparently

[daboarder]

16ft isnt even that big. mature adults grow to roughly 20 ft, with the females getting even bigger

[eldargal]

some people in the comments were saying maybe they meant 16m but then that seems waay too big?

[daboarder]

it is.

8m are the largest recorded sightings....which is still bloody HUGE

the tagged shark was only 2-3 m long and was a juvenile

[daboarder]

Even the trucks will get you :p

Australia, largest, heaviest and longest road trains in the world


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb5d6ISHoMU

[Gotthammer]

http://38.media.tumblr.com/db7f5b00d336c8bc3579f03d70022d97/tumblr_n692tu4grL1rc7zl1o1_400.gif http://37.media.tumblr.com/dd8c8de436499b5b30c14153680224c7/tumblr_n692tu4grL1rc7zl1o2_400.gif

http://38.media.tumblr.com/af410d0e89797f7f05f07d36416610e4/tumblr_n692tu4grL1rc7zl1o3_400.gif http://37.media.tumblr.com/2a0d537f157df3446e7a14e4e757f186/tumblr_n692tu4grL1rc7zl1o4_400.gif

How to catch an emu.


http://youtu.be/Ej0ZO79Aqxw


LET ME TELL YOU A THING
THIS IS A LEGIT THING
THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT PEOPLE DO TO GET EMUS TO COME CLOSE
Apparently you lie on the ground on your back and move your arms and legs.
And the emus are very curious and come over like, “The **** is that.”
And that’s literally what it is. They come over wondering what the **** you’re doing

[eldargal]

Seems legit.

[Morgrim]

I'd wander closer to see what they were doing too. That post reminds me though, has everyone heard of the Great Emu War (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War)? The highly trained Australian Army armed with machine guns, vs an usually large flock of emus. The army lost.

http://img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1390/87/1390872690878.jpg

[Psychosplodge]

Thats unbelievably funny

[eldargal]

I think the words 'Decisive Emu Victory' should be engraved in stone. Seriously a memorial should be erected. A large bronze sculpture, an emu rampant atop a trophy of machine guns. A wingd Victory crowning the emu with a wreath.

[chromedog]

I don't know - it looks like my usual end-of-round stats for any FPS I play. :D

Give me full-auto-rock and roll and aiming is not a necessity. :D

[eldargal]

https://38.media.tumblr.com/97af5a680e2d05ed18b9ee7a61a739a6/tumblr_nax575NxSP1qzcv7no1_500.jpg
The hell Australia? I thought wombats were like dog sized, that's ****ing huge.

[Morgrim]

They are kind of dog sized. Just short, very fat, large dog sized. If it helps, they're a bit bigger and heavier than a european badger. I have no idea why everyone overseas seems to think they're small. Maybe because they're shaped like a guinea pig?

[Psychosplodge]

phew I was worried that was a drop bear then.

[daboarder]

https://38.media.tumblr.com/97af5a680e2d05ed18b9ee7a61a739a6/tumblr_nax575NxSP1qzcv7no1_500.jpg
The hell Australia? I thought wombats were like dog sized, that's ****ing huge.

Yeah they are about 35 kg of muscle

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2010-04-06/wombat-mauls-bushfire-survivor/2602206

EDIT: Whats the story behind the photo, im surprised a wombat let anyone pick it up, they are fast when they want to be

[Psychosplodge]

Do they make good pets? That looks adorable.

[daboarder]

Dunno.probably not. They dig....so like a giant rabbit

[Psychosplodge]

Shame.
Though Oz's export restrictions are tight anyway as well aren't they.

[daboarder]

Shame.
Though Oz's export restrictions are tight anyway as well aren't they.

For native fauna....tight is putting it mildly, I dont think your actually able export them at all


which, no offense, is the way it should be

[Psychosplodge]

Certainly with wild specimens.
But any sort of chipped and registered examples. Though I suppose theres costs and corruption to contend with if that was the case.

