Message to Mr Abaddon

[Bedroom General]

Dear Abby,
Look me old China, I know you're all badazz and stuff and, as the orks would say "Well killy" but, and please don't get upset, here's the thing. Get a haircut. You ain't a Sikh, or Samson from the myths of Ancient Terra, so the giant spiky hairband and luxurious flowing locks, y'know, just a bit..umm My little rending pony, for the look you're trying to go with. I mean, lots of cool action heroes rock the baldy, like Creeed!! or Huron or McClane or Riddickulous, or that mad wych Brittany Spears. Get a head tatt like Kerry King (1st Co. Slayers). Also, you remember that really cool helmet of yours, Y'know the one you have the jellybeings in on your desk? Liked that I did, think its real cool for those times you get shot in the FACE! You know how you said it doesn't sit right anymore, how it hovered above your head? We all tried not to laugh (except those Slaaneshi guys, and we all know what happened to them, right?) So have a rethink, I mean the only guy that can successfully pull off the long locks is Fabey Baby, and thats 'cos he surgically altered himself to look like Mickey Rourke (1st Co. Wrestlers.), and you know the clubs Fabey hangs out in! Genetically perfect supermen indeed. So anyway, have a think about it will ya, see you at the next Black Crusade.
Have an increasingly violent and bloody day.
Your mate Ahri
(remember, change is a good thing!) ;)

[Herald of Nurgle]

Dear Abby,
Look me old China, I know you're all badazz and stuff and, as the orks would say "Well killy" but, and please don't get upset, here's the thing. Get a haircut. You ain't a Sikh, or Samson from the myths of Ancient Terra, so the giant spiky hairband and luxurious flowing locks, y'know, just a bit..umm My little rending pony, for the look you're trying to go with. I mean, lots of cool action heroes rock the baldy, like Creeed!! or Huron or McClane or Riddickulous, or that mad wych Brittany Spears. Get a head tatt like Kerry King (1st Co. Slayers). Also, you remember that really cool helmet of yours, Y'know the one you have the jellybeings in on your desk? Liked that I did, think its real cool for those times you get shot in the FACE! You know how you said it doesn't sit right anymore, how it hovered above your head? We all tried not to laugh (except those Slaaneshi guys, and we all know what happened to them, right?) So have a rethink, I mean the only guy that can successfully pull off the long locks is Fabey Baby, and thats 'cos he surgically altered himself to look like Mickey Rourke (1st Co. Wrestlers.), and you know the clubs Fabey hangs out in! Genetically perfect supermen indeed. So anyway, have a think about it will ya, see you at the next Black Crusade.
Have an increasingly violent and bloody day.
Your mate Ahri
(remember, change is a good thing!) ;)

Dear Ahri,
Unfortunately Abaddon can't answer his mail right now (he said something about 'Cadia' and '14th' so i'm sure its important), so he asked me to do it for him.
As the leader of a warband of kitty litter and psychic showoffs, I suppose you probably know far more about fashion than the Warmaster would. Afterall, Prospero was always known for its hair salons far more than its, y'know, VAST LIBRARIES OF UNIMAGINABLE KNOWLEDGE.
While Abbadon certainly has chosen a pretty retro style that is sooo 31st millenium, at least he has style. You on the other hand can go back to finding a red library, you foolish fool.
Your mate, Typhus.
PS: I attached a Nurgling to this letter. Says his name is Jeff. I think he's made from Cholera, but to be honest I don't care. Remember, a Nurgling is for life and not just for Crusademas.

[Grailkeeper]

How's it goin Lads?

Time to puut aside the squabllingfor a moment- like that time we all got together to invade Tallarn, but got lost on the way and invaded Valhalla instead_ that was fun, at least until Kharn turned up. Man were we over dressed. Anyway I was talking to fabius bile and he reckons plastic surgery is going to be M42's look. He said he could do a job lot cheap a few nips and tucks here and there- make us able to pass for 4/5 thousand years old tops. Altough I have heard rumours he has recently been chanelling the spirits of Jone Riphers and Share- ever changing entites that seem to be a handmaidens of Slaanesh and Tzeench. Anyway if either of you are around Ultima setor any time I've found the greatest little place that does these great flaming promethium shots.


