Guardsman Marbo

[gwensdad]

I was reading the Guardsman Marbo writeup in Codex: IG, and for some very very strange reason....

I started thinking Chuck Norris facts.


Guardsman Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he recognizes is surprise.
Guardsman Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris checks his under his bed for Guardsman Marbo.
The Emperor will rise from the Golden Throne when Guardsman Marbo decides he needs to sit down.

[Inquisitor Soren]

Hmm, I like this threads concept!

I guess this is for those 'Guardsman Norris...erm...Marbo' jokes eh?

--

When Khorne goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Guardsman Marbo...

Guardsman Marbo can kill two stones with one bird...

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Guardsman Marbo has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears...

When Marbo finally speaks, the universe will listen. And all Xenos will die...

[Grotzooka]

Hah. These are always funny. A friend of mine replaces Norris with Chaplain Cassius, but you can use just about anyone you want.

[person person]

Marbo was actually inspired by Rambo, but hes so awesome he's the Chuck Norris of 40k.

[Aldramelech]

"In my jungle, your just another *******!"

(Bonus points for film and actor)

[Andrew283]

Guardsman Marbo can kill two greater deamons with one stone.
Guardsman Marbo went on a paper route when he was young..... There were NO survivors

[JuiceSpringsteen!]

The skulls Khorne harvests are actually his Tithe to Marbo.

Most Eversor assasins grow up to want to be like Marbo. Most Eversor assasins are killed by Marbo.

[robertsjf]

One from another forum, can't remember which:


Marbo taught Lion El Jonson a few of his less complex hiding tricks. People are still looking, 10,000 years later...

[RogueGarou]

Christopher Walken, "The Dogs of War".

[Fueldrop]

chuck norris can walk on water. guardsman marbo can swim through land!

[Vaddok Sek]

I've heard the same jokes with Leman Russ and Angron filled in as well but what the hell?

Guardsman Marbo doesn't shave, his body hair stays like it is out of fear.

Guardsman Marbo showers with Ajax, no water.

The tech adepts of Mars invented the Vortex missle in an attempt to replicate the power of a punch from Marbo. They didn't even come close. (though a recent game in which he punched out an ironclad dread makes me inclined to put Straken in this joke instead.)

When a squad breaks within LoS of Marbo the squad immediately regroups and becomes fearless and if a commissar is in the squad the commissar executes himself.

Guardsman Marbo discontinued and wrote out the Squats.

Guardsman Marbo doesn't go hunting, the word hunting implies possibility of failure, Marbo goes killing.

Guardsman Marbo sold his soul to the chaos gods for his rugged good looks and unmatched fighting skills, when the deal was finalized he punched them all out and took his soul back, because they can appreciate irony and wondered why even Tzeentch didn't see this one coming, the 5 of them now play poker on the 2nd tuesday of every month

[cobra6]

Someone once told Guardsman Marbo that the Ripper Pistol is not the best weapon available. Administratum record keepers now consider this the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

In order to keep his facial hair in a rugged 5 o'clock shadow, Guardsman Mardo is forced to punch himself in the face, because only Guardsman Marbo can cut Guardsman Marbo.

Once, in the aftermath of a battle, Guardsman Marbo happened across a dead ogryn. Marbo silently beckoned a nearby infantry platoon and when they approached, he laid his hands on the ogryn, bringing it back to life. As the platoon marveled at this miraculous feat, Marbo stabbed the ogryn in the face with his envenomed blade, killing it. Marbo did this to teach the other guardsmen that the good Marbo giveth and the good Marbo, he taketh away.

A multimelta is when Guardsman Marbo breaks wind. When he urinates it is a rapid firing plasma gun. If it overheats, you take an automatic wound. You get no armor, cover or invulnerable save. It causes instant death. Even to Eternal Warriors.

[eldargal]

When Marbo finished breastfeeding, it was an epic wean.


Sorry, I've had this bottled up for days.:rolleyes:

[LemanRussCommander]

An Exterminatus is the equivalent of one of Marbo's sneezes

[Cyberscape7]

Guadsmen Marbo can close the eye of terror if he winks in its general direction.
Just a shame he NEVER blinks...

[Duke]

Gaursdman marbos throne is platinum... Like he would ever need it!

Duke

[ColonelElibas]

One time Guardsman Marbo and Leman Russ got into an argument. A couple hours later the argument came to a head and Marbo punched Russ in the nose. A day later, Russ fled into the Eye of Terror, stating that he would come at the end or the 'Wolf Time'.

'Wolf Time' being the natural death of Guardsman Marbo.

Too bad Guardsman Marbo will never die.



Guardsman Marbo was so enraged during the Heresy that he made Sanguiniush red with jealousy so much so that the Primarch sabotaged his own Geneseed with Marbo's and cleverly called it the 'Red Thirst' because 'Marbo's Gene' was already taken.

[Kewlmon]

Guardsman Marbo once encountered a Mawloc, after being devoured and painfully digested, the Mawloc died.

Guardsman Marbo and the Emperor once had an argument over who is the best warrior in the imperium, guess which one is a bag of bones sitting one a throne.

[Necron2.0]

Marbo ... Hate that guy. Hate, hate, HATE him. I was winning the battle. He showed up. Took down an entire squad of Necron Warriors with his demolition charge. I phased out. HATE THAT GUY!!

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All Adepta Sororitas Orders issue writs of "Sino Sexus" where Marbo is concerned. It's generally recognized within the Ecclesiarchy that, no matter the Sister's faith, dedication and temperance, Marbo is irresistible.

Related: One of the biggest secrets in the Ecclesiarchy is that Marbo has managed to impregnate ever Sister Superior, of every order, on every systems he's been in and a few he's only been rumored to have been in, and there are several documented cases of Battle Sisters spontaneously becoming pregnant simply by walking where Marbo had been.

Also Related: One Sister Superior managed to maintain her composure in the presence of Guardsman Marbo. The strain killed her.

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By the way, have I mentioned HATE HIM!!!!