Wolfshade
04-02-2013, 05:03 AM
The day of fools (also, Philip Schofield's birthday, you can draw what conclusions you like from that) has been and gone and once again we have been "blessed" with a variety of witty stories.
It is worth noting that the more reputable sources have to ensure that whatever story they report as their "fool" must be inoffensive and not too serious in case the great unintelligencia do not realise the jape.
Some stories that should be fools but aren't (worryingly)
Courses in 'Harry Potter' and 'ethical hacking' offered by universities
(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/9963922/Courses-in-Harry-Potter-and-ethical-hacking-offered-by-universities.html)
Undergraduates can learn about Griffindor and Slytherin – and what they teach about prejudice and intolerance – during the education studies course at Durham, it was revealed.
This is based on work by the consumer magazine Which? who were looking at the more unusal degrees available in the UK.
(http://conversation.which.co.uk/money/unusual-university-courses-degrees-harry-potter-ethical-hacking/)
http://conversation.which.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/unusual_degrees.png
The racist menace? Muslims declare victory in fight over ‘anti-Islamic’ Lego
(http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/the-racist-menace-muslims-declare-victory-in-fight-over-antiislamic-lego-8555610.html)
Austria’s Turkish community claimed a victory in its fight against Danish toy giant Lego yesterday after the firm agreed to withdraw a Star Wars toy set featuring a mosque-like building inhabited by an obese, hookah–smoking alien, following complaints that it was anti-Muslim.
German flea circus hit by freeze
(http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21991622)
A flea circus in Germany has been scrambling to replace its performers after the entire troupe was wiped out by this spring's freezing weather.
Circus director Robert Birk told the BBC he found some 300 fleas dead inside their transport box last week.
It was the first time the cold had killed a whole troupe in one go.
A university insect expert, Professor Heinz Mehlhorn, managed to provide 60 replacement fleas in time for a performance at an open-air fair.
Nasa’s cunning plan to bag an asteroid
(http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/science/space/article3727898.ece)
Nasa is planning a $2.6 billion robotic mission to catch an asteroid in a giant bag and tow it to the Moon as part of a long-term programme that could one day lead to the permanent settlement of humans in space.
The US space agency has included $100 million in its 2014 budget request, due to be announced next week, to start planning the project.
Ant & Dec score FIRST number one with Let's Get Ready To Rhumble
(http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/ant-dec-number-one-lets-1795439)
It was only supposed to be a laugh when Ant & Dec transformed into their 90s alter-egos and performed their pop-rap fusion track Let's Get Ready To Rhumble on LIVE telly last week.
But obviously the oversized hockey jerseys and flat peak caps have inspired the nation because the cheeky duo bagged their first ever UK number one.
Police in £20million injury claims bonanza as backlash grows over WPC demanding £50K from burglary victim for tripping over kerb
(http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2302068/Police-20million-injury-claims-bonanza-backlash-grows-WPC-demanding-50K-burglary-victim-tripping-kerb.html)
Police officers are pocketing more than £20million a year in personal injury claims.
They are instructing ‘ambulance-chasing’ lawyers to sue over mishaps on duty such as slips, trips and animal attacks.
Officers are being encouraged to make the claims by a hotline run by the Police Federation. Much of the £42million paid out over the past two years is taxpayer-funded
This Bradford housewife says she was raised by monkeys, but is her story just bananas?
(http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2302108/Marina-Chapman-Bradford-housewife-says-raised-monkeys-story-just-bananas.html)
Mrs Chapman, a grandmother who was born in Colombia in the Fifties, says she spent five years of her childhood living with a ‘family’ of the tree-dwelling monkeys in the north-east of the country.
In a memoir published later this month, she says she was four years old when kidnappers abducted her from the garden of her family home and left her for dead in a rainforest.
