40K Humour!

[Skragger]

I'm stuck at work in an insurance company, and I need a great chuckle.. lets tell some 40K jokes! Tell me anything hysterical about 40K, be it fluff stupidity (Land Raiders underwater? Really?), great stories from battles (Creed being killed by a lone Termagaunt), or just hysterical 40K jokes (Ultramarines was a great movie!)

Lets put some humour in the Grimdark!

I'll open with an old one, the typo in the German version of the 40K rulebook (cant remember which edition) where they call him the "Horny Emperor" instead of "Holy Emperor".

And the time my Nob Bikerz charged a Chimera, blew it up, and managed to kill themselves in the process, without injuring the guardsmen inside! :cool:

[JxKxR]

My squad of fire warriors killed a 5 man strong squad of grey knight terminators in close combat. I thought it was funny, but my opponent didn't.

[Skragger]

A friend of mine who plays Tau caught an IG psycher in melee with a gun drone and it was just a cripple fight. Like happy slaps, they couldn't even hit eachother. It was always "*sigh* I guess we should roll these guys now" "*sigh* if we have to..."

[FTE-Charge!!!]

Long ago had an infiltrating, lone, scout Sentinel advance up the flank of a Tau army. They blew its heavy flamer off and ignored it the rest of the game. Ill be da&^ed but that Sentinel assaulted and destroyed 50% of his army unit by unit before it was stopped dead in its tracks by Battlesuits. I have never seen so many Firewarriors pwned in me life lol.

[Drew da Destroya]

How about the brilliant fluff piece in the Blood Angels codex, where the Blood Angels were fighting the Necron, when the Tyranid showed up!

The Necron (who are undying robots who wish to extinguish all life and feed the tasty souls to their uncaring star-gods) and the Blood Angels (rage filled superhumans who wish to exterminate all threats to the Imperium) set aside their differences, pwn the Tyranid, and decide not to keep fighting each other. Something about being "too weary" of the fighting?

Totally sounds plausible in a universe where there is only war. Also, how do undying robots get tired?

[Skragger]

My dear brother, who plays Salamanders (well.. he doesn't much play anymore, he played when they were blobbed into Codex Armageddon) brought an entire army of flamers against Thousand Sons (back when they were blobbed into the back of Codex: CSM (and therefore were fragging amazing). It was a slaughterhouse of dead Salamanders everywhere. My buddy lost 1. ONE. Thousand Son marine, in a 1000pt match.

This was the same Thousand Sons who brought 8 Aspiring Champion sorcerers with those little henchmen that let them shoot multiple str8 AP1 magic missiles a turn against a NID army with two Tyrants. He was a bit of a dick like that...

[Skragger]

How about the brilliant fluff piece in the Blood Angels codex, where the Blood Angels were fighting the Necron, when the Tyranid showed up!

The Necron (who are undying robots who wish to extinguish all life and feed the tasty souls to their uncaring star-gods) and the Blood Angels (rage filled superhumans who wish to exterminate all threats to the Imperium) set aside their differences, pwn the Tyranid, and decide not to keep fighting each other. Something about being "too weary" of the fighting?

Totally sounds plausible in a universe where there is only war. Also, how do undying robots get tired?

Thats fantastic! Its like each new codex needs to outdo its self in terms of "one piece of silly fluff". Space Wolves get waterproof landraiders, Blood Angels get chummy and have a brew after work with the 'Crons, I sense a "machine spirit imbued Segway" in the GK codex coming up...

[DrLove42]

Nah the GK' stupid fluff is Draigos storyline

He gets sucked into the warp, can't escape and now just lives in the world of the chaos gods, wandering round as he pleases, something the chaos gods themselves can't do. He also burns down Nurlge plague forests, destroys Tzeetchs Impossible city and block Khornes waterfall of blood with dead demon princes.

Hand on heart, all of that is in the codex for his fluff.

[Skragger]

Nah the GK' stupid fluff is Draigos storyline

He gets sucked into the warp, can't escape and now just lives in the world of the chaos gods, wandering round as he pleases, something the chaos gods themselves can't do. He also burns down Nurlge plague forests, destroys Tzeetchs Impossible city and block Khornes waterfall of blood with dead demon princes.

Hand on heart, all of that is in the codex for his fluff.

He also manages to cut down a tree with a herring and stops an unstoppable object, and his grandest achievement.. finally solves a rubiks cube!

[Skragger]

On a seperate, hobbying note.. does anyone else feel that these new forge world eldar look like they're failing difficult terrain tests on a deep strike/jump jet move?

http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/Warhammer-40000/Eldar/SHADOW-SPECTRES-EXARCH.html

[SotonShades]

As far as I was aware, Land Raiders have always been submersible. Plenty of stories about it back when the kit first came out, including one about a landraider that got abandonned in a bog for a hundred years and managed to dig itself out. I think it was a White Scars Land Raider called Emporer's Lightning or something.