[eldargal]

Yeah they are about 35 kg of muscle

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2010-04-06/wombat-mauls-bushfire-survivor/2602206

EDIT: Whats the story behind the photo, im surprised a wombat let anyone pick it up, they are fast when they want to be
Worlds oldest wombat, 29 years old. That's all I remember from when it popped up on tumblr, had no idea they were that big, kind of pictured them as sort of large hedgehogs.

[Gotthammer]

They are big and very resilient. Like there are some cases of them being hit by cars and being fine while the car was a write-off. Even if they don't survive they are so big and solid they will probably wreck your vehicle still.

But yes, womblybats are quite large:

http://resources0.news.com.au/images/2011/04/06/1226034/805240-coco-the-wombat-039-s-joey.jpg

[eldargal]

Are they vicious killers too?:p

[Psychosplodge]

Clearly, they try and kill motorists apparently...

[Gotthammer]

Well they've never killed anyone but they have attacked people and if they charge you can break your legs. What they usually do is go into their burrows and leave their bum facing the attacker as it is thick cartilage and almost indestructible, and if necessary flatten themselves so the predator attempts to climb over them then stand up and squish the attacker against the burrow roof.

[eldargal]

I like wombats.:)

[daboarder]

wombats are boss.

you always need to be careful when camping with pets, because that tunnel trick is no joke, they do that.

[Gotthammer]

I like wombats.:)

totes sensible, they are very cute:

http://zactopia.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/wombat.jpg

[Psychosplodge]

Well they've never killed anyone but they have attacked people and if they charge you can break your legs. What they usually do is go into their burrows and leave their bum facing the attacker as it is thick cartilage and almost indestructible, and if necessary flatten themselves so the predator attempts to climb over them then stand up and squish the attacker against the burrow roof.

Oh we've found the Australian equivalent of the Swan.

[eldargal]

Swans are delicious.

[Psychosplodge]

Treason!

[Wolfshade]

Swans are delicious.

#swan*****

[completeHook]

This beast was just trolling about at a small picnic area overlooking a (at that point disappointingly dry) waterfall in New South Wales.

10910

It didn't try to kill us, but seeing a six foot plus monitor lizard just in the wild just doing it's thing was fantastic.

[Psychosplodge]

Cool. I've only seen one that big on a lead before.

[daboarder]

used to see them all the time at my place, those, blue tongues and dearded dragons.


Just need to watch out for the dogs around them, money goes to the goana in that fight

I must say though, of all the animals I've wanted as a pet over the years, this one still fascinates me

http://karumba.qld.au/assets/image/1232934327-wedgetail_eagle_13_small_.jpg?width=448&height=336

yes that is a full sized kangaroo (eastern grey not big red)

[Morgrim]

I doubt the wedgetail killed it though, just because it's on the road and they normally go for joeys. Wedgetail eagles are beautiful birds though.

[Wolfshade]

Oh it's a photie of a bird on roo action, I see!

[Mr Mystery]

Britain of course has quite possibly the most inoffensive wildlife in the world.....

It's almost as if we as a people were so hard and rock and street that all the vicious animals ran away....

[Wolfshade]

We had adders...

[Mr Mystery]

had......

Bears and Wolves too....

[Wolfshade]

Have adders even.

[eldargal]

So apparently Australia makes up for having everything wanting to kill you with things like this:
https://31.media.tumblr.com/07b25911172f47023771094744f77789/tumblr_n9xpqvbGzd1qgykbzo1_1280.jpg
Opalised fossils.>< 97% of opals come from Australia and I have decided I need to own more of them.

[Gotthammer]

Opals are gorgeous :

http://www.roywmacdonald.com/siteimages/Opals%20of%20the%20world.jpg


& if anyone's looking to propose to me an opal ring would not be a bad choice ;)


And opal mining looks really fun... (http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/dirty-jobs/videos/finding-fault-s.htm)

[Wolfshade]

They are called starburst now...