David Cameron wades into swamp to rescue sheep
(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/9964348/David-Cameron-wades-into-swamp-to-rescue-sheep.html)
The prime minister became the hero of the hour when he plunged waist-deep into a swamp to save a ewe that got stuck in the mud.
Cameron was on his way home from visiting a neighbouring farmer near his house in Chipping Norton when he heard a sheep bleating at around 6pm.
He discovered the ewe immersed in the muddy swamp, after she had followed her two lambs in to save them, both of whom drowned.
Churchill nearly didn’t marry Clemmie
(http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/news/uk/article3727874.ece)
His marriage survived two world wars and endured for 56 years. Little wonder that Sir Winston Churchilll believed “my most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me”.
Yet according to a new account, his wedding to his beloved “Clemmie” was almost cancelled by his bride in a fit of jealous rage just days before the ceremony. The reason? Her groom had taken a holiday in Scotland with another woman
World's largest Easter Bunny... with a whopping great food bill
(http://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/388492/World-s-largest-Easter-Bunny-with-a-whopping-great-food-bill)
The bouncy bunny, over 3ft long and larger than the average three-year-old child, wolfs down around £50 of food each week.
His daily diet is based around cabbage, broccoli, two types of sweetcorn, cucumber, carrots, dried watercress, apples, brown bread, cream crackers, swede and a helping of Weetabix.
Ralph first won the largest rabbit title in 2010 but was then overtaken by fellow Continental Giant breed Darius from Worcester, who took the title last year weighing three and a half stone.
Now East Sussex-born Ralph has forged ahead again after tipping the scales at 3st 8lb.
and now the fakes...
Russian deputy proposes garlic ban
(http://themoscownews.com/politics/20130401/191396285/Russian-deputy-proposes-garlic-ban.html)
A member of the nationalist LDPR party has introduced a bill banning garlic consumption in public places, citing the herb’s negative effects on the health of Russia’s citizens and the economy.
Zuma makes space for China's Xi in Nkandla
(http://mg.co.za/article/2013-04-01-zuma-makes-space-for-chinas-xi-in-nkandla)
Diplomatic sources, who were not authorised to comment officially, told the Mail & Guardian that China's President Xi Jinping and President Jacob Zuma sealed a new bilateral deal on the sidelines of the Brazil, Russia, India, China and South Africa (Brics) summit in Durban last week.
The deal provides for the aggressive enlargement of Zuma's rural homestead in Nkandla and will include a new residence for Xi, his family, and entourage.
Swedish archaeologists find Thor's Hammer
(http://www.thelocal.se/46930/20130401/#.UVlgVjdqQeh)
Archeologists called to the depths of the Citybanan tunnel project in Stockholm were stunned to find what they believe to be Mjölnir, the hammer of Norse lightning god Thor.
Crusader Kings Z
(http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.576640399021139.1073741826.131237343561449&type=1)
Paradox have launched screenshots of their new sequel to Crusader Kings II, Crusader Kings Z, set in the same time period as Crusader Kings, with this reimaging players will need to deal with the growing zombie menance sweeping forth across Europe
Football Manager 1888
(http://www.footballmanager.com/1888/)
The latest addition to the world's favourite football management simulation goes back to where it all started, in the very first season of the Football League.
The latest version of the iconic football management game offers players the chance to put their skills to the test in the very first season of the English Football League. Managers are given the option of taking over any of the original 12 clubs involved in the 1888/89 season and guiding them to league and cup glory.
Web licence to be compulsory for ALL internet users
(http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/shopping/2013/04/50-web-licence-to-be-compulsory-for-all-internet-users)
Internet users have been dealt a huge blow after documents leaked to MoneySavingExpert.com reveal EVERYONE who browses the web will have to buy a yearly internet licence from next April, or face a hefty fine.
The likely £50/year licence will be imposed on anyone who accesses the internet, be it on a computer, mobile, tablet or via their TV.
Google Nose
(http://www.google.com/landing/nose/)
Google NoseBETA leverages new and existing technologies to offer the sharpest olfactory experience available:
Street Sense vehicles have inhaled and indexed millions of atmospheric miles.
