Chapter Unapproved: Gamer Grub

[Grenadier]

This is all about something most of us love as much as our game: food. More specifically food you eat during the battle. I'm fairly sure many gamers nom upon bags of chips. Or crisps as those nutty Brits call them. And surely pizza is a common gamer's grub. No doubt many gamers probably go for anything that can be popped into the microwave. All washed down with pop and beer.

But perhaps the more adventurous of us actually prepare food for the game. So let's post some gamer grub recipes. I'll begin with my top three.

***dont assume these recipes make me a fat a lazy American. I eat this stuff all the time and still remain a lean mean lovin' machine

The Guardsmen:
Type: sammich
Gut satisfaction: 10
Transport: hand
Speed: depends on how fast you can scamper off to the toilet.

You'll need a pack of hoagie buns, pre-split preferable. A jar of peanut butter of your choice, crunchy or smooth,1 jalapeno pepper, 1 pound of thick cut country style bacon. The saltier the better.

Before you scoff you should know there was a time when you could buy jars of peanut butter that had bacon in it. The two flavors counter-intuitively pair well together.

Fry up the bacon until it is nice and crispy. Don't bother separating it before cooking. It'll come apart on its own as you cook. When it's finished "degrease it" by placing upon some paper towels. As it is cooking slather some butter on each side of the rolls and toast them in the oven for a few minutes. Now mince up your jalapeno pepper and mix it in with 2 cups of peanut butter. When everything is prepared slather a generous helping of the peanut butter and jalapeno mix onto each side of the bun. Then slap a mess of that glorious bacon in between it and enjoy! MAN UP fellas! It's good! Don't be cowards!


Nork's Nibbling Nommage:
Type: sloppy mess
Gut satisfaction: 7
Transport: plate or bowl
Speed: fast

You're going to need a can or jar of whichever type of chili you like best. Beans or no beans. (Though I find with beans it serves to have a debilitating effect on your opponent.) You'll also need a bag of your favorite shredded cheddar cheese. I prefer extra-sharp myself. And you're going to need a bag of Fritos corn chips. Which by the way you can use these to start a campfire. Trust me. Simple enough to make: spread out the Fritos as a bed. Dump the chili on top of these. And dump the cheese on top of that. Heat it up in the oven or microwave.

Abbadon's Bad'un
Type: sammich
Gut satisfaction: 10
Transport: hand
Speed: normal

This sammich is a brute. You'll need an entire pack of Steakums. What's that for those who don't know? It's basically kind of frozen sheets of beef. Perfect for making phillies and other sandwiches. Comes in a pack of seven slices. Now, if you're like me then you know if it doesn't have meat in it then it ain't a meal. And the more meat the merrier I say! So use the WHOLE box per sammich. That's right, all seven sheets of meaty goodness. You're also gonna need hoagie buns, an onion, more shredded cheese, and steak sauce.

Now here's the trick. In your skillet you're liable only to be able to fry up two slices at a time. So as they fry keep the rest in the freezer! This stuff thaws so quickly it'll absolutely fall apart on you. Of course, if you want it to be that way you can shred it up as it cooks. I prefer to keep my slices intact for tidier eating.

***as you fry quite a bit of grease oozes out of them. it's best to drain the grease after each slice so as to avoid letting it all pile up on you. You can further decrease the grease (hey that rhymed!) by placing the cooked slices on some paper towels.

As you fry up the slices season them up with salt and cracked pepper. Also if you intend to shred them up why not go ahead and sautee some onions with them? Then give them a liberal dose of McIlheney's hot sauce. Repeat this for every single slice. Again, go for hoagie buns. You need something sturdy to contain all that meat. Slather your buns (that sounds so dirty) with steak sauce. Assemble and eat. This sammich is going to pack some heat to it let me tell you. And your adventures in Toiletland later on will be quite...interesting.

And lastly my own concoction to give you a boost. My games are known to go well into the wee hours.

Deathbrew
Type: unhealthy beverage.
Gut satisfaction: Immense.
Transport: Cup
Speed: it's better than speed.