Your mutual friend
- Lucius.

[BlackKnight15624]

You will all suffer the emperor's wrath! The emperor is the only true source of fashion sense, both in the 31st and 41st millenia! I mean, sure, he's a corpse on a throne that no one outside the Custodes and a battle sister has seen in 10,000 years, but... But... BURN THE HERETIC!!!

...what were we talking about?

-Inquisitor Karamazov

Sent from my pimped out throne on the Sprint Now Network

[Bedroom General]

Typhus, long time no seep!
lolled at the kitty litter gag, didn't share it with the lads though, they haven't got the sense of humour they used to, you know. They've still got a sense of smell though, who knew? I took Lil' Jeff with me in the lift, you should have seen my rubic bodyguard shuffling uncomfortably and staring at each other and surreptitiously checking their boots! Priceless!! I'm a big fan of change, as you know, but a good fart in the elevator joke is timeless, nice one! Lets catch up with Lucy for a few promethium shots, if you've still got a liver that is. Hey are you still going out with that colostomy bag?
Tell Abby he should try to catch Kharn's stand up routine, its great. He starts with audience volunteers, does some Khorney axe jokes and ends up juggling their heads! Awesome, he really knows how to slay an audience!
Cheerio
Ahri

[Denzark]

Kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn................... Kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn ................... Abbadon wears a wig..........kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn............fabius bile poncey hair extensions..............kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn kill maim burn hurty hurt with blunt spoon

Love and huggy-wugs,

Kharn

[eldargal]

Dear Typhusss,
Pleassse sssend more nurglingsss, the lassst two dozen have died of exhaussstion.
Hugsss and Kisssesss, Zarakynel.

P.SSS. The Prince of Pleasssure isss ssstill grumpy about sssyphilisss.

P.P.SSS. Tried to attach a deamonette but the little b*tch ran off.

[BrotherAlpharius]

Looks like Karamazov is still p*ssed about learning that he's devoted his life to championing an emperor who conquered the galaxy because he was sick of people disagreeing with his belief that the mullet was the ultimate in fashion.

How long do you think we should wait before telling him we planted the "evidence"?

Be seeing you (you just won't know it).

Alpharius

[Kieranator K82]

01010100011011110010000001110100011010000110010100 10000001001100011010010111011001101001011011100110 01110011101100001101000010100000110100001010010110 01011011110111010100100000011101110110100101101100 01101100001000000110000101101100011011000010000001 10010001101001011001010010111000001101000010100000 11010000101001010100011010000110010100100000010011 10011001010110001101110010011011110110111001110011

[Bedroom General]

Hey Alphi,
That necron is saying that the mullet was popularised by Billy Ray Cybot back in the pre harvest years, so again the ol' Emp was behind the eight ball once more. Astronomican? I say astronomican't!
I wonder if Karamazov has seen "Pimp my Scarab" on Necrolodeon. I think all he's had done is the commode, I mean how do you get off that thing for a comfort stop? Hey, we should totally go throne tipping! think of the mess. Awww Jeff's all excited, he's gone all poo poo eyed. I hope he doesn't get into the "kitty litter" if you know what I mean.
I'd get him a daiper, but then I'd have to change him.:eek:
I like change, but you've got to draw a line in the sand (or kitty litter) sometimes!
Your pal
Ahri
PS. Am I the only one who thinks that Lionel is a stupid name for a Primarch?
Maybe not if he's the leader of the DORK Angels!!

[Hyperion]

