Ultimate zombie rifle

[DarkLink]

You cannot be cool if you don't own one of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GQpfQd1397E#!

[Aldramelech]

You cannot be cool if you don't own one of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GQpfQd1397E#!

Too heavy and only semi auto.

[Drunkencorgimaster]

You cannot be cool if you don't own one of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GQpfQd1397E#!

I'm pretty sure the douchebag redneck who lives at the bottom of the ridge I live on has one of those.

[DarkLink]

Too heavy

That just makes it a better club if you run out of ammo;).

[Psychosplodge]

That looks like awkward and cumbersome, have you not read the zombie survival guide?

[eldargal]

I don't think zombies have the skillset to use such a weapon...

Zombies are boring.:p

[Psychosplodge]

Did you never see the awful "Land of the dead"? :D

But seriously they mention all the sights they've bolted on, and fire from the hip? so essentially its all dead weight...

[Necron2.0]

Anything that fires a single kinetic energy projectile (even if fired in rapid succession) is the wrong thing to bring to the Zombie Apocalypse.

Me? I'd want one of these:

XM307 Auto Grenade Launcher (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51CNY4fuhI8)
M32 Grenade Launcher (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX-99a1JCc4)
Metal Storm Grenade System (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXECU3YKMfI)

And in general I'd want some sort of flame thrower, since the modern interpretation of the Zombie is that it's a disease carrier.

[Psychosplodge]

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQWI_lPXyXzmLONlesg1Gb4Vdvub9QV1 pdsqdhIJiJ04_CNZoOAtkkscu9O

[Necron2.0]

You wouldn't use a flame thrower on the walking dead. You'd use a flame thrower on the quivering dead after blowing them into chunky salsa with a few grenades. The flame thrower is only for clean up on aisle 10.

[Psychosplodge]

lol, makes sense but a lot of weight to carry...

[Aldramelech]

Shotguns are the way to go.

[Psychosplodge]

I'd want a carbine of some sort...

[MaltonNecromancer]

Zombies are boring.

Agreed.

Is this zombie meme not dead yet? Seriously, zombies are nowhere near as frightening as humans.

And are we really discussing the best weapons for a zombie apocalypse?! It's 2012! This was old hat back in 2003!

Plus, is no-one else sick of every FPS having human shaped and sized enemies? We used to have cyberdemons, monsters, bosses begger than the pyramids. Now it's an increasingly interchangable set of generic, strangely non-denominational terrorists from Madeupistan, or else cliched bloody zombies. And if there aren't zombies in the game, you can guarantee they'll be in the DLC. Cowboy game awesome? Not without a bloody zombie level it's not! Hey, that WW2 sim great? Not unless I get some moaning Axis kommandos who can't use their guns any more!

They're the herpes of geek, the Mills and Boon of nerdom; always showing up to drag everything down to the Lowest Common Denominator.

Ugh.

[DarkLink]

Just so everyone knows, mall ninja is a derogatory term for civilian types to like to think they're cool and tactical, and buy expensive guns and slap every single tacti-cool accessory they can find on them, while the actual pros take one look at the weapon and shake their heads and walk away. Hence the 3 sights, 3 lasers, and 4 flashlights.

[Psychosplodge]

They're the herpes of geek, the Mills and Boon of nerdom; always showing up to drag everything down to the Lowest Common Denominator.

Ugh.

We could do with a quote of the week thread for stuff like this ^

[Wildeybeast]

Reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons where Homer joins the gun club and Moe is demonstrating how, with a few simple modifications, you can turn one gun into five guns. Ah, Americans and their gun obsessions. Everyone with any sense knows that guns are noisy which will attract more Zombies and have limited ammo. You need bows backed up by swords. If it works on Frenchmen, it'll work on Zombies (the two having about the same fighting prowess and tactical nous). Besides, zombie apocalypse is very unlikely as the practicality of a virus animating dead flesh and preventing decomposition means it will never happen (unless magic suddenly turns out to be real). It's the rise of the machines we need to be worried about.