[eldargal]

Meanwhile, off the coast of Australia:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlwvRURK2eg
(no idea where the video actually is, but those creepy things are usually found off the coast of Antarctica which Australia owns a bug chunk of or something so whatevs)

[Kirsten]

if anyone's looking to propose to me an opal ring would not be a bad choice ;)


I will bear that in mind

I see no opal fruit on the list, where do they come from?

[eldargal]

https://31.media.tumblr.com/9dc996c5bc0dd70a611bbbb388c9034b/tumblr_nctdw0dEFe1qkbhyjo1_500.jpg

[Gotthammer]

That was a wild ride from start to finish :p


https://40.media.tumblr.com/cc1c08f001f105175534ad5f6512397b/tumblr_mwgek1wLl31qgxt9mo1_1280.png

[Gotthammer]

https://38.media.tumblr.com/de875701799e640d0b4ca47d00cd0a08/tumblr_ncvh9xKFdw1t3cfsio4_250.gif

https://33.media.tumblr.com/82968130d4fd49233aa9a57add4f1eb8/tumblr_ncvh9xKFdw1t3cfsio2_250.gif

https://33.media.tumblr.com/e80334a2668f9885b9def570ebaaea1f/tumblr_ncvh9xKFdw1t3cfsio1_250.gif

https://33.media.tumblr.com/b87271b9ce77b754830ffb12bf00c843/tumblr_ncvh9xKFdw1t3cfsio3_250.gif


Apparently the man was fishing and accidentally hooked the great white shark, but cut it loose; then he realized the poor thing was beached. What you don’t see here is what’s possibly the most awesome part: he realized the shark still had his hook in its mouth and went to the effort of removing the hook.

From the mouth of a live, distressed great white shark.

Which he then got back into the water and set free.

His name’s Shane Cox, and he’s a pretty damn awesome Australian for that.

[Anthrax ion pusscabe]

11401
Straya

[daboarder]

11402

[Morgrim]

https://scontent-b-hkg.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1654374_10152895155752868_7998502023262490434_n.jp g?oh=3a6bbb67b6a17836235ffca8b73e1b36&oe=54B18E26

[Gotthammer]

October 2013:

http://resources2.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227091/164698-0b8edeb2-53eb-11e4-b50f-96f6ad28209c.jpg

http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227091/165267-164c7ee0-53eb-11e4-b50f-96f6ad28209c.jpg

http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227091/164847-0e07684e-53eb-11e4-b50f-96f6ad28209c.jpg




October 2014:

http://images.smh.com.au/2014/10/13/5875004/LR-storm-gall-20141013185232264460-600x400.jpg

http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227090/748255-89ef63d0-53d2-11e4-9218-e84af2eb3da1.jpg

http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227090/759829-b3de9ab4-53d5-11e4-9218-e84af2eb3da1.jpg

http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227090/880287-77f716b8-53e7-11e4-b50f-96f6ad28209c.jpg

http://images.smh.com.au/2014/08/18/5687631/DP-Rain18-20140818185346370246-940x628.jpg

http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227090/700153-6334e66c-5395-11e4-a40d-833ddda6a9b8.jpg

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/10/14/1413300203235_wps_25_Snow_in_the_Blue_Mountain.jpg

[Psychosplodge]

October 2013:

http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227090/748255-89ef63d0-53d2-11e4-9218-e84af2eb3da1.jpg

http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2014/10/15/1227090/759829-b3de9ab4-53d5-11e4-9218-e84af2eb3da1.jpg


You're going to tell me sharks live in that water too aren't you?

[Anthrax ion pusscabe]

Theres a photo I saw during the 2011 Brisbane flooding of a shark shaped shadow swimming through the water infront of a store, but the Brisbane river is filled with sharks at the best of times, so they just dispersed through the extra water

[Psychosplodge]

See I knew it.

[Gotthammer]

Well this is in Sydney and freshwater so no sharks.

Probably.

[Anthrax ion pusscabe]

Bull sharks don't acure that far south but they can live in freshwater there whole life, infact theres a population on the freshwater side of a levy I saw on monster fish

- - - Updated - - -

Or was it rivermonster

[eldargal]

It's only a matter of time before they infest Australian freshwater systems.