You'll need a coffee maker. I prefer a french press since it extracts much more of the awesomeness out of the coffee grinds. You'll also need some good Colombian coffee, a jar of honey, Wild Turkey, and a liquid coffee creamer of your choice. I prefer french vanilla. Just a splash for color you know?

Boil up some water and add it to 5 large heaping scoops of the coffee grind in your french press. Failing this just go with the lousy coffee maker will ya? When the coffee is ready add 3 tablespoons of the honey to this. And a generous amount of Wild Turkey. I find half the cup is good enough for this. And lastly the creamer.

Thus far I seem to be the only human capable of drinking Deathbrew and surviving. Contact me if you do too. If I don't hear from you then I know you failed!

[Arch_Bishop]

Sushi all the way.

It is the perfect gaming snack, as it's bite sized, and isn't greasy.

Nothing worse than trying to take your turn whilst madly cramming food in your gob, smearing oil all over your lovingly painted minis.

We make up a plate of assorted sushi for our more "social" tabletop / board game evenings.

Or you can go for the more traditional pizza, but it does suffer from the aforementioned greasiness.

Liking your threads Grenadier!

[Lockark]

Vegie trays and Chesses/peperoni/cracker trays we make our selves.Great snacks that aren't terrible for you.

[eldargal]

We usually have sandwiches (often with bacon), cupcakes, crisps and sometimes things like pork pies and whatnot. Oh and chocolate, lots of chocolate.

I'm going to try the guardsman soon, I like all those things. Can we get steakums in the UK? Groceries aren't my thing.

[Wolfshade]

Last night I had sirlion steak and wine while gaming.

[SotonShades]

I don't think we have Steakums perse, that sais all major super markets will carry prepackaged frying steaks whish, as far as I can tell, amount to the same thing. Alternatively, just go to your local Butcher and get a nice bit of steak and ask them to finely slice it for you.

I like to go for cheap and cheerful when gaming. Any of the Asda cakey, biscuity tub of bite size snacks are good; usually something like brownies, rice crispy things (chocolatey often, but sometimes your common or garden variety), gingerbread soldiers (as they can't be mere men... in the snacktime of the 41st millennium, there is still only war!), shortbread biscuits... you know the drill.

Mini cocktail sausages are also good. Gots to have some protein when you are screaming Waaargh! at the top of your lungs. I also really love drinking a nice strong ale from one of my Dwarven Tankards. Not Bugman's XXXXXX. Great for easy quaffing, but I prefer a darker, heavier beer.

If all else fails, there is Smush. I'm sure DrLove will happilly explain (or cringe in fear once again)

[Deadlift]

I usually eat 7 to 8 meals a day and it boggles the minds of my friends just how much I pack away during a game :) Even my LGS manager used to let me eat in store during games as I didn't spill any crumbs. I play mostly at home now as its easier than dragging my kids out to watch me game and they get bored. Plus its closer to my fridge.

Pasta and Tuna Salads
Fruit
Chicken
Whey Protein shakes or bars
Pork
Peanut Butter from the jar
Yogurt
Chilli Con Carni

I dont do bread as its usually full of crap and carbs but I have been known to buy 4 or 5 burgers and chuck away the buns. my mates now know that they have a tactical advantage if I dont have any food on hand whilst playing games. I get a bit distracted :confused:


As for Grenadiers "deathbrew" being described as better than speed, If thats the sort of kick your after try some of this badboy http://i844.photobucket.com/albums/ab3/joenortonjones/image_27207_130_white.jpg
Just dont worry to much about the twitches and unexplained euphoria

[Wolfshade]

Am I the only one to be very worried by putting a wild turkey into a drink? Surely the bird would need to be cooked first, and if I can't get a wild one is a pre-packed one ok?

[eldargal]

You just need a really big blender.

[Deadlift]

This turkey wild enough ?
http://i844.photobucket.com/albums/ab3/joenortonjones/barbiefunnyturkeyweird-16a9888ab3c63b81dcd658897d94264c_m.jpg

[SotonShades]

Thanks Dealift, you reminded me of another. Pork on a fork. About as complicated as it sounds. Fork was purely so we didn't get our models greasey. Always made it from a roasting joint.