Too be fair, any of the unit descriptions in the Ork Codex are hilarious. I especially like it where da burna boys set their friends on fire to make 'dem do da burny dance' :D

[Deadlift]

I spent a lot of time painting my Typhus model for my deathguard army, night after night for 2 weeks I worked on him to get him just right. I was very proud of him when I finally got to play him, f*cker only went and killed himself with his daemon weapon and didnt kill a damn thing :confused:

[Skragger]

I spent a lot of time painting my Typhus model for my deathguard army, night after night for 2 weeks I worked on him to get him just right. I was very proud of him when I finally got to play him, f*cker only went and killed himself with his daemon weapon and didnt kill a damn thing :confused:

"I'm too beautiful to live!" *STAB*


As far as I was aware, Land Raiders have always been submersible. Plenty of stories about it back when the kit first came out, including one about a landraider that got abandonned in a bog for a hundred years and managed to dig itself out. I think it was a White Scars Land Raider called Emporer's Lightning or something.

Too be fair, any of the unit descriptions in the Ork Codex are hilarious. I especially like it where da burna boys set their friends on fire to make 'dem do da burny dance' :D


The idea of the Shokk Attakk Gun alone is sheer brilliance, and the fact that it works in the first place proves that Orkz is da best!

[JxKxR]

I spent a lot of time painting my Typhus model for my deathguard army, night after night for 2 weeks I worked on him to get him just right. I was very proud of him when I finally got to play him, f*cker only went and killed himself with his daemon weapon and didnt kill a damn thing :confused:

That is crazy because my Typhus has never been killed. I love him so much.

[Bigthunda]

.

[Bigthunda]

[QUOTE=Skragger;126765]On a seperate, hobbying note.. does anyone else feel that these new forge world eldar look like they're failing difficult terrain tests on a deep strike/jump jet move?


He definitely looks like he's getting impaled on a sharp rock...fortune can't save you from rectal bleeding, no matter your invuln save.

[Scion_of_Terra]

Wanna hear a joke? 3rd to 4th ed. CSM codex.

Wanna hear another joke? GW Sample Army Lists

Wanna hear another one? Rumors say that Dark Eldar are getting a new codex!!!
Wait a minute...

[Skragger]

I found it hysterical how much my friend who plays a WHFB goblin army was freaking out over their increase from 2 points a model to 3. Explaining he could now only field around 300 models in a 1000 point game.. I hate him and his movement phases.

[DWest]

On the subject of "it was pretty funny, if you're not the opponent that is" I had an immobilized Razorback stuck on my opponent's objective last tournament. He gave it the full Blood Angels treatment, but it didn't pop after 3 meltaguns and followup assaults from 4 different Assault Squads. The model is now on my painting bench, getting double helpings of purity seals

[Cyberscape7]

Well there was one game I played with Eldar and my opponent was Nids. My avatar was casually strolling across the battlefield. Then the Trygon Prime deep-striked behind me causing slight disruption. So my avatar turns around, shoots it and slaughters it in close combat and returns to its original job.:D

[Skragger]

In a slightly too much beer and pretzels match, when my one friend had to leave to use the loo, we figured it'd be hysterical to hide his force commander and command squad, he didn't notice they were missing for the entire game.

[TSINI]

theres a bit of fluff in the nid codex about the tyranids arriving in a TAU sector, at the same time a necron tomb awakens and destroys the tyranid invasion force. The TAU then hold a huge ceremony in the necron's honour for saving them. The necrons make planetfall and anihilate them all.

I guess it's their party and they'll fry if they want to?

[Lerra]

Overheard at the LGS:

Tom: ". . . and Lysander is going to assault that Long Fang Pack."
Dick: "Dude, he's not even close to being in range for that."
Tom: "Lysander can charge 12 inches."
Dick: "What?"
Tom, yelling across the room to his friend: "Hey Harry, Lysander is a beast, isn't he?"
Harry: "Yeah, Lysander is totally a beast."

[Skragger]

Overheard at the LGS:

Tom: ". . . and Lysander is going to assault that Long Fang Pack."
Dick: "Dude, he's not even close to being in range for that."
Tom: "Lysander can charge 12 inches."
Dick: "What?"
Tom, yelling across the room to his friend: "Hey Harry, Lysander is a beast, isn't he?"
Harry: "Yeah, Lysander is totally a beast."