[Psychosplodge]

Turn on the tap, suddenly shark...

[Wolfshade]

Like a sharknado...

[Anthrax ion pusscabe]

Bull sharks are also native to most of indeansia, Africa and parts of south and north america

[daboarder]

http://mobile.news.com.au/technology/environment/map-of-shark-movements-on-australia-day-prove-animals-share-the-busy-waterway/story-e6frflp0-1226121711604
Theres a photo I saw during the 2011 Brisbane flooding of a shark shaped shadow swimming through the water infront of a store, but the Brisbane river is filled with sharks at the best of times, so they just dispersed through the extra water

Thats an understatement. ...they were found a couple of hundred kilometers inland....in the mountains. ...

- - - Updated - - -

Bi and yes. You DO get bulls in sydney harbour...typically theres 10-20 I the harbou itself at any given tims



- - - Updated - - -

http://m.couriermail.com.au/questnews/logan/sharks-at-carbrook-golf-club-caught-on-film-confirming-they-survived-brisbane-floods/story-fn8m0u8i-1226633099573?nk=0fc03a1dd6598f59e59b19e3a75e8345

A golf course in brissy

[Psychosplodge]

Australia is insane...

[Tyrendian]

well that's hardly newsworthy... :D

[Psychosplodge]

Does Oz actually have anything thats just cute and not dangerous?

[eldargal]

Georgina Haig and Ashleigh Cu mmings.

[Psychosplodge]

:eek:

I meant of the small and fluffy variety :rolleyes:

[eldargal]

Apparently the possums are small and fluffy and cute without being venomous or otherwise murderous? Personally I suspect they are playing a long game and lulling people into a false sense of security.

[Psychosplodge]

They're biding their time while they evolve venom?

[40kGamer]

What about Koalas? They appear to be cute and fluffy.

[Mr Mystery]

Apparently the possums are small and fluffy and cute without being venomous or otherwise murderous? Personally I suspect they are playing a long game and lulling people into a false sense of security.

Distraction. Cute, fluffy distraction, allowing something poisonous to job you. They then share the feast.

So effective, no witnesses or survivors.

[Psychosplodge]

What about Koalas? They appear to be cute and fluffy.

But what if its a dropbear?

[40kGamer]

But what if its a dropbear?

Eep! I would hate to be the first recorded fatality of a Koala from the mirror universe!

[Morgrim]

Australia actually has quite a few small, cute, fluffy and mostly harmless critters. Here I am defining 'mostly harmless' as 'threat level similar to a lone pet rabbit or house cat', given that as an aussie my definitions may be skewed.

Bilby (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greater_bilby): About the size of a rabbit, very shy nature, eats insects and roots. Since rabbits are hated by farmers here it's not unusual to see chocolate Easter Bilbies instead of Easter Bunnies.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/bilbies/images/c_bilbies_at_night_5.JPG

Numbat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Numbat): Cute stripy little termite eaters. That only have tiny little stub teeth and aren't strong enough to hurt you. No, they are not poisonous OR venomous.

http://www.greenfudge.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/numbat-endangered-species-arkive.png

Ringtail Possum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_ringtail_possum): Only dangerous if you are a rosebush or a fruit tree. Or possibly the only tall object around when your dog is chasing the terrified possum, but you'd get similar scratches if your dog was chasing a cat. (These are NOT the ones that end up in your roof making a racket, those are brushtails.)

http://australianmuseum.net.au/Uploads/Images/3834/Ringtail(leaning)PC_big.jpg

[Gotthammer]

Does Oz actually have anything thats just cute and not dangerous?

*waves* :p

[Psychosplodge]

Australia actually has quite a few small, cute, fluffy and mostly harmless critters. Here I am defining 'mostly harmless' as 'threat level similar to a lone pet rabbit or house cat', given that as an aussie my definitions may be skewed.