[Psychosplodge]

Surely the cricket bat is now the weapon of choice anyway?

[Wildeybeast]

More widely available and easier to wield true, but more tiring. A nice sharp sword will go clean a zombie head with hardly any effort at all. Still, swords and bows will be difficult to access for many, so cricket bats and record collections make a handy substitute.

[Mr Mystery]

I intend to survive the Zombie Apocalypse by simply sitting in my flat.

I have a good stockpile of food (months worth) and frankly, bacteria and the elements will knacker the Zombies before I run out of scran, water and power.

Zombies. Not all they're cracked up to be.

[Psychosplodge]

It might work, I mean how long will it take the mobile undead to decompose to a point of no mobility?

[scadugenga]

More widely available and easier to wield true, but more tiring. A nice sharp sword will go clean a zombie head with hardly any effort at all. Still, swords and bows will be difficult to access for many, so cricket bats and record collections make a handy substitute.

I make my own bows, so not an issue. :)

Swords actually are not that easy to use for decapitation.

And Malton? You may be tired of the "meme" but it's still a subconscious fear for many. The Walking Dead, and books like World,War Z are fabulous examples.

[eldargal]

What's the strength of the average zombie? I bet with a suit of gothic plate (http://dedguy.net/junk/SigismundofTyrol.jpg), a two hander an a back up short sword, like a messer, or two I could take on a moderate to large sized zombie horde by myself and win so long as they can't bite through 2-3mm steel. I'm assuming they aren't as strong as bears, they used to go wrestle bears to death wearing plate harnesses in the 15th century.

Zombies are still boring (http://www.lounge.belloflostsouls.net/showthread.php?t=12854).

[Mr Mystery]

Don't even need that. Biker Leathers will do.

And I'd guess they'd on average be as strong as a human being, but with very little coordination. Thus they'd struggle to catch a grip. Raid a pharmacy (assuming society has inexplicably panicked, and not just set about the dead with gusto) and load up on vaseline. Quick coating before you head out (assistant would help) and behold slippery survival!

[eldargal]

But can't zombies bite you and turn you into a zombie or something? I'd rather be encased head to toe in steel. Maybe rub that with vasseline?

[Mr Mystery]

Well they're starting to rot, and aren't taking on fluids, so think receding gums and a much reduced biting capacity.

My teeth are pretty much ok, and I can't bite through my leathers. Bung a skid lid on to boot and you should be about nice!!

Plus plate is heavy to wear, and makes it harder to get up should you trip or stumble due to restricted movement. Leather does of course have this problem, but nowhere near as bad.

[eldargal]

I can do gymnastics in my plate, it is heavy but only forty pounds/25kgs or so. Once you get used to it and train in it regularly you build up the samin to wear it for long periods of time. There is the also the issue of weight of numbers and snapped necks. Bike leather doesn't protect against strong impacts.

[Mr Mystery]

Would the noise of clank not be a negative? I'm guessing theres a point where the protection will fail due to sheer numbers of assailants, and clank may therefore cancel itself out.

Certainly, I'll stick with my slippery leather.

And on thes subject of Zombies being bobbins....they'd be blind pretty quickly. Eyes are mostly water, and dessicate very quickly, let alone with flies etc feasting uninterrupted.

[Wildeybeast]

I make my own bows, so not an issue. :)

Swords actually are not that easy to use for decapitation.

And Malton? You may be tired of the "meme" but it's still a subconscious fear for many. The Walking Dead, and books like World,War Z are fabulous examples.

They are when the target basically stands there and is all mushy and rotten. As for armour, it does offer the benefit of bite proofing, but will be quite slow and tiring (especially for those not used to it, and the zombies won't give you much training time). The best for of armour is probably your nearest 4x4. Then you can drive around, merrily mushing zombies like a real life GTA game. Or as others have said, just hole up somewhere and wait for them to rot to the point where they can't move anymore. I get that it's fiction, but I've never understood why modern Zombies decompose to a certain point, then stop. It's not a problem with your magically animated fantasy ones, but what virus can reanimate and control a dead nervous system and musculature as well preventing decomposition taking place?