[DrLove42]

Thanks Dealift, you reminded me of another. Pork on a fork. About as complicated as it sounds. Fork was purely so we didn't get our models greasey. Always made it from a roasting joint.

I invented pork on a fork! dont be stealung credit for my invention!

[Wolfshade]

@ Eldargal: I'll need to contact my local blendtech sales advisor asap
@ Deadlift: That is wrong
@Sotonshades/DrLove42: The Pork fork IP wars begins

[SotonShades]

I cooked the pork, and ate it with a fork when it fell out of my sandwich. You merely repeated said procedure. Later, again with another pork roast I cooked...

[CrimsonTurkey]

I cooked the pork, and ate it with a fork when it fell out of my sandwich. You merely repeated said procedure. Later, again with another pork roast I cooked...

You cooked the pork after it fell out of your sandwich? That doesn't sound like a very good sandwich.

I'm a big fan of pork steamed buns for gaming... or any other occasion.

[Thiazi]

Deathbrew
Type: unhealthy beverage.
Gut satisfaction: Immense.
Transport: Cup
Speed: it's better than speed.

You'll need a coffee maker. I prefer a french press since it extracts much more of the awesomeness out of the coffee grinds. You'll also need some good Colombian coffee, a jar of honey, Wild Turkey, and a liquid coffee creamer of your choice. I prefer french vanilla. Just a splash for color you know?

Boil up some water and add it to 5 large heaping scoops of the coffee grind in your french press. Failing this just go with the lousy coffee maker will ya? When the coffee is ready add 3 tablespoons of the honey to this. And a generous amount of Wild Turkey. I find half the cup is good enough for this. And lastly the creamer.

Thus far I seem to be the only human capable of drinking Deathbrew and surviving. Contact me if you do too. If I don't hear from you then I know you failed!

I dont understand the point of watering down wild turkey with surgary engery drinks. A waste if you ask me.

[LordGrise]

Ladies. Gentlemen. ::bow:: Well met from Texas.

If you want to get utterly, reactionarily (I hope that conjugates properly) classical, then Texas chili, (AKA a bowl o' red) has no beans in it. I will cheerfully concede that point, as it's historically verifiable. But one of the beautiful things about chili is that you can put pretty much what you want in it, and call it chili, as long as it's made hot and is served hot. SO!

One pound ground beef (80/20 is what we use, 73/27 works just as well, you just get more fat that way)

One or two sweet onions, depending on size (I like mayan sweets, tho' vidalias are the best if they're available) diced. You want about a cup and a half after dicing. A bit more isn't a bad thing. If the onions are not sweets, you'll want to add a teaspoon or so of brown or white sugar (no, I'm not joking) when you put in the beans and tomato.

FRESH hot peppers of your choice, diced. I like just a couple red jalapenos, seeds and all. For y'all on the other side of the pond... Jalapenos are fairly small, and are pretty much the benchmark pepper here in Texas. There are milder peppers a'plenty, and hotter ones too. Easy does it here; there's always hot sauce as a condiment. If y'all can't lay your hands on any, and just gots to try them, PM me ([email protected]) and we'll see what we can work out.

BEANS. Please note that we are not talking about baked beans here; if there is sugar in the ingredients on the can, you don't want them for this recipe! We use a 15oz can each of blacks, northerns, and red beans, plus two cans of pintos, all drained, but not rinsed; From the dried bean is even better, but the thing there is then this becomes a weekend effort.

One 15 oz can each crushed and diced tomatoes.

2 tablespoons minced garlic or equivalent.

1 tablespoon smoked paprika. This stuff tends to synergize with hot peppers, so again, easy does it.

Salt and hot sauce to taste. Leave off the salt to the very end; the beans from the can have quite a bit of salt in them, and it's quite possible you won't need any.

Take a big pot, drop in the meat, and gently brown it up in the bottom of the pot. Once you have a decent bit of hot fat to work with, (You want it hot; you DON'T want it smoking) add in the onions, diced peppers, garlic and paprika, and stir constantly. Once the onions are done, add in the beans and tomatoes, cover, and bring to a boil. Then uncover, reduce to simmer, stirring now and then. Taste and season as preferred; serve in a bowl with crackers or corn bread. If you want more heat, add hot sauce. A bit too spicy? Grated yellow cheese, or a dollop of sour cream.