Bilby (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greater_bilby): About the size of a rabbit, very shy nature, eats insects and roots. Since rabbits are hated by farmers here it's not unusual to see chocolate Easter Bilbies instead of Easter Bunnies.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/bilbies/images/c_bilbies_at_night_5.JPG

Numbat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Numbat): Cute stripy little termite eaters. That only have tiny little stub teeth and aren't strong enough to hurt you. No, they are not poisonous OR venomous.

http://www.greenfudge.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/numbat-endangered-species-arkive.png

Ringtail Possum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_ringtail_possum): Only dangerous if you are a rosebush or a fruit tree. Or possibly the only tall object around when your dog is chasing the terrified possum, but you'd get similar scratches if your dog was chasing a cat. (These are NOT the ones that end up in your roof making a racket, those are brushtails.)

http://australianmuseum.net.au/Uploads/Images/3834/Ringtail(leaning)PC_big.jpg

ok they'll do.
Sugargliders are yours as well aren't they?



*waves* :p

*waves back*

:D yeah I had to add small and furry after EG went down that route with australians...

[Gotthammer]

Depends what I'm wearing really ;)

[eldargal]

*googles chibi koala onesies*

[Morgrim]

Yep, sugar gliders are aussie too. Which is why it is so baffling that they're apparently popular pets overseas, because those have GOT to be the inbred offspring of the few that survived being smuggled out by wildlife poachers (since they've only become popular in recent years and have been illegal to export for longer).

[daboarder]

Yep, sugar gliders are aussie too. Which is why it is so baffling that they're apparently popular pets overseas, because those have GOT to be the inbred offspring of the few that survived being smuggled out by wildlife poachers (since they've only become popular in recent years and have been illegal to export for longer).

The american ones are apparently from New Guinea.

Still rather pisses me off though.

http://www.news.com.au/world/australias-sugar-gliders-at-the-mercy-of-americans/story-e6frfkyi-1225848361180

That being said, I;ve always had a soft spot for the US lady taking care of the disabled kangaroo

Heres another one for you guys.

Bandicoots

11522

[Wolfshade]

*waves* :p

It's a lie! [The "not dangerous" part obvs.]

[daboarder]

Kangaroo Vs Drone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFWUlObSgn0

[Psychosplodge]

https://38.media.tumblr.com/47d4f451c878b29d8873bc736120a9ca/tumblr_nhqh35segD1qkc9uso1_1280.jpg

[chromedog]

http://mobile.news.com.au/technology/environment/map-of-shark-movements-on-australia-day-prove-animals-share-the-busy-waterway/story-e6frflp0-1226121711604

Thats an understatement. ...they were found a couple of hundred kilometers inland....in the mountains. ...

- - - Updated - - -

Bi and yes. You DO get bulls in sydney harbour...typically theres 10-20 I the harbou itself at any given tims



- - - Updated - - -

http://m.couriermail.com.au/questnews/logan/sharks-at-carbrook-golf-club-caught-on-film-confirming-they-survived-brisbane-floods/story-fn8m0u8i-1226633099573?nk=0fc03a1dd6598f59e59b19e3a75e8345

A golf course in brissy

There are usually different species within the harbour/around it depending on how far up you go.

You get great whites, hammerheads and some other sharks out by the heads.
Inner mouth of the harbour is Tiger territory (about 1/3 of the way to the bridge/opera house) and then the "inner" harbour itself is mostly bull sharks due to their tolerance of the brackish water (and different swim bladders that can deal with both fresh and salty - Tigers/GW are generally not as neutrally buoyant in fresh water as salt water - Bulls can do both). You'll get bull sharks all the way up the Lane Cove and Parramatta Rivers (as far as the weir in Parramatta, anyway).

They used to be quite rare in the Olympic precinct area or west due to the remnants of waste dumping on site (The Olympic part peninsula used to be used as a dumping ground for disused power transformers from old power stations, and the PCBs and other heavy metals leached into that part of the river, killing/contaminating the local aquatic ecosystem. Decades of cleanup brought the fish back, and hence the sharks. While bull sharks can deal with silty and brackish water, "dirty" water is something they don't like.