[Mr Mystery]

They are when the target basically stands there and is all mushy and rotten. As for armour, it does offer the benefit of bite proofing, but will be quite slow and tiring (especially for those not used to it, and the zombies won't give you much training time). The best for of armour is probably your nearest 4x4. Then you can drive around, merrily mushing zombies like a real life GTA game. Or as others have said, just hole up somewhere and wait for them to rot to the point where they can't move anymore. I get that it's fiction, but I've never understood why modern Zombies decompose to a certain point, then stop. It's not a problem with your magically animated fantasy ones, but what virus can reanimate and control a dead nervous system and musculature as well preventing decomposition taking place?

I'd imagine any virus would ravage the host extremely quickly to boot.

Yup. Hole up and wait it out, leathers on stand by I'm case I need to make a break for the shops.

Though I'd keep away from vehicles. Too easy to get carried away and stack it. Ditto swords and other bladed implements. Too easy to cause yourself or another survivor a mischief. Stick with blunt implements.

[DarkLink]

But can't zombies bite you and turn you into a zombie or something? I'd rather be encased head to toe in steel. Maybe rub that with vasseline?

You ever tried to chew your way through motorcycle gear? Good luck with that. That stuff's designed to resist abrasion on asphalt. I've seen videos of riders bailing at 80mph and surviving without a scratch, so long as they don't slide into another car or railing or something (not something to test your luck on, though). Besides, they make hard plastic stuff as well, just as hard to chew through as steel but much, much, much, much lighter.

[eldargal]

Yes but it leaves the face and neck somewhat exposed. A motorcycle helmet isn't integrated to the chest piece to make snapping the neck almost impossible. I'm not worried abotu general durability, more those one in a thousand weaknesses you don't consider and the nget et by a zombie for your trouble.

[DarkLink]

If you've gotten so tangled up with a mosh pit of zombies that that becomes a problem, honestly you're probably screwed already. But either way, if you could get replica armor made of hard plastic rather than steel that has the same coverage, that would be the ultimate way to go.

[Wildeybeast]

Though I'd keep away from vehicles. Too easy to get carried away and stack it. Ditto swords and other bladed implements. Too easy to cause yourself or another survivor a mischief. Stick with blunt implements.

I'm a careful driver and hitting a zombie at 30mph with a 4x4 is going to mush them good, so I'll take my chances. And most towns will be fairly car-free as people attempt to escape the main population areas. Better than running everywhere.

As for injuring other survivors, that's a risk I'm willing to take. Someone has to be in charge of rebuilding and repopulating when all the zombies are gone and I'd rather it was me. Those misguided individuals who might not necessarily agree could suffer a horrible accident in the confused melee of zombie killing...

[Mr Mystery]

I'm a careful driver and hitting a zombie at 30mph with a 4x4 is going to mush them good, so I'll take my chances. And most towns will be fairly car-free as people attempt to escape the main population areas. Better than running everywhere.

As for injuring other survivors, that's a risk I'm willing to take. Someone has to be in charge of rebuilding and repopulating when all the zombies are gone and I'd rather it was me. Those misguided individuals who might not necessarily agree could suffer a horrible accident in the confused melee of zombie killing...

I'd be more worried about other survivors injuring you. Plus, running over zombies. Well, they're likely to be quite slimey from the inevitable rot, and thus increasing the chances of skidding. Hit one at the wrong angle, and it could get launch through your windscreen. Refuelling would mean regular stops, where you're vulnerable for too long in an explosive situation.

I'll stick to my flat ta :). Reckon I could use the time to crash through my Dr Who collection by the time it all blows over.