01000100011001010110000101110010001000000100111001 10010101100011011100100110111101101110011100110000 11010000101000001101000010100100100100100000011010 11011011100110111101110111001000000111011101100101 00100000011010000110000101110110011001010110111000 10011101110100001000000111001001100101011000010110 11000110110001111001001000000111001101100101011001 01011011100010000001100101011110010110010100100000 01110100011011110010000001100101011110010110010100 10000001101001011011100010000001110100011010000110 01010010000001110000011000010111001101110100001000 00011000100111010101110100001000000111000101110101 01101001011101000110010100100000011001100111001001 10000101101110011010110110110001111001001000000111 01000110100001100101001000000111001101110001011101 01011010010111001101101000011010010110010101110011 00100000011000010111001001100101001000000111001001 10010101100001011011000110110001111001001000000111 00110111010001100001011100100111010001101001011011 10011001110010000001110100011011110010000001100111 01100101011101000010000001101111011011100010000001 10110101111001001000000111010001101001011101000111 00110010111000100000010101110110100101101100011011 00001000000110001001100101001000000110100101101110 00100000011101000110111101110101011000110110100000 10000001110010011001010110011101100001011100100110 01000110100101101110011001110010000001110100011010 00011001010010000001110111011010000110111101101100 01100101001000000110110001101001011101100110100101 10111001100111001000000111011101101001011011000110 11000010000001100100011010010110010100100000011100 11011101010110011101100111011001010111001101110100 01101001011011110110111000101110000011010000101000 00110100001010010100100110010101100111011000010111 00100110010001110011000011010000101000001101000010 10010011010110010101100011011010000110000101101110 01101001011000110111010101110011001000000100010001 1001010111010101110011

[BrotherAlpharius]

Hey Alphi,
Am I the only one who thinks that Lionel is a stupid name for a Primarch?
!

Don't say that to him. He's been sulking inside his rock for ten thousand years as it is.
A

[Kieranator K82]

01001101011001010110001101101000011000010110111001 10100101100011011101010111001100100000010001000110 01010111010101110011001011000000110100001010000011 01000010100100011101101111001000000110010001100101 01100011011011110110110101110000011011110111001101 10010100100000011110010110111101110101011100100111 00110110010101101100011001100010110000100000011011 00011010010111011001101001011011100110011100100000 01110011011000110111010101101101000011010000101000 00110100001010010101000110100001100101001000000100 11100110010101100011011100100110111101101110011100 11

[Hyperion]

01001101011001010110001101101000011000010110111001 10100101100011011101010111001100100000010001000110 01010111010101110011001011000000110100001010000011 01000010100100011101101111001000000110010001100101 01100011011011110110110101110000011011110111001101 10010100100000011110010110111101110101011100100111 00110110010101101100011001100010110000100000011011 00011010010111011001101001011011100110011100100000 01110011011000110111010101101101000011010000101000 00110100001010010101000110100001100101001000000100 11100110010101100011011100100110111101101110011100 11

01001110011011110111011100100000011110010110111101 11010100100111011101100110010100100000011011010110 00010110010001100101001000000101001101101001011100 10001000000110001101110010011011110111001101110011 001011100010111000101110

[Bedroom General]

Thats the last time I hire Necron accountants, they can't even agree on the numbers, and there's only two!
101 (Necron for LOL)
I'm Ahri Blacklibrary
You stay classy Prospero!

[Grailkeeper]

101 (Necron for LOL)
!

In that case I 5'd pretty hard at this thread

[Duke]

Yeah, enough of the binary

Duke

[Grailkeeper]

Yeah, enough of the binary.

Duke

there are 10 types of people in the world.

Those who get binary, and those who don't.


....



I'll get my coat.

[BrotherAlpharius]

in that case i 5'd pretty hard at this thread

101

[Hyperion]

Yeah, enough of the binary.

Duke

You can't read binary?

"01010111011000010111001001101110011010010110111001 10011100111010001000000111001001100101011000010110 11000110100101110100011110010010000001101000011000 01011100110010000001100101011011100110001101101111 01110101011011100111010001100101011100100110010101 10010000100000011000010110111000100000011101010110 11100110010101111000011100000110010101100011011101 00011001010110010000100000011001010111001001110010 01101111011100100010000001100001011011100110010000 10000001100011011000010110111001101110011011110111 01000010000001100011011011110110111001110100011010 01011011100111010101100101001011100010111000101110"

Warning: reality has encountered an unexpected error and cannot continue...

"01010010011001010110011101100001011100100110010001 11001100001101000010100000110100001010010011110110 11010110111001101001011100110111001101101001011000 0101101000"

Regards

Omnissiah

[Bedroom General]

Testament of Imperial Guardsman Chesty Gunsman, Catachan 101st "The Screaming Victims".
Prior to summary execution by Commissar Rex.

"There were these big... shapes, landing on top of us practically."

"These machine men came out, there was green light."