I remember an old friend of mine (whos long since moved away) trying to convince me that las-cannons wound even on a 1.. "Cause.. I mean.. comon.. its a Las-CANNON"

Sure Dave.. shall we roll to see where the las-cannon-ball bounced?

He did try to come up with a cool rule for lascannons where they could kill multiple infantry because the beam is strong enough to punch through a redshirted guard.

[Drew da Destroya]

Overheard at the LGS:

Tom: ". . . and Lysander is going to assault that Long Fang Pack."
Dick: "Dude, he's not even close to being in range for that."
Tom: "Lysander can charge 12 inches."
Dick: "What?"
Tom, yelling across the room to his friend: "Hey Harry, Lysander is a beast, isn't he?"
Harry: "Yeah, Lysander is totally a beast."

Lol. Lysander is a beast.

[I NoSe]

My favorite piece of fluff came out of the Armageddon codex. It involved a Death Korps Russ driver on the front lines against Chaos. A Bloodthirster tears the roof off of his tank then the gunner pulls out his laspistol and shoots the remaining ammo blowing them both up. One of the reasons i started a DKoK army.

[Kieranator K82]

Well one time I had two or three IG Stormtroopers killed by a shield drone (yes, one shield drone).

Also a real, philosophical joke:
If Slaanesh is the god of sex, then how is it that Tzeentch is the one with a Thousand Sons? :confused:

[Mr.Pickelz]

i had a Grey Knight Grandmaster with small retinue that killed everything they fought against in a match against orks.2 mobz of boyz, and full squad of tricked out Nobz with a warboss... However, the one thing that brought him down was a lone Grot that got the charge...

[mrphatman]

i played a nid army (before the new one) i had a full squad of ogren and he had a hive tyrint that keep running away from them while they tried shooting it to death thought it was funny cause from what i know nids don't run from anything

[Unzuul the Lascivious]

Whilst playing a game of Apocalypse in one corner of the room, out of nowhere my gaming buddy Steve, playing another friend Alex at WFB just jumps out of his seat after making some roll or the other and screams 'YES! IN YOUR F***ING FACE YOU BALD F**K!' He'd beaten something, but in the tumultuous laughter, I never found out what it was. Good times.

[sneaky pete]

I just played a league game where my Land Raider took 48 Thunder Hammer hits and suffered NO damage! It is now on my painting table awaiting more purity seals and an appropriate naming.

[Squirrel_Fish]

What did the Apothecary study in college?

Marine Biology.

Ba-dum! Pssshhh!!! I'll be here all night folks.

[Emerald Rose Widow]

Well one time I had two or three IG Stormtroopers killed by a shield drone (yes, one shield drone).

Also a real, philosophical joke:
If Slaanesh is the god of sex, then how is it that Tzeentch is the one with a Thousand Sons? :confused:

This is a very valid question, you would think the got of sex would have a harem of children

[Skragger]

i had a Grey Knight Grandmaster with small retinue that killed everything they fought against in a match against orks.2 mobz of boyz, and full squad of tricked out Nobz with a warboss... However, the one thing that brought him down was a lone Grot that got the charge...

I hope he converted that Grot to have some kind of trophy after.. oh man..

[Skragger]

What did the Apothecary study in college?

Marine Biology.

Ba-dum! Pssshhh!!! I'll be here all night folks.

Oh man... OOHH man.. Ima kill you...

[eldargal]

Three Sisters of Battle walk into a chocolate shop and order a giant chocolate candelabara.Then they go down the street and visit a grocers, buying a vat of vegetable oil and three jugs of cream.They then purchase a coil of rope from a hardware store and head back to theri monastery.Once there, the three Sisters lock themselves in a room and
<SUPRESSED BY ORDER OF THE INQUISITION>

I've posted this before, but I think its worth repeating:
One of our group, known as "nid lady', was playing a game against her sons Blood Angels. She says:
"Right, my Carnifex brood their are going to ejac-ulate their bio plasma onto your Death Company"
Her son "Don't use that word!"
"What, Death Company"
"No, the other one!"
"Carnifex?"
"Ejac-ulate!"
"Oh, why not?"
"Its freaking me out!"
"Well, you just need to ejac-ulate more"
"JESUS CHRIST MOTHER!

Poor boy was so flustered he lost the game convincingly. I was laughing so hard I nearly stabbed myself in the face with a Wych.


I've got some other rather amusing stories that have arisen after my friends or myself have used our 'feminine wiles' to win games, not sure if I should post them or not.

[Brotherjames]

I think the worst I've seen was a mini campaign based off of twilight for Team Dante or Team Logan

[Corvus-Master-of-The-4th]

I had two Penitent Engines in an Apocalypse game... First got immobilised, second killed a Rhino the Chaos Space Marine's inside, a Defiller (in cover) and then another random Defiller, it could have done more but the game was over D:.

