Egad Sir!

[Mr Mystery]

This afternoon, whilst ensconced within the Gentlemen's club this very afternoon, I was reliably informed that your mater familialis is of such noteworthy girth, that it is whispered in Messr's Fortnum and Mason's emporium that she looks forward to the dessert course with a relish most unbecoming of a lady of her social standing!

And what, pray tell, do you have to say to that Sir?

[Psychosplodge]

http://25.media.tumblr.com/38584d80bf28eeb842351615c9ebc4bc/tumblr_miqoxyeemm1s690tzo2_250.jpg

[Mr Mystery]

Is that so Sir?

Well allow me to further inform you that it is common knowledge amongst the kitchen staff of your humble domicile, that your Mothers corsetry requirements are sufficient to singularly support a small whaling village upon the Devonshire coast!

[Chris Copeland]

'Tis been said that thy matron is so uncommonly corpulent that instead of donning 504 jeans she is forced to indulge in the donning of 1,002s! Oh dear!

[Mr Mystery]

Well Sir, it is my understanding that your Mother has been known to disport her ankles for the delectation of any Gentlemen happen to be within the vicinity for the princely sum of but a single glass of Absinthe!

[Gotthammer]

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/funny-pictures-history-step-on-a-crack_zpsde0120cc.jpg


and let it be said that your mother, upon attempting to leap into the heavens as some corpulent ape or amphibian, is of such prodigious size that when reaching freedom from earth's grasp in the expanse of the sky, she doth become ensnared within it's vast reaches, remaining there for evermore!

[White Tiger88]

This thread hurts my mind......


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW_kkZMMScs

[Mr Mystery]

Very well Sir! It may be of value for you to learn that your Mother is frowned upon by members of the Royal Geological Society for the effect she has upon their attempts to closely study the phenomena of earthquakes!

[Denzark]

I do declare it is well known amongst society that your Mater can be persuaded to extract her decolletage from its corsetry for the perusal of any gentlemen thereabouts, for the princely sum of a box of after eight mints and a 3 litre bottle of diamond white...

[Mr Mystery]

Well your Mater is said to run a most disorderly household!

[Denzark]

'Tis true, indeed Sir.

[Chris Copeland]

Oh my. I see where this is going and it is downright dastardly Let me say that I've heard it said that thy matron is so elderly that she was acquainted with "Burger King" in a time frame when he was simply known by the appellation "Burger Prince." Ho ho! How does thou like that?