Losing, Onlookers and Tempers

[ForeverHero]

So this weekend, I was playing a new person to our group and I ran into a little problem; not with the player but with the onlookers.

I’ve got a hearing problem, almost completely deaf in the left ear, so I try to focus what people are saying and I get a little frustrated at times when it gets really noisy. So most of the other players had wrapped up their games and were sitting at the end of our table watching us finish up. They kept talking over on another and after a while it became such a distraction that I couldn’t focus on what my opponent was saying; didn’t help that I was losing but it was more frustrating not being able to hear him.

Due to my frustration, I got a little pissed and asked them to quiet down or go in the other room; wasn’t too polite about it either. This worked but after a few minuets it started up again but this time it quieted down after a minute or so and we continued our game. I eventually lost the game but the incident put me in a grumpy mood for the rest of the night.

The thing that bothers me the most is losing my temper like that and looking like a jerk or worse. I keep wondering if my reaction would have been different had I been winning the game instead of losing.

My question is how many of you have been in a similar situation and how did you react? Do you think I overreacted?

Cheers,

FH

[Sangre]

Depends on the group dynamic, really. Among friends it shouldn't really be a problem. If it's a more formal occasion such as in a store then staff should be on hand to deal with it.

[ggg]

I once lost my rag with an observer who kept stating rules> I knew the rules, I did not need his comments and he was not assisting the game. The game was in the balance and it was REALLY annoying so I was rude to him after he did not register the inital comments.

I have also lost my temper with another onlooker who was acting as a cheerleader for my opponent. He was constantly chipping in comments, advice and challenging my moves. I observed he was being a partisan and that he was disturbing my game and that this was not a team match.

In both these instances the conduct of people outside the game were disturbing my game- the reason I was there - while they had no real reason to be there. I think that if you are not playing, you are there as a polite observer and it is vital that you do not disturb the players - they take priority.

I entirely understand your loss of temper and I think the guys sound like they were being inconsiderate. Games can be tense and demanding and they do require concentration.

[sketchesofpayne]

I usually respond with sarcasm to point out errant behavior. Based on the examples above:

"Thanks 3PO, It very helpful to have the entire rule book recited to me as I play!"

"Does your friend just want to take over? He seems more into this than you are."

Responses like this usually seem to work better than just asking them to stop for some reason. It's probably subtly mean on my part, but by making them feel foolish about their behavior they either tone it down or stop.

[Jay Biga]

I usually respond with sarcasm to point out errant behavior. Based on the examples above:

"Thanks 3PO, It very helpful to have the entire rule book recited to me as I play!"

"Does your friend just want to take over? He seems more into this than you are."

Responses like this usually seem to work better than just asking them to stop for some reason. It's probably subtly mean on my part, but by making them feel foolish about their behavior they either tone it down or stop.

Some may consider it passive aggressiveness, but your 3PO line cracked me up!

[ForeverHero]

"Thanks 3PO, It very helpful to have the entire rule book recited to me as I play!"



I'm going to have to remember that one... :D

[ggg]

[QUOTE=sketchesofpayne;33895]I usually respond with sarcasm to point out errant behavior. Based on the examples above:

"Thanks 3PO, It very helpful to have the entire rule book recited to me as I play!"

"Does your friend just want to take over? He seems more into this than you are."

QUOTE]

Sketches of Pyne - I salute you.:cool:

I think you have demonstrated that a sense of humour and style are nearly always the answer. I very much regret that I lack both qualities when my last scoring unit faces a charge from Nob Bikers, for example- so I'm afraid I'm going to to have to steal your lines and use them when I feel the rage comming on...

I did hear another player use a funny line about notorious Spanish Grand Tournament Team play being much like a ventriloquist's doll show with there being only one logical place where the hand could be inserted ... but ... ah well.

My parents are teachers so I should have the withering sarcasm down pat, but alas - no. I simply have Nerd rage.

[ForeverHero]

I think you have demonstrated that a sense of humour and style are nearly always the answer. I very much regret that I lack both qualities when my last scoring unit faces a charge from Nob Bikers, for example- so I'm afraid I'm going to to have to steal your lines and use them when I feel the rage comming on...

I did hear another player use a funny line about notorious Spanish Grand Tournament Team play being much like a ventriloquist's doll show with there being only one logical place where the hand could be inserted ... but ... ah well.

My parents are teachers so I should have the withering sarcasm down pat, but alas - no. I simply have Nerd rage.

Yeah, usually I'm a sarcastic ******* as well but for the life of me none of it came to mind when I got upset; must have been my frustration level at the time overriding the sarcasm part of my brain.

Nerd Rage … I must admit that I've never heard that one before or maybe I just chose to block it out ;)

[BuFFo]

The thing that bothers me the most is losing my temper like that and looking like a jerk or worse.