UPGRADES: Want more veg to make this a real one-pot meal? Carrots, celery, bell pepper, they all work well in this, diced fine and added with the onion. Too thin? Teaspoon of flour scattered in and bring it back to the boil. Too thick? If at boiling stage, add a bit of water; it's going to simmer, remember. If trying again, use the liquid from some of the beans, or ::grin:: add beer with the beans and tomatoes! (Just not an IPA ::shudder::) Play with this; it's your food, you're allowed to have fun with it. We've been making this for fifteen years, and no two pots are exactly alike. Hope you like it!

[Levitas]

I eat healthy so cant indulge in the usual junk food fest. So healthier but tatsty alternative...

The Fenrisian Poop Ball

I love quick and easy snacks that I can just grab and go. These are perfect for that and loaded with good for you ingredients.

Raw chocolate nibs- are a Mayan superfood that are packed with antioxidants and known to be one of the highest dietary sources of magnesium.

Chia seeds- a superfood and one of the best known sources of essential fatty acids. They are also an excellent source of antioxidants, dietary fiber and protein. Another fun fact is chia seeds expand when wet so they make you feel full faster...always a good thing.

What you will need:
1/2 cup of shredded unsweetened coconut
1/2 cup of chia seeds
1/2 cup of raw chocolate nibs (your local health food store will have these)
1/2 cup almond butter
2 tbs of honey
1 tsp of cinnamon
Directions:
Throw all the ingredients into a bowl and mix together. Place in the fridge for 30 minutes and then roll into small tablespoon size balls. Place in an airtight container and keep in your fridge up to a week.

[warpcrafter]

I generally avoid food while gaming, but occasionally I will have a bowl of peanut M&M's or the pizza Combos. And since I game at a store where there are lots of young'uns, alcohol is out of the question.

[MaltonNecromancer]

MaltonNecromancer's Appropriately Named Delicious Middle-Class Food Wrap Things

This meal serves about 4.

You will need:

Tortilla Wraps (Sainsbury's Organic if you're in UK, though frankly that's just me being very middle class and fussy; join me! :) Obviously, go for home-made if possible.)
Olive oil. (Not Popeye's girlfriend)
1 tin chopped tomatos
1 chopped onion
more garlic than is entirely healthy
1 tin mixed pulses (again, Sainsbury's Organic is my favourite, but Morrison's do good tinned pulses too)
2 chopped chicken breasts if meat-eater. 1 tin refried beans if not.
1 teaspoon Coriander
1 teaspoon Cumin
As much chilli powder as you feel comfortable with.
1 chinese leaf (though any lettuce will do)
1 pot tzatziki (Greek yoghurt with garlic and cucmber.)

Take your garlic - quantity-wise use as much as you can physically stand. I've used a metric frakton myself, but that's just me. Fry onions and garlic together in olive oil, then add the diced chicken breats until they go nicely brown.

Then simply dump all the ingredients in the list in red in the frying pan and cook until hot. If you want to eat quickly, add chicken gravy powder to thicken, otherwise stir it while it simmers.

Next, shred the chinese leaf.

Now, add three tablespoons of the chickeny-tomato-ey joy you've just made into each wrap, followed by a sprinkling of chinese leaf and two teaspoons of glorious Tzatziki.

Wrap up and eat, preferably with some kind of delicious cider.

[Grenadier]

I wouldn't know if you could get them there or not. They've been around forever over here. And before them there was a product called "Sizzleline." As far as I know it was the same as Steakems. They're a staple of my diet because they're cheap, very easy to make, and takes little time to cook. They probably have something similar over there. I wouldn't say they are the healthiest things to eat though. But unhealthy food doesn't phase me. I am incapable of gaining weight. And my gut is so strong it can process virtually anything. Once I dropped a frozen burrito by accident into a sink full of dirty dishwater. And still ate it! To me all the nastiness was just "added seasoning."