[Rissan4ever]

Kangaroo Vs Drone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFWUlObSgn0

I think that's pretty much the proper response to all drones. Australian wildlife is clearly ahead of the curve on that one.

[daboarder]

So this has gone viral this evening, and I was skeptical, but its too cool not to share.

Have a feeling this one will be played a bit on the 26th


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMdbVHPmCW0

[Gotthammer]

http://youtu.be/YGGTcYfrEZU


For the uninitiated, this is what Magpies are like during “swooping season” here in Australia.

Fun fact: people have been known to walk around with empty ice cream containers on their heads to protect themselves in lieu of helmets.

Things to remember:

1) This is an Australian magpie. it is not like European magpies.It’s not a flappy bappy chirpy little ****bag you can bat away with your palm. This is a ****ing crow in cow makeup

2) Cats and dogs will not try and take them on because cats and dogs know they will lose

3) They live for 25 years and yes, they will remember your face. Although I will confess that my 36 years of life I have never seen a dead one. Under tumblr logic this means they are immortal

4) They are insane. Cold stone bug-**** insane. And they give zero ****s.I’ve seen them attack cyclists, moving cars, trucks, even a ******* train.

So imagine, if you will, you are walking merrily down a street one spring and suddenly this train-assaulting, cow-cosplaying ball of immortal feathers and bat**** insanity comes screaming out of nowhere and tries to embed itself in the back of your skull, beak clacking like the pump of a shotgun as it tears out chunks of your hair.

This is Australia.

[Morgrim]

They're intelligent, they're territorial, and they have good memories. Want to help avoid swooping? Make friends with the magpie clan in question outside of breeding season (they're a bit irrational during breeding season). If you are a known 'safe' human you'll get followed but not swooped. If you chase them or throw rocks at them during any part of the year, they will never leave you alone.

There is a reason swooping is worst near schools, and it's normally down to some children being little ****s.

[Mr Mystery]

They're intelligent, they're territorial, and they have good memories. Want to help avoid swooping? Make friends with the magpie clan in question outside of breeding season (they're a bit irrational during breeding season). If you are a known 'safe' human you'll get followed but not swooped. If you chase them or throw rocks at them during any part of the year, they will never leave you alone.

There is a reason swooping is worst near schools, and it's normally down to some children being little ****s.

Chainsaw seems the appropriate answer.

[Morgrim]

Chainsaw seems the appropriate answer.

Most gum trees are the sort of tree that you have to go up and cut down the big branches before you can safety cut through the trunk. Which means you're up a ladder, with a chainsaw, in the territory of a flock of upset magpies. That does not strike me as an optimal solution.

[Arkhan Land]

Put the fake eyes on the chainsaw!

[Mr Mystery]

Most gum trees are the sort of tree that you have to go up and cut down the big branches before you can safety cut through the trunk. Which means you're up a ladder, with a chainsaw, in the territory of a flock of upset magpies. That does not strike me as an optimal solution.

I was more meaning swinging wildly at the thieving little monochrome *******s. Right in the little ******* faces.

[eldargal]

https://41.media.tumblr.com/a223c68b9c6bcc7686664370a2d30f5e/tumblr_njz02rek2L1qc9rcno1_1280.jpg
https://41.media.tumblr.com/e55ec498e61ed2e908d9ecd70aeabd03/tumblr_njz02rek2L1qc9rcno2_1280.jpg

Hello, welcome to Australia, may I interest you in a 10kg ball of spikes falling without warning? It’s okay though, you’ll know if you’ve stepped under one: they carpet the ground in spikes.


Anything you can do I can do better, anything you can do I can MAKE IT BIGGER AND HEAVIER PUT SPIKES ON IT AND MAKE IT VENOMOUS PROBLY **** YEAH

[Psychosplodge]

four foot snakes, even the trees want to do you in?