[MaltonNecromancer]

For your reading pleasure:

http://www.cracked.com/article/136_5-reasons-you-secretly-want-zombie-apocalypse/
http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html
http://www.cracked.com/article/126_5-popular-zombie-survival-tactics-that-will-get-you-killed/

As a side note, my main thought about the Zombie Apocalypse Dream is this - if a Zombie Apocalypse came to Afghanistan or Iraq, would anyone notice or care? I reckon they'd be quite glad of "insurgents" who could hardly walk, let alone plant a bomb.

[Mr Mystery]

The article I read from those listed still makes the fundamental mistake of forgetting that Zombies rot, and are likey to rot extremely quickly, so the 'don't hole up' advice remains bunkum!

And I speak as someone with a Graveyard out the back of their flat....

[Necron2.0]

The article I read from those listed still makes the fundamental mistake of forgetting that Zombies rot, and are likey to rot extremely quickly, so the 'don't hole up' advice remains bunkum!

Unless, of course, it is winter and you live in a cold climate. In that case, they'll freeze solid ... which still makes them a little less than threatening.

I'd be sorely tempted to dress them in holiday festive-wear and use them for lawn decorations. I figure, given freezer burn and the destructive effects water crystallization has on flesh, there would probably be little risk that Santa and his helpers would prematurely thaw and come eat my brains for Christmas.

"Now bring us a brainy-pudding,
Now bring us a brainy-pudding,
Now bring us a brainy-pudding,
and bring it out here!!"

[DarkLink]

Actually, one of the cracked articles is about why the zombie apocalypse would fail.

[Mr Mystery]

Unless, of course, it is winter and you live in a cold climate. In that case, they'll freeze solid ... which still makes them a little less than threatening.

I'd be sorely tempted to dress them in holiday festive-wear and use them for lawn decorations. I figure, given freezer burn and the destructive effects water crystallization has on flesh, there would probably be little risk that Santa and his helpers would prematurely thaw and come eat my brains for Christmas.

"Now bring us a brainy-pudding,
Now bring us a brainy-pudding,
Now bring us a brainy-pudding,
and bring it out here!!"



Genius!

[Psychosplodge]

As for injuring other survivors, that's a risk I'm willing to take. Someone has to be in charge of rebuilding and repopulating when all the zombies are gone and I'd rather it was me. Those misguided individuals who might not necessarily agree could suffer a horrible accident in the confused melee of zombie killing...

Other survivors are merely a speedbump on the road to survival....


Hit one at the wrong angle, and it could get launch through your windscreen.


Bull bars + turn a trolley into a riot van style screen shield...

[DarkLink]

I thought this was appropriate for this thread:

http://cdn.headtrip.keenspot.com/comics/20120716.jpg

[DarkLink]

This is awesome, too:

http://tac15.com/

[Mr Mystery]

Other survivors are merely a speedbump on the road to survival....



Bull bars + turn a trolley into a riot van style screen shield...

Bull Bars are illegal in Britain...due to the detrimental effects they tend to have on the skulls of small children...Not allowed to sell them, not allowed to fit them.

Plus, splatting zombies sounds fun until the windscreen is clogged with gore and you drive into a wall...

[Wildeybeast]

They also aren't necessary here since your average motor vehicle will mush children perfectly well and we don't need to worry about wandering bulls/bears/kangaroos etc.
I have to say Mystery, you are being rather boring on the whole zombie carmageddon plan and unnecessarily so. For a start, the unending eternity of rain that is Britain will ensure that gore will quickly wash away and most 4x4 are diesel so we can make our own fairly easily, meaning fuel won't be an issue. If you want to hole up in your flat and miss out on all the fun, be my guest, but when you emerge and find I'm running the show, don't blame me.

