Where can we send our ne'er-do-wells?

[Wildeybeast]

So, a random (very tongue in cheek) thought experiment here on how we can fix broken Britain. In the past we have shipped our religious fanatics off to the new world and they've made a thriving nation out of it, whilst the convicts who went down under not only managed to find some habitable bits but have also made a nice little country that does us the courtesy of not only playing all the silly sports we invented, but also being considerably worse than us at them. It would seem that forced resettlement is the making of our undesirables, whilst also improving wherever they are dumped (unless you are one of the natives, but such is the price of progress) whilst generating significant revenues for the motherland (until they get all uppity about taxation without representation and not being allowed to exterminate the natives).

So two questions;

1) Who should we select to form our brave new colony?
2) Where in the world (or even off it!) would benefit most from the influx of the most 'enterprising' citizens of Britain?

[Gotthammer]

The sun.


/isconvictdescendent

[DrLove42]

Anyone who does not acheive 5 A-C GCSE's (its really not that feckin hard) should go to India and Pakistan. Not in the military. They've sent enough of their population here, we should pay them some back

[Wolfshade]

[tongue in cheek]

1) Anyone with an IQ in two digits or lower
2) This is more tricky, what we need is somewhere that is (arguably) British soverign territory and without an indegious population, I think we have learned our lessons from the "Australian Experiment", so somewhere like South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands or British Antarctic Territory (though that might upset the Argies but their military hasn't been upgraded since the Falklands conflict, which even then they were out classed and the Chilians)

[/tongue in cheek]

I sometimes think it would be easier to hand pick useful people and move them to a new UK instead. Maybe make an artificial island somewhere temperate.

[Wildeybeast]

Leave good ol' Blighty? Never! My suggestion was going to be anyone who has been on Jeremy Kyle (guest or audience member, both are guilty by participation) and Afghanistan. There is a wealth of opium there just waiting to be exploited, it's about time we refocused on what made us Great and that is trade and exploitation of natural resources, not all this financing nonsense. Plus, they already play cricket (badly) out there so that box is ticked as well.

[Mr Mystery]

No way. We can troll Argentina and Spain by filling up the Falklands and Gibraltar respectively with all the Burberry clad scratters we can round up, then hand the territories back....

Trololololololololol!

[Wolfshade]

Yeah but the Falklands look pretty and Gibraltar, well it is strategically important for access to the Med so we need functional people there.

How about turning these as yet to be defined ne'r do wells into a source of renewable energy, a la matrix.

Anyone else slightly uncomfortable that we are planning social cleansing, sounds like a 1930s thing to me...

[Denzark]

What about we clear off the Isle of Wight/Isle of Mann and have it as some restricted access area, as in Escape from New York? (Prolly have to be IoW as my mates on IoM would get upset...)

[Wolfshade]

Kirsten might get upset with using the IoM also.

Rockall?

[Deadlift]

Rounding them up is the easiest bit, just grab anyone leaving a "farm foods" super market. Job done.

[Wildeybeast]

Yeah but the Falklands look pretty and Gibraltar, well it is strategically important for access to the Med so we need functional people there.

How about turning these as yet to be defined ne'r do wells into a source of renewable energy, a la matrix.

Anyone else slightly uncomfortable that we are planning social cleansing, sounds like a 1930s thing to me...

Well the Soylent Green route is a last resort. Plus their infrastructure investment. My plan doesn't involve any fatalities (well, not too many) and we can just dump them somewhere, so it is cheap. Hell, we can tell them it is holiday and fly them RyanAir, so they even pay for their own flights!

[Wolfshade]

No catapult :(

[Mr Mystery]

Stick 'em down t'mine!

[Psychosplodge]

Surely they could be stuck in camps where they could concentrate on achieving the required 5 a-c GCSEs?

[Daemonette666]

Well firstly, the colony down under, that is Australia, plays those silly sports better than jolly old Blighty (had to get that one in for my dear sweet and thriving country).

Secondly, how about all the population who tend to end up needing subtitles in order to be understood, and who seem to be in prison most of the time, or shooting each other, can help start colonies along the coast line of the UK, in under sea cities.

