Family, Nature vs Nurture and other random musings.

[alshrive]

Ok so I ended up having a very indepth and philosophical debate with my wife last night regarding our stance on family (yes we are young, I am 23 and she is 20, but contrary to popular belief occasionally we find time to talk about things, sometimes even important things, like dinner- that is very important!). and it was during this debate that we releasised that we have completely different attitudes towards family and it was a very interesting thing to discuss further.

I come from a very close knit family with all my aunts and uncles and immediate family mostly living within about 20 miles, so I have grown up frequently seeing lots of my family and have a very close relationship with them. This is at odds with her upbringing as her family are all over the country so she isn't as close with all her Aunts and Uncles etc etc. It became really interesting when we started discussing parents. Both of our parents live in the same town as us, but we probably see my parents twice as often as we see hers and it is this that sparked off our debate (we went to dinner with my parents). I like to see my parents (and sometimes my younger brother, but only sometimes) and find it odd if i don't hear from them semi-frequently, whereas she can quite happily go a few weeks without hearing anything and it is of no concern to her. I have grown a lot closer to my parents since i moved out several years ago and talking to her last night i think i have finally figured out why. My parents are the very involved and meddly type. I don't resent them for it, I don't think they mean to be but it is just who they are. My Father particularly likes to pry and give his opinion and then chastise anybody that doesn't think his opinion is an epiphany that could better the course of mankind. I get on a lot better with my Father now i don't have to listen to it and I can just say "oh that's nice, I think I will go home now" or "Father, shut up and go home please".

I am writing this thread at my desk and just distracted by a phone call and have now lost my train of thought. I don't quite remember where I was going here with my point but if anybody wants to pick something out of this and try to string a cogent and coherent thread out of this I think it could be a very interesting topic to discuss.
I will edit this as and when I remember whatever I was planning on saying!

[DrLove42]

I am 24, married and live at least 100 miles from any of my family, either on my side or my lady wifes.

But we both still call home at least once a week. Go home to visit at least once every 3 months.

I'm semi-close to all my Aunts and Unlces and most my cousins despite rarely seeing them. Thats the advantages of a digital age!

[Wolfshade]

It is not even safe to say that attitudes are passed down equally to each family member. I am the youngest of three, I have two older sisters, the oldest one lives near my parents, the other one and I live equidistant from each other and our parents, like an equilateral triangle. It is curious to note that my mother speaks most weeks to them, I however can go months without speaking with them. My wife recieves even less contact, she is still waiting for a call for her birthday in september from hers, though they live in cape town so we see them about once every two years.
We had very different child hoods and consequently we have very different views on family, she could not understand this mutually dependant body where each member had an idea of what the others were doing, she found it very strange.

Certainly though nuture is more important that nature.

[alshrive]

This seems to be a very interesting topic. do you find that significant points in your life altered your familial relationships. How did things change when you moved out? when you got married?

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

I'm 20, involved with an older woman who lives some distance from me, and my parents live like 30mins drive away from me.

I suppose I am kind of a lone wolf which I do like, independence is good... I do have my friends around me in Shrewsbury... I just wish I could actually see EG more than I do. :/

[Wolfshade]

My relationships with my parents is a stange one. The best thing that ever happend was my Dad suffered a mental breakdown and was medically retired from his job. From that point he started to become a father, spending time paying interest and now when we do meet up he is always "We should do this more often" or "When do you want to meet up again". Mother still thinks that I am her baby and tries to tell me how to live my life which is frustrating

[DrLove42]

Married vs old - no change. But we did live together first. Even then no notable change

But i get the parent vs Brother thing. I talk to my parents every week. I can go weeks or months without anything from my bro. But the same can be said about some of my closest friends, but we still pick up like no time has passed

[alshrive]

I know what you mean, i have friends that I rarely see or speak to and when we talk it is as if no time has passed. My brother is the odd one of the family (I paint little plastic men and HE is the odd one, i love that!) and we always get on brilliantly (possibly because since i moved out he got a bigger room!) even though we rarely talk. i would say it is a bit of a strange relationship I have with my brother.

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

I have no siblings... :(

Also, I agree with Wolfie on Mothers. :p
Can't speak for the man who conceived me though...

[Asymmetrical Xeno]

Single by choice, 27yr old Introvert. I have social anxiety/GAD issues, so I guess that makes me even more introverted than normal. Don't have many relationships with people in general, prefer the company of myself. Never been that close to my family and prefer to keep a distance from them. I have a few close friends I talk to occasionally, but in general I don't tend to relate to most people whatsoever and often feel alienated by them. I am probably a good example of the stereotypical eccentric loner-artist that end up dying alone.

[Wildeybeast]

I'm 20, involved with an older woman who lives some distance from me, and my parents live like 30mins drive away from me.

I suppose I am kind of a lone wolf which I do like, independence is good... I do have my friends around me in Shrewsbury... I just wish I could actually see EG more than I do. :/

No horseman ever rides alone TDA. Though as I write this I notice you seem to have disavowed yourself from the wolfpack....

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

I am always there in spirit, but my duty calls me away from it.

[Wildeybeast]

Is that what your calling her these days?

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

Is that what your calling her these days?

You're*
Silly teacher...


Hahahah! She is my duty I suppose, but I did not mean that.

[Wildeybeast]

The joy of being a teacher is the 'do as I say, not as I do' rule. Which means I'm allowed to make spelling mistakes. Especially on a Friday afternoon.

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

No.