"We opened fire and knocked one or two down, they were tough."

"They got back up! We couldn't believe it! We were....there was a green light..No... green lights, no sound Commissar sir, but they cut us up like butter!"

Commissar Rex- "Ruff"

"I'll say it was, we fall back right, and as we run the ground erupts with these little metal beetle things and...other things. Machine men with long claws, and as I ran, and I did run Commissar sir."

" Emperor help me.........I did run."

Commissar Rex "WWhhiii?"

"The thing was..These machine men they...well at first they were silent, but then they started making this noise. Over and over."

"5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5."

Commissar Rex's boltpistol barked.

Testament ends.

[Bedroom General]

Don't say that to him. He's been sulking inside his rock for ten thousand years as it is.
A

Too Soon?
Ahri

[Kieranator K82]

Formal Protest:

The interchange between myself and Hyperion was not a case of 'Binary Spam.' It was a relevant conversation in a thematic / role-play manner.
I can not understand or read binary myself, but instead used a translator I found via Google.

/Formal Protest

01010100011010000110010100100000010011110110110101 10111001101001011100110111001101101001011000010110 10000010000001101001011100110010000001100001001000 0001101100011010010110010100101110

[Freefall945]

To whom it may concern,

If my calculations are correct, this letter should reach you before your correspondence reaches critical mass. I have foreseen the discourse to proceed and have been moved to warn you that, as participants, you hurtle together unaware toward conversational gag so tasteless it will make even your ruinous selves shrink back in regret. Interestingly, I will be technically dead at that time and unable to directly observe the effects if you fail to heed my warning.

Do be careful,

- Eldrad Ulthran.

[Bedroom General]

Ehh Natty 'Drad
If a tree falls on a fat girl in a forest, does a technically dead Farseer laugh?
Ahri

[BrotherAlpharius]

Too Soon?
Ahri

You remember how petulant he can be.

A/O

[Hyperion]

Formal Protest:

The interchange between myself and Hyperion was not a case of 'Binary Spam.' It was a relevant conversation in a thematic / role-play manner.
I can not understand or read binary myself, but instead used a translator I found via Google.

/Formal Protest

01010100011010000110010100100000010011110110110101 10111001101001011100110111001101101001011000010110 10000010000001101001011100110010000001100001001000 0001101100011010010110010100101110


Translation:! Big words from the undead toasters... bring it on tin man... BRING IT ON!!

Er, I mean, That Does Not Compute...

01001111011011110110111101101111001000010010000001 00001001101001011001110010000001110111011011110111 00100110010001110011001000000110011001110010011011 11011011010010000001110100011010000110010100100000 01110101011011100110010001100101011000010110010000 10000001110100011011110110000101110011011101000110 01010111001001110011001011100010111000101110001000 00011000100111001001101001011011100110011100100000 01101001011101000010000001101111011011100010000001 11010001101001011011100010000001101101011000010110 11100010111000101110001011100010000001000010010100 10010010010100111001000111001000000100100101010100 00100000010011110100111000100001001000010000110100 00101000001101000010100100010101110010001011000010 00000100100100100000011011010110010101100001011011 10001011000010000001010100011010000110000101110100 00100000010001000110111101100101011100110010000001 00111001101111011101000010000001000011011011110110 11010111000001110101011101000110010100101110001011 1000101110 Ya crome clagnuts!

[Bedroom General]

