Sound the hunting horn!

[Mr Mystery]

It's game time ladies and gentlemen!

On Saturday, whilst out for drinks, I got chatted up (no really!) by a particularly attractive young woman.

Sadly, little came of it because a) I'm a massive coward when it comes to women b) Cat's 'Tongue Tied' song more or less applies c) She was on a hen night thus unable to sit and talk with me.

But I am not done! Back to Sankey's this Saturday with wingmen, to seek this lovely girl! Bwahahahaha!

[Denzark]

Christ MM to the victor go the spoils, an all tha'. I suggest you read some volumes of Flashman to get some top tips on wenching.

[Brakkart]

Ohh good luck and all that, but your mention of the Tongue Tied song is too good an opportunity to miss, so here it is for the sake of thread completeness and for anyone who's not seen it to educate yourself on what MM is talking about::


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3t3IKlXqFU

British humour at it's finest. Enjoy!

[eldargal]

I love that song.:rolleyes:

[Psychosplodge]

Doesn't wenching just involve hitting them over the head with a big stick and dragging them back to your cave?
Just make sure you drag by the hair, if you drag by the feet the fill up with dirt...

questionably safe for work (http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSCKZou9rrOdFAeSwLK8QBCuIG3AHQYu 3RbHfJGBMq6ncK6wTxq)

[DrLove42]

I'm so glad that i'm never going to have do the single thing again....

[Wolfshade]

Most worryingly: in October 1993; it reached #17

[Psychosplodge]

Next year for xmas number one...

[Wolfshade]

This topic subject reminded me of a crossword clue from last night

"Hunting Instrument (4)".

[spaceman91]

I had no idea it was still called wenching. I thought it was just going out for a night and maybe getting ( in my case very ) lucky

[Mr Mystery]

On this one, provided I pull it off, I'll be batting way above my average!

Onwards and upwards honourable gentlemen. And ladies. Onwards and upwards!

[Wolfshade]

On this one, provided I pull it off, I'll be batting way above my average!

Onwards and upwards honourable gentlemen. And ladies. Onwards and upwards!

I prefer downwards and outwards

[Denzark]

MM - I name-checked Flashman earlier. I found an extract that exemplifies his approach to wenching:

...As she turned to flee, whimpering, I seized her amidships, tossed her into the air, planted her on hands and knees, and was installed before she could budge, roaring feigned endearments to soothe her pretended alarm and bulling away like fury. With two lost months to make up for, I'd no further time to waste on further refinements, nor, I fear, did I treat her with that solicitude which a considerate rider should show his mount, especially when she's barely five feet tall and half his weight. Having slaked what the lady novelists would call my base passion, I staggered up and collapsed on the bed, most capitally exhausted, leaving her prone and gasping on the carpet with her little bottom a-quiver, very fetching, and her hat and veil still in place.

So I recoomend most heartilly this approach to the matter, if it is still in hand - wenching is for champions.

[White Tiger88]

May i suggest using the line "I have 50 shades of grey at my house...."

IF that doesn't work & she doesn't kill you just be nice.

[Denzark]

May i suggest using the line "I have 50 shades of grey at my house...."

IF that doesn't work & she doesn't kill you just be nice.

... And 7 shades of purple in my pants...;)

[White Tiger88]

... And 7 shades of purple in my pants...;)

....End well that would i am sure!

[eldargal]

MM - I name-checked Flashman earlier. I found an extract that exemplifies his approach to wenching:

...As she turned to flee, whimpering, I seized her amidships, tossed her into the air, planted her on hands and knees, and was installed before she could budge, roaring feigned endearments to soothe her pretended alarm and bulling away like fury. With two lost months to make up for, I'd no further time to waste on further refinements, nor, I fear, did I treat her with that solicitude which a considerate rider should show his mount, especially when she's barely five feet tall and half his weight. Having slaked what the lady novelists would call my base passion, I staggered up and collapsed on the bed, most capitally exhausted, leaving her prone and gasping on the carpet with her little bottom a-quiver, very fetching, and her hat and veil still in place.

So I recoomend most heartilly this approach to the matter, if it is still in hand - wenching is for champions.

Ah Flashman, so very non PC.:rolleyes:

[Denzark]

But to be admired surely...

[eldargal]

Well he is an amusing anti-hero. But I don't recommend his approach to women, it nearly got him castrated in Afghanistan afterall.

[Mr Mystery]

And on that note, I'd like to point out a trip to local Knacker Ward is categorically not part of the plan, mmkay!