It is worth noting that the more reputable sources have to ensure that whatever story they report as their "fool" must be inoffensive and not too serious in case the great unintelligencia do not realise the jape.
Some stories that should be fools but aren't (worryingly)
Courses in 'Harry Potter' and 'ethical hacking' offered by universities
(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/9963922/Courses-in-Harry-Potter-and-ethical-hacking-offered-by-universities.html)
Undergraduates can learn about Griffindor and Slytherin – and what they teach about prejudice and intolerance – during the education studies course at Durham, it was revealed.
This is based on work by the consumer magazine Which? who were looking at the more unusal degrees available in the UK.
(http://conversation.which.co.uk/money/unusual-university-courses-degrees-harry-potter-ethical-hacking/)
http://conversation.which.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/unusual_degrees.png
The racist menace? Muslims declare victory in fight over ‘anti-Islamic’ Lego
(http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/the-racist-menace-muslims-declare-victory-in-fight-over-antiislamic-lego-8555610.html)
Austria’s Turkish community claimed a victory in its fight against Danish toy giant Lego yesterday after the firm agreed to withdraw a Star Wars toy set featuring a mosque-like building inhabited by an obese, hookah–smoking alien, following complaints that it was anti-Muslim.
German flea circus hit by freeze
(http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21991622)
A flea circus in Germany has been scrambling to replace its performers after the entire troupe was wiped out by this spring's freezing weather.
Circus director Robert Birk told the BBC he found some 300 fleas dead inside their transport box last week.
It was the first time the cold had killed a whole troupe in one go.
A university insect expert, Professor Heinz Mehlhorn, managed to provide 60 replacement fleas in time for a performance at an open-air fair.
Nasa’s cunning plan to bag an asteroid
(http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/science/space/article3727898.ece)
Nasa is planning a $2.6 billion robotic mission to catch an asteroid in a giant bag and tow it to the Moon as part of a long-term programme that could one day lead to the permanent settlement of humans in space.
The US space agency has included $100 million in its 2014 budget request, due to be announced next week, to start planning the project.
Ant & Dec score FIRST number one with Let's Get Ready To Rhumble
(http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/ant-dec-number-one-lets-1795439)
It was only supposed to be a laugh when Ant & Dec transformed into their 90s alter-egos and performed their pop-rap fusion track Let's Get Ready To Rhumble on LIVE telly last week.
But obviously the oversized hockey jerseys and flat peak caps have inspired the nation because the cheeky duo bagged their first ever UK number one.
Police in £20million injury claims bonanza as backlash grows over WPC demanding £50K from burglary victim for tripping over kerb
(http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2302068/Police-20million-injury-claims-bonanza-backlash-grows-WPC-demanding-50K-burglary-victim-tripping-kerb.html)
Police officers are pocketing more than £20million a year in personal injury claims.
They are instructing ‘ambulance-chasing’ lawyers to sue over mishaps on duty such as slips, trips and animal attacks.
Officers are being encouraged to make the claims by a hotline run by the Police Federation. Much of the £42million paid out over the past two years is taxpayer-funded
This Bradford housewife says she was raised by monkeys, but is her story just bananas?
(http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2302108/Marina-Chapman-Bradford-housewife-says-raised-monkeys-story-just-bananas.html)
Mrs Chapman, a grandmother who was born in Colombia in the Fifties, says she spent five years of her childhood living with a ‘family’ of the tree-dwelling monkeys in the north-east of the country.
In a memoir published later this month, she says she was four years old when kidnappers abducted her from the garden of her family home and left her for dead in a rainforest.
David Cameron wades into swamp to rescue sheep
(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/9964348/David-Cameron-wades-into-swamp-to-rescue-sheep.html)
The prime minister became the hero of the hour when he plunged waist-deep into a swamp to save a ewe that got stuck in the mud.