[SotonShades]

I've got some other rather amusing stories that have arisen after my friends or myself have used our 'feminine wiles' to win games, not sure if I should post them or not.

Yes. Yes you should :D

I remember a time I was using my Armoured Battlegroup list; One Leman Russ fired it's battlecannon and more or less scattered the full distance, hitting another of my Leman Russes and taking off a heavy bolter sponson. The damaged Leman Russ then fires her battlecannon, again manages to scatter about 7 or so inches, landing squarely on the side armour of the Leman Russ that had shot it! Didn't lose a gun unfortunately, the whole thing exploded!

Way way way back when, under the old Kill Team rules, 4th Ed, couple of SM codex editions ago as well... playing a 3v3 killteam game, Chaos, Tau and Nids vs 3 lots of space marines. Turn one, non-marines get first turn, and the Tau wipeout my Marines apart from a Veteran Sergeant with a powerfist and a very basic Chaplain, other marine kill teams are untouched. The Serg and Chap then go on to take out all 400 points of Genestealers on their own. We still managed to lose the game though :)

[Skragger]

I've got some other rather amusing stories that have arisen after my friends or myself have used our 'feminine wiles' to win games, not sure if I should post them or not.

Yes, please please do post!

[Skragger]

A friend of mine who plays IG lost all the weapons on one of his Leman Russes, so he decided to have it tank shock merrily around the battlefield. Its crowning moment was when he rammed the side of a building and destroyed the building, taking out a Big Mek with SAG and 15 Lootaz, and the tank still survived.

He's famous for painting kill markings on his vehicles, so now it has a tiny building painted on the side of the turret, and he's named it "Loose Cannon"

[eldargal]

Well, I don't want to further the stereotype of the manipulative female gamer so I will just say that we onyl do things like this when someone is being particularly obnoxious and deserves it, or jokingly with people we trust and have known for years. Like most of my brothers friends.

So, last year we were playing a doubles tournament. I had my Eldar and was teamed with my best friend who had he SoB. Our opponents were a fairly new member (who is quite nice) and his cousin, both around 14. His cousin was being particularly obnoxious, in that special way 14 year old boys have when they are desperately trying to show that they aren't terrified of girls.:rolleyes:
So, he is being thorougly rude and says 'Hey, if you lose you two have to kiss' while ferrying his models on the table. My friend says 'why wait' and we kiss for a bit, he drops his valkyrie on the floor and breaks it. The looks in their faces were amazing*. Then they both spend the whole game in a kind of fugue state, hands shaking so much they can barely move their models. Much amusement had by all.

Hm think I'd better leave it there, I don't want to get an undeserved reputation as a slattern.


*Not too far from this: :eek:.

[Lemt]

Well, I don't want to further the stereotype of the manipulative female gamer so I will just say that we onyl do things like this when someone is being particularly obnoxious and deserves it, or jokingly with people we trust and have known for years. Like most of my brothers friends.

So, last year we were playing a doubles tournament. I had my Eldar and was teamed with my best friend who had he SoB. Our opponents were a fairly new member (who is quite nice) and his cousin, both around 14. His cousin was being particularly obnoxious, in that special way 14 year old boys have when they are desperately trying to show that they aren't terrified of girls.:rolleyes:
So, he is being thorougly rude and says 'Hey, if you lose you two have to kiss' while ferrying his models on the table. My friend says 'why wait' and we kiss for a bit, he drops his valkyrie on the floor and breaks it. The looks in their faces were amazing*. Then they both spend the whole game in a kind of fugue state, hands shaking so much they can barely move their models. Much amusement had by all.

Hm think I'd better leave it there, I don't want to get an undeserved reputation as a slattern.


*Not too far from this: :eek:.

How bad was the damage? On the Valk, I mean.

EDIT: I'll give a story of my own. I started 40k with Necrons. Once a squad of 5 Terminators assaulted 10 Warriors. The Terminators were wiped out in that same assault phase, and I suffered no damage at all.
I also played with the Deceiver. He dominated my games against that player, up to the point that he discovered Sternguard. 12 shots that wound on a 2+ make T8 feel kind of useless.

[eldargal]

Not too bad, I checked. Felt rather guilty. Nothing a little glue and a touch up with the paint wouldn't put right.

[Skragger]

Not too bad, I checked. Felt rather guilty. Nothing a little glue and a touch up with the paint wouldn't put right.

I can only imagine what he told his friends.. with elaboration naturally!

Its not quite the same when guys do it, the psychological effect just doesn't cut it in the same way...

[He who shall not be named]

Well i have a story about a game i played.