[daboarder]

fun fact, Australia has the highest fatality rate for tourists out of all first world countries

[Mr Mystery]

fun fact, Australia has the highest fatality rate for tourists out of all first world countries

I've seen Wolfcreek :p

[eldargal]

https://40.media.tumblr.com/c2c74b3b69c291c7a5a0f8bc3a4cbd0a/tumblr_nk3jgeBbtO1rua4ofo1_1280.jpghttps://36.media.tumblr.com/8ca15b9b861ffb6f75622d639cf63c86/tumblr_nk3jgeBbtO1rua4ofo2_1280.jpg

SO THE CYCLONE IN QUEENSLAND RIGHT NOW IS DUMPING SHARKS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD
Now that's just showing off.

Hollywood: 'You know what would be ever so droll? A humorous film about a shark filled tornado'
Australia: '*cracks knuckles* Great idea mate'

[Psychosplodge]

https://40.media.tumblr.com/d4731b8c86f59e988d48237a791461eb/tumblr_nizdjfwSXu1tlhj4zo1_540.png

[daboarder]

http://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/unified-weapons-master-future-fighting/

In Australia even the people want to kill you, sorta

[Mr Mystery]

Sorry dude.

Poles beat you (and each other round the head) to it!

Check out the Polish Knights Fighting League.....

[daboarder]

thats more like european martial arts in the way that a karate tournament is eastern martial arts.

The idea behind the above is that you dont pull punches so to speak.

dontget me wrong, I respect the European martial arts guys, I really do, but its not quite the same

[Mr Mystery]

Oh this stuff is full body contact.

There's videos on YouTube, and they're mental. Sadly, iPad doesn't like copying links for some reason.

[daboarder]

i've seen them, but theirs a difference to what their doing and putting the point of a warhammer in your opponents visor....but details really

EDIT: on a side note, if you are genuinly interested in accurate discussion and portayals of European martial arts may I recommend the Skallagrim Youtube channel. I found it quite by accident, but it is very good and theres always something interesting to watch on it

[Houghten]

http://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/unified-weapons-master-future-fighting/

In Australia even the people want to kill you, sorta

Their suit is called the Lorica.

I want a big heavy version with a featureless faceplate and a lightning gun!

[eldargal]

That's a bit wussy honestly, my reenactment group does metal weaponry while wearing wearing historically accurate kit not namby pamby carbon fibre armour. There are Australian groups that do it too. This stuff seems like the swordfighting equivalent of American football honestly.

[Gotthammer]

Remember that time you almost died?? >.< :p

[eldargal]

That was one time.><

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

At least you didn't get killed by your own organs failing to work. xD

[Morgrim]

Not everything here is trying to kill you! Some of the spiders are friendly.

http://www.hrtwarming.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/1100.jpg
http://www.hrtwarming.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/237.jpg

[eldargal]

Nifty.

[Mr Mystery]

See, I'm not freaked out by big spiders. It's the tiddly ones that make me scream like a Banshee then go fetch the Dyson.

[eldargal]

Big'uns is slower and easier to squidge.

[Psychosplodge]

Just no.
very very no.

[Gotthammer]

Hunstmen are still a pain sometimes, like when they decide the printer is a perfect place to live :/

[Rissan4ever]

Hunstmen are still a pain sometimes, like when they decide the printer is a perfect place to live :/

When you find them in the printer, do they claim to be from Tech Support?

[eldargal]

'Looks like you need a new ink cartridge guvnor, that'll be four hundred pounds plus VAT'
'WHY IS THERE A GIANT SPIDER IN THE PRINTER'
'Oi no need to bring species into it'

[Morgrim]

Big'uns is slower and easier to squidge.
Not if they're huntsmen, those have to be some of the fastest and more agile spiders around.

[eldargal]

Still easier than a fast moving ickle spider.:p

[daboarder]

http://thechive.com/2015/03/07/australia-the-land-of-everything-that-will-kill-you-and-kangaroos-35-photos/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=chivetrafficfacebook

- - - Updated - - -


Not if they're huntsmen, those have to be some of the fastest and more agile spiders around.

Or funnel webs. Thise run so fast that for years people thought they jumped when they attack....think about that for a sec

[Mr Mystery]

Pfffffffrt.