That or they go to Antarctica and discover a new form of Energy such as Element 270 which they can use to power their Steam Punk style ships and aircraft, and start a world war against most of the world, while Australia splits into Royal Australia and the Commonwealth of Free Australia. Sounds strangely familiar, where did I get that from? Hhmmm.

[daboarder]

How about we actually do something useful with those people and send them to mars

[Wildeybeast]

Well firstly, the colony down under, that is Australia, plays those silly sports better than jolly old Blighty (had to get that one in for my dear sweet and thriving country).

Your current Ashes humiliation does not support that assertion. :p

[eldargal]

Your current Ashes humiliation does not support that assertion. :p
To be fair they have won it more often than we have.

[Deadlift]

Well firstly, the colony down under, that is Australia, plays those silly sports better than jolly old Blighty (had to get that one in for my dear sweet and thriving country).

Yep your medal haul at the Olympics was very impressive last year :)

[Wildeybeast]

Ssh, don't spoil the Aussie baiting EG. Besides everyone knows all that matters is who is currently the best.

[Psychosplodge]

To be fair they have won it more often than we have.

And the mighty Blades could have been far more influential in football if it wasn't for the Boer war....

[daboarder]

nah, knew they we're gonna lose this test, I mean who can be bothered to play when even the english WEATHER is out to get them?

[Wildeybeast]

You knew rain was forecast for the final day of the third test, you shouldn't have batted for so long. It's actually quite sad to see such a poor Australian side, I can't remember anything like it in my lifetime. When did you get so desperate that you had to fast track foreigners for Australian citizenship?

[daboarder]

...oh that is IT!! I don't deserve this kind of abuse on this forum from you or anyone.







:D


Yeah I dunno mate, crickets all frakked up down here at the moment, word is the culture of the team is absolutely septic.

[Wolfshade]

Well firstly, the colony down under, that is Australia, plays those silly sports better than jolly old Blighty (had to get that one in for my dear sweet and thriving country).

The latest Lions tour does not support that assertion.

To be fair something is wrong when we are winning at sports, even the silly ones we made up, plus the lovey summer we have had. It is madness. Thankfully, some sense has come about and I am back to wearing a jumper, it is only August...

I am concerned that by getting rid of these undesirables we end up being wiped out by an unclean phone handset...

[Wildeybeast]

Yeah, I think it is probably the first sign of the apocalypse Wolfie. I wouldn't worry about germs, given how few doctors can manage to wash their hands properly.

[daboarder]

Its global warming, all the seasons are inverting, therefore it makes sense that the skills are inverting as well.....right?

[Wildeybeast]

About as much sense as anything else that has happened of late.

[Daemonette666]

Ssh, don't spoil the Aussie baiting EG. Besides everyone knows all that matters is who is currently the best.

That is it WildeyBeast. I challenge you to a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock, followed by Klingon Boggle.

We shall see who plays those Silly little games the British invented all those years ago. Yes the British lay claim to those 2 ancient games form hundreds of years ago. Sheldon Cooper went back in time using his newly developed time machine and introduced them to the British empire.

You do not have to believe me, but it is true (at least in one or two alternate dimensions). LOL

[daboarder]

interesting fact about germs.

No one on the planet is bothering to research new antibiotics anymore, therefore its likely that by, I believe 2022, All currently used antibiotics will no longer be effective due to resistivity. Now the scary part is, that it takes a lot more than ten years of research to get antibiotics, or indeed any medicine, from the conceptual stage to general public availability.

[Wildeybeast]

That is it WildeyBeast. I challenge you to a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock, followed by Klingon Boggle.

We shall see who plays those Silly little games the British invented all those years ago. Yes the British lay claim to those 2 ancient games form hundreds of years ago. Sheldon Cooper went back in time using his newly developed time machine and introduced them to the British empire.

You do not have to believe me, but it is true (at least in one or two alternate dimensions). LOL

Hah, if he had then we would all be playing the Spock version, rather than the traditional three object version. I see you that challenge and raise it to game of conkers.