So it was the day after christmas and my friend and i head over to the closest games workshop. So when we get there my friend and I split up and go find a game. I had brought my Deathwing with me. So i end up playing against a jerk of a kid playing space wolves (they had just come out). So throughout the entire game he was criticizing my army of 17 guys obviously thinking that it would be an easy game. However he became a bit quiet when my 5 man command squad wiped out his 9 terminators while i only lost two guys. So a long story short i end up winning with 3 guys on the table with one termie on my home objective and belial and one other guy contesting his. Of course he decides to argue that i am not close enough to the objective and not wanting to argue anymore i just let him believe that it was a draw.

[Skragger]

I was trying to strip a horrible painting job off some plastic terminators I got online, so I set them in a tub of paint thinner, and forgot about them. For 3 months. When I came back I had a very exciting looking bit of plastic slag at the bottom of the container - the best part is there was still a hand visible - reaching up as if he were saying

"Heeellppp meeeee!"

I turned the blob into a spawn of chaos =D Conversion.. SUCCESSFUL! :cool:

[Skragger]

1000 Point game, Orks vs GK (pre-this codex GK) and my opponent DS two GK termie squads that both had unfortunate accidents involving buildings. It was a very one sided match!

[Gir]

I had an apoc game where I was deep striking a 10 man vangaurd squad loaded with plasma pistols and power weapons. They mishaped onto a monolith and where destroyed. The image being all these marines splatting into the side of the monolith like a car hitting bugs.

[Renegade]

I can only imagine what he told his friends.. with elaboration naturally!

Its not quite the same when guys do it, the psychological effect just doesn't cut it in the same way...

Lol! Now that could be nasty at a tourney... I think this would work http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYpRkARK8Io&feature=related

[JxKxR]

How bad was the damage? On the Valk, I mean.

LOL, I got to that part and thought "Oh no! his model." although he did get to watch two chicks kiss so he probable didn't care too much.

[JxKxR]

Once when the cops came over because the neighbors were having a domestic dispute they came in to talk to me because I had called it in (They were getting really out of hand) so the cops see the warhammer table and ask what it is. Well I felt like messing with them a little so I start telling them that it is where I lay down the law. Then I started picking up tanks and little guys and start making sound effects "pew pew" "Aaargh" then I asked them if they wanted to play, sadly though they seemed a bit freaked out and left in a hurry. Oh well.:rolleyes:

[lobster-overlord]

Also a real, philosophical joke:
If Slaanesh is the god of sex, then how is it that Tzeentch is the one with a Thousand Sons? :confused:

Because after one Noise Marine, Slaanesh was jealous of Tzeentch's quite Marines and go itself sterilized. (if you have any kids, especially three loud ones like I do, you'll understand!)

[Corvus-Master-of-The-4th]

Lol! Now that could be nasty at a tourney... I think this would work http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYpRkARK8Io&feature=related

That would be funny :L

[Brotherjames]

I had an apoc game where I was deep striking a 10 man vangaurd squad loaded with plasma pistols and power weapons. They mishaped onto a monolith and where destroyed. The image being all these marines splatting into the side of the monolith like a car hitting bugs.

I had a landraider mishap on the fortress redemption during a planet strike game with Gabriel Seth, 10 RAS, and a chappy. I still say that building should of took a strengh 14 hit from the impact

[Skragger]

I had a landraider mishap on the fortress redemption during a planet strike game with Gabriel Seth, 10 RAS, and a chappy. I still say that building should of took a strengh 14 hit from the impact

Thats usually how we play. If a vehicle deep strikes into something we count it as a ramming move as if the vehicle had moved 30 inches. This cannot be on purpose (no using drop pods/drop sentinels as giant slingshots). Same with if a vehicle deep strikes onto troops we count it as a tank shock (with no death or glory), the models are moved out of the way of the falling object, then a large blast template is placed over the vehicle and anything under the template takes a Str 4 hit.

In a more humourous note, a friend had a tau battlesuit commander land on a chaos rhino and die. Now we know why they have so many spikey bitz!

[Mystery.Shadow]

I was trying to strip a horrible painting job off some plastic terminators I got online, so I set them in a tub of paint thinner, and forgot about them. For 3 months. When I came back I had a very exciting looking bit of plastic slag at the bottom of the container - the best part is there was still a hand visible - reaching up as if he were saying

"Heeellppp meeeee!"

I turned the blob into a spawn of chaos =D Conversion.. SUCCESSFUL! :cool:

I sure hope you have pics.... 'Cuz I want to see this!!

[Skragger]

I sure hope you have pics.... 'Cuz I want to see this!!

I gave it as a present to one of my buddies. I'll ask him to grab a pic of it for me!