Here in Britain, we knacked, brayed and indeed chinned all the dangerous wildlife :p

[eldargal]

To be fair that was like 10 bears and a half dozen lions three thousand years ago, and a few wolves too idk.

[Morgrim]

Britain is also considerably smaller and overall more hospitable. Much of Australia will kill you just fine on its own long before you can wage Exterminatus on a bit of wildlife.

[Mr Mystery]

All our offensive wildlife went to Australia.

We followed.

No, I have no evidence :p

[daboarder]

Been a while since we've seen something good in here.

But this is probably a fairly typical reaction to almost getting eaten by a shark

https://www.facebook.com/MeanwhileInAustraliaOfficial/videos/1474559652763143/?comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22O%22%7D

[Paintingplasticcrack]

That's hilarious :D
Help mate or film his near death and laugh ? Yeah second option. Pretty much sums up blokes the world over.

[Psychosplodge]

Surfer leaps off board and punches shark (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/video_and_audio/must_see/33588228)

[daboarder]

Surfer leaps off board and punches shark (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/video_and_audio/must_see/33588228)

Note: Fellow aussie surfer swims TOWARDS said shark

[Psychosplodge]

It looked like a big ****er as well

[daboarder]

yeah, that fin is HUGE

[daboarder]

Ok

SO apparently we werent happy having the only cephalapod that is poisonous to humans, we had to have the only crustacean as well.

http://www.9news.com.au/technology/2013/10/25/12/36/worlds-first-venomous-crab-found-in-wa

[Morgrim]

Oh come on, it's kinda fun living on a Death World. Always something to talk about.

Koala chasing dairy farmer (http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/koala-chases-dairy-farmer-as-she-herds-cows-on-a-quad-bike/story-e6frg6n6-1227485884454)

(Warning, autoplay video.) So, apparently a jilted koala can do a pretty good job of keeping up with a motorbike when they want to.

[daboarder]

Oh come on, it's kinda fun living on a Death World. Always something to talk about.

Koala chasing dairy farmer (http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/koala-chases-dairy-farmer-as-she-herds-cows-on-a-quad-bike/story-e6frg6n6-1227485884454)

(Warning, autoplay video.) So, apparently a jilted koala can do a pretty good job of keeping up with a motorbike when they want to.

HAHAHA DAMN, that Koala is determined!!

Probably was the bike giving a fair imitation of a koala's cry.

[Psychosplodge]

Is Oz a real place? Or are you really just a horror story to scare people away?

[Brakkart]

Ohh this is too funny, and terrifying at the same time!


https://video-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xat1/v/t42.1790-2/11987253_839087512909114_1926703098_n.mp4?rl=300&vabr=158&oh=72f4cf5367a112b43e860657b5992bcf&oe=55E6F9B3

[Psychosplodge]

Their faces are priceless

[eldargal]

So Australians are like earths krogan I guess.

[40kGamer]

Their faces are priceless!

Question for our friends down under. One time I decided to hike a 'closed trail' in the Appalachian mountains in the eastern US and I came across a cliff that had thousands of spiders that had built a colony web that stretched from the forest floor up to about 20 feet on the cliff face. The only way forward was to hike the dead zone behind the webs. I have mild Arachnophobia but was able to push through the 50-60 foot of trail that was entirely behind the web wall. Looking out the web was full of fat grey spiders with 3-4cm bodies and 6cm or so leg spans. In 20 years and thousands of miles of hikes I've never seen anything like this. Does Australia have anything like this to offer up? It would be nice to see a big spider colony up close again... even if it's just for the adrenaline rush it would give me. :p

[eldargal]

Looks like it (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2012/03/pictures/120307-spiderwebs-australia-floods-wagga-wagga-world-science/)

[40kGamer]

Yikes! They really do have everything!

[Morgrim]

I've never heard of a spider wall you can hike behind here.

But the orb weavers like building their webs across trials, so there are plenty of invisible spider walls you can hike through.