[Mr Mystery]

They also aren't necessary here since your average motor vehicle will mush children perfectly well and we don't need to worry about wandering bulls/bears/kangaroos etc.
I have to say Mystery, you are being rather boring on the whole zombie carmageddon plan and unnecessarily so. For a start, the unending eternity of rain that is Britain will ensure that gore will quickly wash away and most 4x4 are diesel so we can make our own fairly easily, meaning fuel won't be an issue. If you want to hole up in your flat and miss out on all the fun, be my guest, but when you emerge and find I'm running the show, don't blame me.

That's alright. You can't foul things up worse than the current group of bungholes!

[Uncle Nutsy]

motorcycle suit is pretty cool. all covered in leather and plastic. yeah that won't let any gnashing through.

but 4x4's? cmon people live a little. what you need is a garbage truck. sure it's noisy but the thing is, you can just throw some leather over the doors and windows and they won't be getting through. plus, it won't rust like the bodywork willl. not to mention you can just get a hatch on the top. weld a plate of steel on the forks and you now have a nice little firing platform/second layer of defence/zombie MUSHER.

Think of what a mess it would make when you bring down that 500 pound plate on top of a crowd of zombies. like an elephant stepping on a melon. And in the back, you can clean and outfit it into a nice little liveable space. Don't need to worry about fires or anything, but just need to make sure you can insulate it from the cold if you ever need to deal with winter.

Since the truck burns diesel, you can either scavenge for fuel or, go veg oil. I'm sure in an apocalypse, all the fast food places would be abandoned. what better place to go for fuel than the used oil bins? Little bit of processing and you got yourself a full tank. If you can fab the crap out of things, stick a knuckle crane on the back of that truck to lift up supplies that you find and are too heavy to lift by yourself, such as a motorcycle.

don't have to worry about how much ammo you can carry seeing as you'll have enough room to store tens of thousands of rounds. or, find as much hydrochloric acid as you can and rig up a supersoaker on steroids. Guaranteed to melt those pesky zombies (and probably your own ride but you're smart enough to eliminate that problem, aren't ya?) into piles of goo.

[Psychosplodge]

Bull Bars are illegal in Britain...due to the detrimental effects they tend to have on the skulls of small children...Not allowed to sell them, not allowed to fit them.

Plus, splatting zombies sounds fun until the windscreen is clogged with gore and you drive into a wall...

Never going to effect people who aren't on the road, anyway this is the zombie apocalypse and we're arguing traffic law? lol
I thought it was illegal to fit them but you were ok if you already had them? Still see plenty of 4x4 with them on...


They also aren't necessary here since your average motor vehicle will mush children perfectly well and we don't need to worry about wandering bulls/bears/kangaroos etc.


Never found a deer stood in the middle of the road?




but 4x4's? cmon people live a little. what you need is a garbage truck. sure it's noisy but the thing is, you can just throw some leather over the doors and windows and they won't be getting through. plus, it won't rust like the bodywork willl. not to mention you can just get a hatch on the top. weld a plate of steel on the forks and you now have a nice little firing platform/second layer of defence/zombie MUSHER.


Enjoy you're truck, I'm finding me a wildcat...

[DarkLink]

There's a scene in Monster Hunter: Alpha where the main character commandeers a snow plow to blindside a mob of peudo zombie/werewolves attacking a school gym (long story). It's brutally effective.

The Monster Hunter series by Larry Correia is very entertaining, by the way. Basically a fast paced action movie with mercenaries and monsters, in book form.

[Wildeybeast]

That's alright. You can't foul things up worse than the current group of bungholes!

Challenge accepted!



Never found a deer stood in the middle of the road?


No actually. Seen plenty of signs for them, but never actually seen one on the road. They would be about big enough to damage a car, but a 4x4 should do ok.



but 4x4's? cmon people live a little. what you need is a garbage truck.


A good suggestion, but your average person will have no idea how to drive one, nor have easy access to one whereas 4x4's are everywhere.

[Psychosplodge]

Never found a deer stood in the middle of the road?