[EasyC]

Way Back in 2nd edition I had a Chaos terminator blow up a Viper that then blew up a wraithguard squad (vehicles would fly out of control in 2nd edition) and in 2nd when the Warithguard died (or got hit so hard or something) they would suck people into the warp around them and I saw half a sqaud of Guardians and half a Squad of Reapers Disappear, all from one Reaper autocannon shot from a terminator!

[Mystery.Shadow]

Cool! A very expensive Chaos Spawn tho!


A funny White Dwarf story:

A kid walks into a Book Store asking for the latest issue of White Dwarf.
"Excuse me, do you have White Dwarf magazine?"
"Wet Dorf? What's that?"
"It's a game magazine."
"We don't sell those kind of magazines here."
"Yes you do, I bought one here last month."
"What kind of magazine is it??"
"It's a game mag."
"We don't sell gay magazines here."
"No, not a gay magazine, it's a game magazine. It has pictures of boys playing with model men."
"Get out! Get out of here you creep!"

[Skragger]

Way Back in 2nd edition I had a Chaos terminator blow up a Viper that then blew up a wraithguard squad (vehicles would fly out of control in 2nd edition) and in 2nd when the Warithguard died (or got hit so hard or something) they would suck people into the warp around them and I saw half a sqaud of Guardians and half a Squad of Reapers Disappear, all from one Reaper autocannon shot from a terminator!

I remember that sucking into the warp and vehicles spiralling out of countrol. They did something similar with Ork Trukks where when they're exploded they can careen out of control, but the rule is really stupid because if it would come in contact with another unit it just stops. We house rule it so it counts as a ram/tank shock. We also house rule Valkyries dropping out of the sky and walkers toppling over - makes the game more fun!



Cool! A very expensive Chaos Spawn tho!


A funny White Dwarf story:

A kid walks into a Book Store asking for the latest issue of White Dwarf.
"Excuse me, do you have White Dwarf magazine?"
"Wet Dorf? What's that?"
"It's a game magazine."
"We don't sell those kind of magazines here."
"Yes you do, I bought one here last month."
"What kind of magazine is it??"
"It's a game mag."
"We don't sell gay magazines here."
"No, not a gay magazine, it's a game magazine. It has pictures of boys playing with model men."
"Get out! Get out of here you creep!"


Boys playing with their toys? :D

[Necro]

Had a friend that was all excited about ordering some plastic figures for his home-brew game. It's a fairly straight process for making rapid prototyping easy (http://www.realizeinc.com/), but he was a little rushed. He was so excited about the whole process that accidentally failed to mention the GENDER of his characters. He got a whole box of Orc-like females.
____________________________
<3 finding a funny status (http://www.postrandomonium.com)

[eldargal]

This happened just this evening. Well, yesterday evening now. Our resident 'nid lady was watching her son play one of our other 'nid players:

'Nid lady: I like your mycetic spore.
Player: Thanks, I made them from pine cones, plaster and a little greenstuff.
'Nid lady: Points to the orifice on his mycetic spore, turns to her son and says 'You came out of something like that, sweetie.'

[Skragger]

This happened just this evening. Well, yesterday evening now. Our resident 'nid lady was watching her son play one of our other 'nid players:

'Nid lady: I like your mycetic spore.
Player: Thanks, I made them from pine cones, plaster and a little greenstuff.
'Nid lady: Points to the orifice on his mycetic spore, turns to her son and says 'You came out of something like that, sweetie.'

I love this lady! Is she always like this? Outside of warhammer I mean.

Reminds me of the time I saw a guy puke into his mini's case.. poor, poor guy =(

[sneaky pete]

This happened just this evening. Well, yesterday evening now. Our resident 'nid lady was watching her son play one of our other 'nid players:

'Nid lady: I like your mycetic spore.
Player: Thanks, I made them from pine cones, plaster and a little greenstuff.
'Nid lady: Points to the orifice on his mycetic spore, turns to her son and says 'You came out of something like that, sweetie.'

LMFAO (sorry for the profantity)...

Question...would it be considered infanticide to kill your child with embarassment?

[eldargal]

Yes she is, though between her and her son and husband all being hobbyists she pretty much lives Warhammer. 40k anyway. Hm that reminds me, need to ask her whats happening with her Lizardmen army.


I love this lady! Is she always like this? Outside of warhammer I mean.