[White Tiger88]

Well he is an amusing anti-hero. But I don't recommend his approach to women, it nearly got him castrated in Afghanistan afterall.

What about Borat style? You have wedding sack?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftY2p0L8F-Q

[Psychosplodge]

MM - I name-checked Flashman earlier. I found an extract that exemplifies his approach to wenching:

...As she turned to flee, whimpering, I seized her amidships, tossed her into the air, planted her on hands and knees, and was installed before she could budge, roaring feigned endearments to soothe her pretended alarm and bulling away like fury. With two lost months to make up for, I'd no further time to waste on further refinements, nor, I fear, did I treat her with that solicitude which a considerate rider should show his mount, especially when she's barely five feet tall and half his weight. Having slaked what the lady novelists would call my base passion, I staggered up and collapsed on the bed, most capitally exhausted, leaving her prone and gasping on the carpet with her little bottom a-quiver, very fetching, and her hat and veil still in place.

So I recoomend most heartilly this approach to the matter, if it is still in hand - wenching is for champions.

Very...something.

[Mr Mystery]

Bah! She wasn't there tonight....

But the hunt shall continue.

Giving up is for poofs!

[White Tiger88]

Bah! She wasn't there tonight....

But the hunt shall continue.

Giving up is for poofs!

Thats why you plant tracking chips on them.......

[Psychosplodge]

Bah! She wasn't there tonight....

But the hunt shall continue.

Giving up is for poofs!

Yes how difficult could it be to find one girl in the whole of the south?

[Mr Mystery]

Not the whole of the south...

I know she works in Tunbridge Wells, and which street she lives on in Tombridge (just round the corner from my Parents old house).

Happy coincidence, I have this week off work. As such around lunch time I intend to pootle about town, and ensconce within Pret a Manger, and it's ilk....

[White Tiger88]

Not the whole of the south...

I know she works in Tunbridge Wells, and which street she lives on in Tombridge (just round the corner from my Parents old house).

Happy coincidence, I have this week off work. As such around lunch time I intend to pootle about town, and ensconce within Pret a Manger, and it's ilk....

um...you do know that accounts to stalking right?

[Denzark]

Not the whole of the south...

I know she works in Tunbridge Wells, and which street she lives on in Tombridge (just round the corner from my Parents old house).

Happy coincidence, I have this week off work. As such around lunch time I intend to pootle about town, and ensconce within Pret a Manger, and it's ilk....


um...you do know that accounts to stalking right?

Good Work Mr Mystery. Women love to be the target of directed covert surveillance.

[Deadlift]

um...you do know that accounts to stalking right?

Yep, this plan could go tits up, either way you look at it. :)

[scadugenga]

Yep, this plan could go tits up, either way you look at it. :)

Well played my friend, well played...

[Wolfshade]

Good Work Mr Mystery. Women love to be the target of directed covert surveillance.

Just remember, don't show them the dossier before they are entrapped!

[Psychosplodge]

Not the whole of the south...

I know she works in Tunbridge Wells, and which street she lives on in Tombridge (just round the corner from my Parents old house).

Happy coincidence, I have this week off work. As such around lunch time I intend to pootle about town, and ensconce within Pret a Manger, and it's ilk....

Good work Mystery, basic research helps the hunter secure his prey...

[Mr Mystery]

It's only stalking when I do it hiding up a tree... Or hanging around her street.

This is simply enjoying my week off, with the possibility of advancing my position!

[Psychosplodge]

It's only stalking when I do it hiding up a tree... Or hanging around her street.

This is simply enjoying my week off, with the possibility of advancing my position!


Merely tilting the tables in your favour old chap?

[Denzark]

Good work Mystery, basic research helps the hunter secure his prey...


Or as we say in the military, 'time spent on reconnaisance is never wasted...'

[Wolfshade]

You could always trawl facebook to see if she checked-in to the pub you went to.

Facebook making cyberstalking that bit easier since 2004

[Mr Mystery]

That's a good idea! I've never thought.

I shall add the pub, see what turns up.

Thankfully, it's the best late night venue in town, and just up the road from my flat. Have people over for a movie and couple of drinkies, then head up there around 11.

[Wildeybeast]

It's only stalking when I do it hiding up a tree... Or hanging around her street.

This is simply enjoying my week off, with the possibility of advancing my position!

Actually, I think it's only stalking if you are actually following her around. I don't think wandering around places you think she might be in the hope you bump into her because you have no idea where she actually is would qualify.

[Psychosplodge]

but once she gets there does it then count?

[Mr Mystery]

I think that's only when I start frottering her leg.

[Psychosplodge]

*head desk*