No actually. Seen plenty of signs for them, but never actually seen one on the road. They would be about big enough to damage a car, but a 4x4 should do ok.


I have, they're big f*****s

[DarkLink]

They would be about big enough to damage a car, but a 4x4 should do ok.


No. Not a good bet.

[Uncle Nutsy]

A good suggestion, but your average person will have no idea how to drive one, nor have easy access to one whereas 4x4's are everywhere.

maybe not at first but seeing as a person has all the time in the world to learn, there ya go.

[Wildeybeast]

maybe not at first but seeing as a person has all the time in the world to learn, there ya go.

You'd still have to trek around looking for one, so you'd want a 4x4 for that task anyway. Given the zombies won't last more than a few weeks, there seems little point.

As for the deer issue, there is bugger all reason I would want to go to the countryside during the zompocalypse. I can get away from the puny zombies by simply going into my house and locking the door, so deer really aren't an issue.

[Uncle Nutsy]

dammit wildey, you're going against the 'rule of cool'.

[Psychosplodge]

As for the deer issue, there is bugger all reason I would want to go to the countryside during the zompocalypse. I can get away from the puny zombies by simply going into my house and locking the door, so deer really aren't an issue.

Countryside? They're in the cities!

but probably not for long if zombies eat/kill anything that moves they can catch...
I was merely justifying there is a reason to have bull bars, beyond educating pedestrians to where they should have been on the carriageway lol.

[DarkLink]

If you'd rather avoid deer than zombies, you might need to sort out your priorities. Deer are food. Zombies aren't.

[Necron2.0]

Deer are food. Zombies aren't.

http://www.holytaco.com/25-zombie-cakes/

Says you. ;)

[DarkLink]

Well, if you want to catch the zombie virus, go ahead and eat all you want.

[Psychosplodge]

Mmmm tasty tasty zombie virus...

[Wildeybeast]

dammit wildey, you're going against the 'rule of cool'.

Bah, cool is for people who want to play the hero and as we should all know the definition of a hero is 'somebody who gets other people killed'. I'll stick with being smart and cautious and surviving thanks, not to mention making sure I'm the one in charge when this zombie mess sorts itself out.

[Uncle Nutsy]

and yet, realistically speaking; a zombie apocalypse will never happen.

rigor mortis, decomposition, all that will end the apocalypse in a matter of weeks. So if you really want to survive, just board up your place and stay inside. it will just correct itself.


but a zombie apocalypse is pure fantasy, and the rules of reality don't necessarily apply. it's purely for FUN, and being realistic ruins the whole thing.

[Aldramelech]

and yet, realistically speaking; a zombie apocalypse will never happen.

rigor mortis, decomposition, all that will end the apocalypse in a matter of weeks. So if you really want to survive, just board up your place and stay inside. it will just correct itself.


but a zombie apocalypse is pure fantasy, and the rules of reality don't necessarily apply. it's purely for FUN, and being realistic ruins the whole thing.

You could go down the 28 days later route, not exactly Zombies but much the same effect.

[Wildeybeast]

You could go down the 28 days later route, not exactly Zombies but much the same effect.

But even then, the same applies. Hole up somewhere safe and wait for the infected to starve to death (though I'd imagine dehydration would get them much sooner). Then watch and wait as the Americans inevitably mess it up again. :D

[Psychosplodge]

Well that's what normally appears to happen,
still don't understand how they always get overun in the llikes of the walking dead and such,
haven't they heard of the GPMG and the two inch tap?
If charging machine guns was that easy WW1 world have been over in a week...

[Wildeybeast]

Indeed it would have been. The average person also access to plenty of flammable materials with which to torch the dead. Or we could just dig lots of big holes filled with meat and wait for the zombies to simply fall in. The most realistic zombie film is probably night of the living dead where at the end, after a brief scare, the local sheriff and all the gun toting yahoos in town posse up and end the zombie problem. The only real concern would be non-zoms getting caught in the crossfire.