Reminds me of the time I saw a guy puke into his mini's case.. poor, poor guy =(

[shrike]

I have a scout sarge.
He suicided his 5-man CCW squad into combat with a deamon prince in an attempt to slow it down for a turn.
All his men died, so he beat the prince up over 3 turns with no help.
I named him Caddius.
He then did the same with an avatar of khaine.
I gave him a purity seal.
Again with a monolith (meltabomb glance death), while causing the 20 warriors inside it to not turn up.
I gave him a purity seal.
Again with a Chaplain and chapter master.
A new paintjob.
Since then, he's meltabombed and/or stabbed:
2 land speeders
creed (twice)
kell (twice)
2 vindicators
2 predators
2 leman russes
and many, many more.
I would promote him to a space marine or give him a power fist, but I like to think his luck is in the model, and to change it would remove said luck.

[He who shall not be named]

I have a scout sarge.
He suicided his 5-man CCW squad into combat with a deamon prince in an attempt to slow it down for a turn.
All his men died, so he beat the prince up over 3 turns with no help.
I named him Caddius.
He then did the same with an avatar of khaine.
I gave him a purity seal.
Again with a monolith (meltabomb glance death), while causing the 20 warriors inside it to not turn up.
I gave him a purity seal.
Again with a Chaplain and chapter master.
A new paintjob.
Since then, he's meltabombed and/or stabbed:
2 land speeders
creed (twice)
kell (twice)
2 vindicators
2 predators
2 leman russes
and many, many more.
I would promote him to a space marine or give him a power fist, but I like to think his luck is in the model, and to change it would remove said luck.

All i can say is that he is lady luck's champion.

[ScrutMaster]

Back when the old GK codex was new, I played Gk against my friends IG and he opted to take a generic greater deamon. Well needless to say my Inguisitor and his retinue of henchmen charge the deamon hoping to kill it quickly. The Inquisitor brought the deamon to 1 wound before he died. Then the deamon proceeds to own the other henchmen until a lone servitor skull is left alive. Well needless to say the servo skull ends up killing a greater deamon in melee.

[Shadsoun]

So I was playing one of my first ever matches with my tau against a friend who was using the old codex wtih the DE. I forgot the named characters name (he always called her 'she' so maybe lelith?) but they rolled up on my only two broadsides that had been making swiss cheese of his tansports. To shove it in my face he declared they'd take 2 battle drugs. Another friend looked up from their game and declared "tau suck, just take 3 drugs and really pwn them." So he did. And he rolled all 1's. His most expensive model died twitching in front of two broadsides who I assume were elated at the thought of not becoming mince meat. The guy who had reccomended 3 just laughed and said "that is why they say drugs are bad."

[shadosun]

So yeah, it seems I managed to type the username I wanted, so that horrible mashup of a username above me is actualy this profile, and that story was my attempt at making a neat first posting on this site lol. I take responsibility for my typo but would still like to note that deployment sucks and 12hr days really wear on your typing skill :P

[Lemt]

So yeah, it seems I managed to type the username I wanted, so that horrible mashup of a username above me is actualy this profile, and that story was my attempt at making a neat first posting on this site lol. I take responsibility for my typo but would still like to note that deployment sucks and 12hr days really wear on your typing skill :P

Silly Tau, days are 24 hours long. :p

[DrLove42]

And its just ironic you still misspelt Shadow Sun :P

[Skragger]

I have a scout sarge.
He suicided his 5-man CCW squad into combat with a deamon prince in an attempt to slow it down for a turn.
All his men died, so he beat the prince up over 3 turns with no help.
I named him Caddius.
He then did the same with an avatar of khaine.
I gave him a purity seal.
Again with a monolith (meltabomb glance death), while causing the 20 warriors inside it to not turn up.
I gave him a purity seal.
Again with a Chaplain and chapter master.
A new paintjob.
Since then, he's meltabombed and/or stabbed:
2 land speeders
creed (twice)
kell (twice)
2 vindicators
2 predators
2 leman russes
and many, many more.
I would promote him to a space marine or give him a power fist, but I like to think his luck is in the model, and to change it would remove said luck.


He should so be promoted to special character status, get his own fluff, and henchman ***** model to follow him around and shine his glorious booties.


So yeah, it seems I managed to type the username I wanted, so that horrible mashup of a username above me is actualy this profile, and that story was my attempt at making a neat first posting on this site lol. I take responsibility for my typo but would still like to note that deployment sucks and 12hr days really wear on your typing skill :P


So I was playing one of my first ever matches with my tau against a friend who was using the old codex wtih the DE. I forgot the named characters name (he always called her 'she' so maybe lelith?) but they rolled up on my only two broadsides that had been making swiss cheese of his tansports. To shove it in my face he declared they'd take 2 battle drugs. Another friend looked up from their game and declared "tau suck, just take 3 drugs and really pwn them." So he did. And he rolled all 1's. His most expensive model died twitching in front of two broadsides who I assume were elated at the thought of not becoming mince meat. The guy who had reccomended 3 just laughed and said "that is why they say drugs are bad."