We usually have sandwiches (often with bacon), cupcakes, crisps and sometimes things like pork pies and whatnot. Oh and chocolate, lots of chocolate.

I'm going to try the guardsman soon, I like all those things. Can we get steakums in the UK? Groceries aren't my thing.

[DrLove42]

Steakems sound a lot like sandwich steak. We do them...just not a brand. Look near burgers...


I cooked the pork, and ate it with a fork when it fell out of my sandwich. You merely repeated said procedure. Later, again with another pork roast I cooked...

You ate a piece of sandwich sized prok off the floor...my bedroom floor. That probably wasn't a great health choice btw

I created the concept of a piece of roast pork the size of my fist on the end of a fork

I even created the Pork on a Fork song....

[gendoikari87]

Ork Burger remix

First up is the gastronomic equivalent to a choppa, it's simple, it's a brute, and little can stop it's might. It's the Ork burger. A recipe I took and modified from AFK tavern. So let's get tot he recipe itself.

What you'll need:

2lb Ground beef
1 egg
1 Tbs Webber grill seasoning
1/4 Tsp liquid smoke
1/2 tbs fresh ground black pepper
1/2 cup Soft cooked bacon
1/2 Tbs salt
2 cups sliced mushrooms
10 medium cut slices of hard salami
10 slices of tavern ham
Paramedics on standby.

Directions.

1. Combine Ground beef, egg, Grill seasoning, liquid smoke, pepper, bacon, and salt in a large bowl and knead like a dough until fully combined.
2. form 5 evenly sized patties pressing them tightly together (if you have a burger mold this would be a good way to make them)
3. Grill on flat top griddle or stove "grill" plate (i don't actually know what this is called but it goes over two eyes of the grill.)
4. After burgers have been flipped once place the mushrooms on the griddle in a single layer, flipping as needed.
5. put two pieces of tavern ham between between two pieces of salami and grill for about 20 seconds each side.
6. Stack the salami/ham stacks on the burger, put mushrooms on top.
7. Enjoy.
8. Call ambulance.
9. Seriously, paramedics might not be a bad idea.
10. Wait at least two months before trying again, more is better.

I made this for the first time tonight and yes it was amazing. I was not able to get pictures though.

Edit: This recipie is for five burgers, for five DIFFERENT people. Do not attempt a second one. You will die.

[SotonShades]

I even created the Pork on a Fork song....

I had forgotten the song. I created the idea, you merely expanded upon it. With style, I'll admit..

[Grenadier]

Bah, I could eat all five myself. I'm a skinny man with the appetite of 10 fat boys. This sounds delicious though! Minus the egg that is. Could stand to have some onions. And what is "tavern ham?"


Ork Burger remix

First up is the gastronomic equivalent to a choppa, it's simple, it's a brute, and little can stop it's might. It's the Ork burger. A recipe I took and modified from AFK tavern. So let's get tot he recipe itself.

What you'll need:

2lb Ground beef
1 egg
1 Tbs Webber grill seasoning
1/4 Tsp liquid smoke
1/2 tbs fresh ground black pepper
1/2 cup Soft cooked bacon
1/2 Tbs salt
2 cups sliced mushrooms
10 medium cut slices of hard salami
10 slices of tavern ham
Paramedics on standby.

Directions.

1. Combine Ground beef, egg, Grill seasoning, liquid smoke, pepper, bacon, and salt in a large bowl and knead like a dough until fully combined.
2. form 5 evenly sized patties pressing them tightly together (if you have a burger mold this would be a good way to make them)
3. Grill on flat top griddle or stove "grill" plate (i don't actually know what this is called but it goes over two eyes of the grill.)
4. After burgers have been flipped once place the mushrooms on the griddle in a single layer, flipping as needed.
5. put two pieces of tavern ham between between two pieces of salami and grill for about 20 seconds each side.
6. Stack the salami/ham stacks on the burger, put mushrooms on top.
7. Enjoy.
8. Call ambulance.
9. Seriously, paramedics might not be a bad idea.
10. Wait at least two months before trying again, more is better.

I made this for the first time tonight and yes it was amazing. I was not able to get pictures though.