Cameron was on his way home from visiting a neighbouring farmer near his house in Chipping Norton when he heard a sheep bleating at around 6pm.
He discovered the ewe immersed in the muddy swamp, after she had followed her two lambs in to save them, both of whom drowned.
Churchill nearly didn’t marry Clemmie
(http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/news/uk/article3727874.ece)
His marriage survived two world wars and endured for 56 years. Little wonder that Sir Winston Churchilll believed “my most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me”.
Yet according to a new account, his wedding to his beloved “Clemmie” was almost cancelled by his bride in a fit of jealous rage just days before the ceremony. The reason? Her groom had taken a holiday in Scotland with another woman
World's largest Easter Bunny... with a whopping great food bill
(http://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/388492/World-s-largest-Easter-Bunny-with-a-whopping-great-food-bill)
The bouncy bunny, over 3ft long and larger than the average three-year-old child, wolfs down around £50 of food each week.
His daily diet is based around cabbage, broccoli, two types of sweetcorn, cucumber, carrots, dried watercress, apples, brown bread, cream crackers, swede and a helping of Weetabix.
Ralph first won the largest rabbit title in 2010 but was then overtaken by fellow Continental Giant breed Darius from Worcester, who took the title last year weighing three and a half stone.
Now East Sussex-born Ralph has forged ahead again after tipping the scales at 3st 8lb.
and now the fakes...
Russian deputy proposes garlic ban
(http://themoscownews.com/politics/20130401/191396285/Russian-deputy-proposes-garlic-ban.html)
A member of the nationalist LDPR party has introduced a bill banning garlic consumption in public places, citing the herb’s negative effects on the health of Russia’s citizens and the economy.
Zuma makes space for China's Xi in Nkandla
(http://mg.co.za/article/2013-04-01-zuma-makes-space-for-chinas-xi-in-nkandla)
Diplomatic sources, who were not authorised to comment officially, told the Mail & Guardian that China's President Xi Jinping and President Jacob Zuma sealed a new bilateral deal on the sidelines of the Brazil, Russia, India, China and South Africa (Brics) summit in Durban last week.
The deal provides for the aggressive enlargement of Zuma's rural homestead in Nkandla and will include a new residence for Xi, his family, and entourage.
Swedish archaeologists find Thor's Hammer
(http://www.thelocal.se/46930/20130401/#.UVlgVjdqQeh)
Archeologists called to the depths of the Citybanan tunnel project in Stockholm were stunned to find what they believe to be Mjölnir, the hammer of Norse lightning god Thor.
Crusader Kings Z
(http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.576640399021139.1073741826.131237343561449&type=1)
Paradox have launched screenshots of their new sequel to Crusader Kings II, Crusader Kings Z, set in the same time period as Crusader Kings, with this reimaging players will need to deal with the growing zombie menance sweeping forth across Europe
Football Manager 1888
(http://www.footballmanager.com/1888/)
The latest addition to the world's favourite football management simulation goes back to where it all started, in the very first season of the Football League.
The latest version of the iconic football management game offers players the chance to put their skills to the test in the very first season of the English Football League. Managers are given the option of taking over any of the original 12 clubs involved in the 1888/89 season and guiding them to league and cup glory.
Web licence to be compulsory for ALL internet users
(http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/shopping/2013/04/50-web-licence-to-be-compulsory-for-all-internet-users)
Internet users have been dealt a huge blow after documents leaked to MoneySavingExpert.com reveal EVERYONE who browses the web will have to buy a yearly internet licence from next April, or face a hefty fine.
The likely £50/year licence will be imposed on anyone who accesses the internet, be it on a computer, mobile, tablet or via their TV.
Google Nose
(http://www.google.com/landing/nose/)
Google NoseBETA leverages new and existing technologies to offer the sharpest olfactory experience available:
Street Sense vehicles have inhaled and indexed millions of atmospheric miles.