Hey Alphi,

-Knock, knock.
Who's there?
-Lionel.
Lionel who?
-Boo hoo hoo!
Its alright mate, are you lost or something? What's your name?
-Lion El Jonson.
Lionel Johnson?
-Yes. Lion El Jonson.
And where do you live, Lionel?
-In a rock in space.
Ooookay. Why do you live on a rock in space, Lionel?
-Hiding.
Hiding?
-Yes I am Lion El Jonson! And I hide in a giant floating rock.
Isn't that a bit obvious?
-What?
Hiding in a big floating rock?
- No no no. I'm hiding from the people on the Rock.
Who are they?
-They are my own people. My children. My Angels!
So you're hiding from your.....children?
-I AM LION EL JONSON AND I AM HIDING FROM MY CHILDREN IN A GIANT FLOATING ROCK IN SPACE!
In space?
-IN SPACE!
Alright Lionel, take it easy! Look, why are you hiding?
-So I can come back.
So you can....
-I AM LION EL JONSON, AND I AM HIDING FROM MY CHILDREN IN A GIANT FLOATING ROCK IN SPACE. SO I CAN COME BACK WHEN MY CHAPTER NEEDS ME!
Ok! Calm down..How long have you been hiding?
-Ten thousand years.
Ten thousand years? They must be doing alright then.
-What do you mean?
Well, ten thousand years and they haven't needed you, They must be doing ok.
- No. 5th ed. hit, they've been royally hosed, and are languishing at the bottom of the pile.
-Its very sad actually to see them in such dire straits. They have a terribly outdated codex. They're in a -dreadful state.
Ahh...I see.... Well, look Lionel. Its been lovely chatting with you, but I'll tell you what. You just sit there while I make a phone call. Alright?
-I AM LION EL JONSON, AND I AM HIDING FROM MY CHILDREN IN A GIANT FLOATING ROCK IN SPACE.
-SO I CAN COME BACK....WHEN....my chapter....needs...ohh, boo hoo hoo!

It's never too soon!
Ahri

[Grailkeeper]

Ahri-

Are you suggesting the Lion needs to come out of some form of containment device, such as a closet?

-Lucius

[Unzuul the Lascivious]

Grrrr....It's the SHAME that keeps Lionel in his rocky closet. I, LEMAN RUSS, would NEVER hide away just cos a LOAD OF MY OWN FRICKIN KIDS turned against their Grandad and threw their lot in with you PATHETIC CHAOS WIMPS! Still crying about Prospero Ahriman? ProsperWANK more like it. Yeah, we burned that up REAL good huh? The fact that my FRICKIN GALAXY NAV went down whilst I went off looking for that DICK MAGNUS and I got lost is NOTHING compared to how we DESTROYED your pitiful planet of Magic Circle members. HAAAA!
So me and my mighty Wolves will keep hopping around this EMPEROR FORSAKEN SO CALLED EYE OF TERROR until we find our way home and if ONE PERSON mentions the Littlest Hobo I am going to BREAK STUFF! I...wait, gotta go...

By my beard, Ulf, can't this wait? Fine, okay, I DO do the best roast Grox. Yes, we've got some lovage, sage and thyme. Honey glaze? Hmmm...

[Lord Sandwich]

Dear Ahri,

Boo.

Sincerely,
Zho Sahaal

[w7west]

Hey there! How ya doin then?
Well, it looks like you folk sure are giving Abby a rough time with his hair then. Yup. You shouldn't give the man such a hard time about his hair dontcha know. He is admired for his hair here, and many of my warriors have adopted the same due.

Things aren't too bad here in Commorragh then. Sure you lose a few limbs on your way to work but you usually get them pretty good too so it balances out then. Well I better let you guys go, my homunculus wont stop giving my incubi purple nurples.

Cheers,
your buddy Vect.

[Kieranator K82]

Excoose meh. A Necron hacked mah pee see.

Anyweh,
We arr the Blud Rehvens, Spess Mahreens steshuned in Koruvva. We will keell da enemehz of da Emprah, for we arr hez fureh! We shell fall on yew lyke Steel Rehn from Spess. And keell yew.

Sinsearly,
Indrick Boreale.

[Bedroom General]

Enough...
I have heard you Ahriman of the Thousand Sons, and i have heard other "contributors".
This and last months "Queer Eye of The Straight Terror" mag has got me convinced. I shall now rock............KHORNE ROWS!!! Yes! I shall lose the 31st century (oh you so nailed it Typhus!) look and now have, carefully sewn into my rows, the dead skulls an soul stones of my (smaller) victims. I was starting to hate hitting my hair on EVERY SINGLE DOOR! Thank Chaos for my good ol' trophy rack, or I'd have broken my neck! The slicker look is definitely better and is a heaps more subtle way of ROCKING MY BLING!!! The final straw was hearing that the Dark Eldar were copying my look....I mean WTF? Get an original thought guys!
Thanks for the Crits....I THE DESPOILER HEAR YOUR CRIES!
Love n' total destruction
ABBY, the Fresh Prince of Chaos.