Edit: This recipie is for five burgers, for five DIFFERENT people. Do not attempt a second one. You will die.

[Wildeybeast]

We try to eat pre/post gaming where possible as it just gets in the way of gaming. As we normally play at WW, the bar comes with ample stock of fatboy food, the finest of which has to be the fat bloke burger. Heaven/heart attack in a bun.

[Grenadier]

Can't really do that with my opponent or his friend. Our games are always huge ones. And despite our best efforts we're always having to consult the rulebook or codexes, both are prone to distractions, and for them each player turn takes about an hour, etc. Games are thus very long. And they NEVER want to finish them. I've not had a battle go to turn 6 in 3 years.

[gendoikari87]

Bah, I could eat all five myself. I'm a skinny man with the appetite of 10 fat boys. This sounds delicious though! Minus the egg that is. Could stand to have some onions. And what is "tavern ham?"

You don't notice the egg, it's a binder for the meat, most restaurants do something like that.

[eldargal]

I'm the same, I've been struggling to keep my weight at a healthy level since I was eight. Even now averaging around 5-6 thousand calories a day I'm at the very low end of healthy.

I wouldn't know if you could get them there or not. They've been around forever over here. And before them there was a product called "Sizzleline." As far as I know it was the same as Steakems. They're a staple of my diet because they're cheap, very easy to make, and takes little time to cook. They probably have something similar over there. I wouldn't say they are the healthiest things to eat though. But unhealthy food doesn't phase me. I am incapable of gaining weight. And my gut is so strong it can process virtually anything. Once I dropped a frozen burrito by accident into a sink full of dirty dishwater. And still ate it! To me all the nastiness was just "added seasoning."



Edit: This recipie is for five burgers, for five DIFFERENT people. Do not attempt a second one. You will die.
Thems fightin' words.

[Grenadier]

I have no idea why I can't put on weight. But it's been this way for all of my 36 years. Maybe I have some horrid parasites inside me or something. And I fear maybe one day misfortune will strike me and one morning I'll wake up with a sudden 100 pounds. I actually wouldn't mind knowing what its like to be fat.

[gendoikari87]

Thems fightin' words.

I assure you, one will be enough. A second is asking for indigestion or worse.

[steelmage99]

All that food sounds delicious. I think I am going to go ahead and try some of those.

BUT

I have never played at any venue (private homes, gaming clubs or other public places) where anybody considered it even remotely appropriate to eat snacks or food anywhere near the gaming table, certainly not the gamers currently involved in a game and certainly not food eaten by hand.

Soft drinks or beer (or stronger alcohol)?...sure! But it is kept on a side-table, and never placed on or near the gaming surface.
Snacks and food? Completely and utterly unthinkable.

[SotonShades]

Soft drinks or beer (or stronger alcohol)?...sure! But it is kept on a side-table, and never placed on or near the gaming surface.

Deffinitely worth keeping that in mind. I've always been luck enough to keep food and drink away from my games, but I have heard stories from people about flash floods or beer from knocked over bottles and the like.

If I'm playing on a raised table, drinks tend to stay underneath (including while you are drinking them) or on a side table/cabinet. No one wants to play on a table someone spilled on where their models then refuse to come away from the surface!

[Grenadier]

After the infamous tobacco spit incident I allow no beverages on the table except for clear plastic bottled water.

Clean foods are the best for gaming grub. Like, avoid Cheetos lest you end up getting orange crud on your codex's pages or on your models. You'd think they'd make Cheetos with Teflon so this wouldn't happen.

[gendoikari87]

After the infamous tobacco spit incident I allow no beverages on the table except for clear plastic bottled water.

Clean foods are the best for gaming grub. Like, avoid Cheetos lest you end up getting orange crud on your codex's pages or on your models. You'd think they'd make Cheetos with Teflon so this wouldn't happen.
No, but they do use cheetoes as packing stuffing.

[Grenadier]

Yes they do. Identical to those cheese puffs. Only, they don't have any flavor. And let me tell you Cheetos are much tastier than packing material. Yes, I have eaten packing material. Pay me enough money and I'll pretty much eat anything provided it's not poop or bodily fluids.