Learn to control your temper because it does make you into a jerk.

Losing your temper because someone hit your sister or stole your car is one thing, but this isn't the case.


I keep wondering if my reaction would have been different had I been winning the game instead of losing.

Of course it would have.


Do you think I overreacted?

Yes, you did overreact.

Did the other people know of your hearing problem?

[doublek666]

Sure, you ove reacted. But when people are just "hanging" out in a gaming area, not painting, reading, buying or playing, it is annoying. Get your own table, it will change your game! You can always play at a store any time you want, but playing at home is the best. Playing competeively is great, but you can have a lot more fun with story driven campaings, or special missions and objectives, using expansions, etc. then trying to "win" at the game store with people looking on and telling you what models you should buy, criticizing your list or moves, etc. The early books emphasized building your own tables and terrain. There were no GW stores around my area 10 years ago. Now there is a prevalent MAGIC/on-line gamer mentality of consumerism and unquenchable thirst to "win at all costs", usually being at the expense of other gamers. So, starting out at the game store to learn is fine, but a true gamer will have his own wars on his table on his terms. I've learned a lot more with my friends having battles at our own houses on our own tables, than I did in the Game store environment, worrying about getting a table or finishing a game( or haing to ask to use the bathroom), not to mention the crowds, and dare I say it- the smell of unwashed nerd ***!

[gorepants]

Gotta say, maybe a bit of an overreaction, but totally understandable. They were in the wrong for being jerks, but you sunk a little to their level. But you're OK because you realised this and that's just as important.

I used to teach undergraduate computer science and now I hate students. I used to get angry but I would put on my polite face and ask (in a somewhat strained voice) if they wouldn't mind not talking and the forced politenes would usually work. Though the arms covered with tatoos probably helped :). After that it escelates to calling them 'mate' or 'son' and possible adding a 'listen' to it, then if that failed I'd tell them to shut up get the **** out of my class and stop teaching till they did (but I would also walk into a lab and say 'Anyone no it my class out. Now.' so maybe I'm a bit hard on people in those situations).

Part of this escalation is to give them fair chance to fix their behavior, the other is it's an excelent way to gain some self control. If you have this happen again, I'd start off with an 'excuse me, but would mind keeping it down, I'm partially deaf' (polite but blunt, make them feel bad about them selves - it's shameless but sometimes people need a shock to realise what they are doing; I am assuming that you're OK with people you meet knowing this of course). Then you can raise them a 'seriously guys' and ask a staff member to have a word to them. Unless you know the offenders I'm not sure sarcasm will work as well (at least as an opening gambit) since it's a little passive aggressive and may just put people off side, rather than letting them know (directly) what the problem actually is.

Also helps to appolgise to anyone who you were a jerk too. A bit of niceness might rub off on them :)

[ForeverHero]

Well, I appreciate everyone’s candor in responding to my topic and you’ve definitely given me something to think about for the future. To answer the question about my hearing problem, most people know that I have a problem but I’ll admit that there are several new members to the gaming group that are probably not aware it. It’s now something that I really bring up in conversation all the time; after all I’m 38 yrs. old so I feel old enough as it is :)

Thx,

FH

[RocketRollRebel]

watching is fine but unwanted commentary can get extremely irritating. I used to have a bad habit of doing that but I got help and I'm better now.

[Orkimedes]

Yeah it really depends on the group you game with. When dealing with sideline hecklers and backseat rhino drivers I prefer taking a direct approach, however a polite one. If you walk up to a group or person, look them right in the eye, and tell them directly that: 1)My time is precious and I really love the hobby, however you are spoiling the game for me by a)stating unnecessary comments or b)helping my opponent. 2)If you would like to play sometime that would be awesome, but right now I'm playing against Space Wolves-shreads-my-face-off guy and I would really like to keep the noise down so I can focus. c)Not to be rude but would you mind if him/her and I finish this game without too much interference?

If all this fails then the old go to is this...Hey man I am really thirsty, aren't you? Tell you what I got 5 dollars here begging for a soda(water, coffee, lemonade, w/e). If you go buy me one then please take the change and get you one. When dealing with anyone less than 20 years old this always, always works.

The goal has to be to enjoy the hobby and if words fail then by all means quench your thirst and shut their comments down by filling their mouth with liquid refreshment. Who knows get one for your opponent too and maybe make some friends.

[Commissar Lewis]

Yeah, sideline commentary can be annoying. I try to avoid it when I'm at a store. I mean, I watch a game and chat a bit with the players, but I make sure I don't criticize moves, lists, or models. I mean I'll compliment a cool looking model and ask how they did it or compliment an awesome move here or there, but I keep my interfering to a minimum.

On topic, I'd suggest in future situations like that just tell them the truth that you're partially deaf and they're making it hard for you to hear the game. Blunt yes but sometimes the straight truth is best.