Brilliant! The guy charges in firing on 'Roid Rage and just kinda peeters out on the way there just collapsing infront of the broadsides. The broadsides look at eachother and say "Well.. that was easy!"

Welcome to the forums!

[Skragger]

Yes she is, though between her and her son and husband all being hobbyists she pretty much lives Warhammer. 40k anyway. Hm that reminds me, need to ask her whats happening with her Lizardmen army.

Oh dear gods.. I can only imagine what comes out of her mouth when she's talking about giant lizards and snakes.. :D

[Skragger]

This only happened once, and every try after has failed..

Ork Trukk ramming a Baneblade with 1 structure point left, and killing it. 25" move for the win!

[Fellend]

Playing apocalypse at my local club there was a 7-10 year old boy that wanted to join (...I thought it was a girl, but that's another story) He owned all of ten marines, straight out of the Black Reach box.

Having watched my Black Templar struggling to kill 5 monoliths for about 5 hours he finally musters the courage to ask if he can play as well. I say of course you can. Just come in from reserve at the start of the next turn.

This leads to a quite the argument with the master of the club and his squad of goons, after being nagged at for 15 minutes I put the kids models on the table, say that the arrived via teleporting from my battlebarge and if anyone wants to argue we can go outside and have the conversation there...

Exchanging glances at each other they finally agree. He's in the game and can move next turn, "After all, how much can 200points of marines do?"

The kid starts his round with launching the missile launcher at the megamonlith thing (can't remember the name) and exploding it, then proceedes to wipe out a squad of immortals with his other five marines.
Once the round is over he says he has to go home and eat now. So he takes his marines and go.
The otherside spent the rest of the day trying to glare me to death.

[Lemt]

That kid, the Dice Gods smile upon him. He may be... The One.

[eldargal]

Not as much as you might think, she does the whole 'embaressing comment you never want to hear fom your mother especially if she is hot and 30' thing to humiliate her son into being well-mannered. She only says those comments when he is being ill mannered, and as he only plays 40k its mostly when she is playing 40k the comments burst forth.:) For example, he made some joking comment about his oppoonents 'momma' and her (alleged) promiscuity and she said 'I wouldn't get too high and mighty, sweetie, your momma had you when she was 15'. She is very fond of making rude remarks, which I cannot repeat here, whenever she scores a penetrating hit on one of my Eldar vehicles.:rolleyes:



Oh dear gods.. I can only imagine what comes out of her mouth when she's talking about giant lizards and snakes.. :D

[DrLove42]

http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m252/drlove42/demotivational-posters-orks.jpg

[Skragger]

Not as much as you might think, she does the whole 'embaressing comment you never want to hear fom your mother especially if she is hot and 30' thing to humiliate her son into being well-mannered. She only says those comments when he is being ill mannered, and as he only plays 40k its mostly when she is playing 40k the comments burst forth.:) For example, he made some joking comment about his oppoonents 'momma' and her (alleged) promiscuity and she said 'I wouldn't get too high and mighty, sweetie, your momma had you when she was 15'. She is very fond of making rude remarks, which I cannot repeat here, whenever she scores a penetrating hit on one of my Eldar vehicles.:rolleyes:

This woman is very quickly becoming my favourite woman. Rather than yell, or scream, or hit her child, she just shames him! Its a great parenting technique.. sadly.. I don't see too many parenting books appearing on the shelves in the near future about it.. "Embarrassing! The new parenting way!"

[Skragger]

Hey everyone!

Remember when Turgon said that drop pod doors count as part of the hull? Bahahaha! :D

[Skragger]

Back when I used to play DoW1, the game hated my soundcard with a passion, and would always give weird sound glitches and effects.

One time I was playing as the IG, and my commander yelled "FOR THE EMPER-GGZZZKKKKAAAAABBBMMM" <- as the sound card glitched out.

Its become a bit of an inside joke with some friends of mine, and we're fond of yelling it at tournaments. Oh the looks we get.

Same game, same problem: SM Dreadnaught sounding like an Ork Warboss. "Where's the Trukk?! WHYS I WALKIN'?!" is shining gold when it comes from a 'Dread.

[eldargal]

My brother deepstruck two Land Raiders in front of my Eldar, a healthy distance apart. They scattered into each other, and the one with all his HQs and whatnot was destroyed. The other one was then blown up by a brightlance and took most of its Death Company with it in the explosion (S4 agains T4 and FNP, haw). Then another time both Land Raiders scattered 6' into impassable terrain and were destroyed.

Happy times.

Oh and one of the younger members of our group ws having a hissy fit about Grey Knights ripping off Grey Wardens from Dragon Age.