[Denzark]

Your current Ashes humiliation does not support that assertion. :p

Neither does their Lions Tour results... Nor Wimbledon... Yes, it has been a bumper year still I believe the Aussies are ahead at ...Aussie rules football...

[daboarder]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Football_International_Cup

NOPE!

[Wolfshade]

Is Ozzie Rules a bit like a more civilised version of Hand Egg?

(I have only seen it on neighbours)

But Daboarder you are right about anti-biotics, there is no money in it so people don't bother with it.

[Psychosplodge]

interesting fact about germs.

No one on the planet is bothering to research new antibiotics anymore, therefore its likely that by, I believe 2022, All currently used antibiotics will no longer be effective due to resistivity. Now the scary part is, that it takes a lot more than ten years of research to get antibiotics, or indeed any medicine, from the conceptual stage to general public availability.

Make a lot more money making the new viagra...

[Phototoxin]

Surely they could be stuck in camps where they could concentrate on achieving the required 5 a-c GCSEs?

That would indeed be a Solution, to a Problem. If it worked it would be the Final one that's required.

[Daemonette666]

Is Ozzie Rules a bit like a more civilised version of Hand Egg?

(I have only seen it on neighbours)

But Daboarder you are right about anti-biotics, there is no money in it so people don't bother with it.


Aussie Rules was originally called Victorian Football League (VFL), but just like the change with the WWF to become the WWE, VFL is now known as AFL Australian Football League.

Since I was born in Godsland, Queensland), I call it Aerial Ping Pong, which Victorians hate. That stems from a rule in the game where if you catch the ball after it has been kicked but before it bounces, then you can walk back and line up to lick the ball back towards the opposing team and they can not tackle you until you pass the point where you caught the ball. This is called marking the ball. With this rule we Queenslanders joke that you can keep marking the ball all match with no one ever scoring any tries. Very much like most of World War 1.

I am not into ball based team sports much, in fact I am not into racing, and many of the macho type sports people sit and watch in front of the TV and get like "Norm" (from a TV ad series about getting fat and lazy). If I had to choose a sport to support, it would be Rugby League.

[Wolfshade]

It is official then, it shall be known as Aerial Ping Pong (or APP for short).

(Also, last time I checked Queensland wasn't part of Yorkshire...)

[Psychosplodge]

If I had to choose a sport to support, it would be Rugby League.


So you're into your yaoi then :D

[Wildeybeast]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Football_International_Cup

NOPE!

How does anyone lose to Ireland at anything? I also notice there were some British players competing. I nominate those traitors, along with anyone caught playing those silly American sports, for the resettlement programme.

[Psychosplodge]

How does anyone lose to Ireland at anything? I also notice there were some British players competing. I nominate those traitors, along with anyone caught playing those silly American sports, for the resettlement programme.

Sounds reasonable.

[Wildeybeast]

Aussie Rules was originally called Victorian Football League (VFL), but just like the change with the WWF to become the WWE, VFL is now known as AFL Australian Football League.

Since I was born in Godsland, Queensland), I call it Aerial Ping Pong, which Victorians hate. That stems from a rule in the game where if you catch the ball after it has been kicked but before it bounces, then you can walk back and line up to lick the ball back towards the opposing team and they can not tackle you until you pass the point where you caught the ball. This is called marking the ball. With this rule we Queenslanders joke that you can keep marking the ball all match with no one ever scoring any tries. Very much like most of World War 1.

I am not into ball based team sports much, in fact I am not into racing, and many of the macho type sports people sit and watch in front of the TV and get like "Norm" (from a TV ad series about getting fat and lazy). If I had to choose a sport to support, it would be Rugby League.

What competitive advantage does licking the ball give you? Is it like when Jonny Wilkinson does that weird thing with his hands (and beats Australia)?

[daboarder]

What competitive advantage does licking the ball give you? Is it like when Jonny Wilkinson does that weird thing with his hands (and beats Australia)?

I think its what Harry Kewell does with his feat, when he beats england.

[Deadlift]

I think its what Harry Kewell does with his feat, when he beats england.

I'm quite we've got players who have scored more international goals in one year than he has his whole career :D